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Original poster

The secret things you do that no-one else knows....

596 replies

Frt · 16/02/2023 11:07

Every day that DP is out of the house at work, I buy an early-afternoon energy drink. They are rancid, sugary, unhealthy and downright common as muck but I absolutely love the buzz I get for the rest of the day. DP would be appalled with me if he found out 😅

My MN habit is a secret too. I don't have children, and I'm meant to have a professional, busy job which doesn't allow time for fucking about online. But here I am. I'm friends with a lot of women with young children who regularly talk about things being discussed on MN. I feign surprise or interest but I'm really thinking "Yeah, I saw that".

When I'm stressed and home alone, I talk to myself. I talk myself through what's getting me down, why, and what I need to do. I also reassure myself saying things like "Pull yourself together, it's fine, make a list and let's start at the top". I have no shame about this, I think its a perfectly normal thing to do. Except that I talk to myself in random accents. Today I went inexplicably scouse. My temporary foreign accent syndrome is the reason I keep this particularly activity a secret.

Tell me your secrets....

BTW, long-timer but NC just in case!

OP posts:
orangelotus · 16/02/2023 22:48

Ilovelblue · 16/02/2023 22:26

There are some brilliant ones on here which have made me laugh out loud.

When I am driving on my own, I have to find car registration plates that make up an acronym. It could be something like AB72 NHS for example. If it's a three letter one which is a foreign word (usually French or Spanish for me), I give myself two points, all others are one point. I have to get to ten points for it to be a good day ahead.

Also, apart from the four friends I have made via a MN thread, none of my real life local friends know I am on here. Sometimes I want to mention something I've read on here but have to term it vaguely as "one of those things I read online somewhere".

i'd like to make MN friends. How did you do this?
i don't want friends I have to actually see

butterfliedtwo · 16/02/2023 22:50

Mars27 · 16/02/2023 14:37

To @ladymacbeth and the other judgemental zealots asking why a secret cleaner, what goes on in my marriage is my business but since you ask:

My husband thinks a cleaner is a waste of money since he says "he can help with the cleaning". Only thing is, he's absolutely useless at cleaning.

I have a full on full time job and already have to do laundry/cooking/tidying up, etc. I don't want to spend the very little free time I have scrubbing a bathroom or hoovering (I have a bad back and a dodgy knee).

We are in a comfortable position now after years of struggle, both have good jobs so we can afford a cleaner and I will absolutely carry on paying for one while I can and I have zero qualms about that, no fucks given at all.

Hope that helps x

Good for you. Why shouldn't you?

DartholomewSpaceInvader
This is my favourite thing I've read on here.

I narrate what I'm doing when dealing with chores. For some reason I feel it gets me through it faster. I'm bilingual and I always speak in the second language.

DotAndCarryOne2 · 16/02/2023 22:50

VeronicaFranklin · 16/02/2023 22:37

Watch ASMR videos on YouTube of people having their back tickled or hair twiddled, I find it strangely relaxing.

I use hair clips (Kirby grips) to give my ears a good itch! Instead of cotton buds!

I sing musical theatre at the top of my lungs even though I'm absolutely tone death, I think my neighbour once heard me belting out a rendition of 'Memory' from Cats as I saw him putting something in the bin right outside the window after I'd finished singing, he probably thinks I'm batshit. Now we just awkwardly smile if we pass.

You have to make sure the Kirby grips have the little bobbles on the ends or you’ll do yourself damage !! Your neighbour catching you singing made me laugh. I remember pulling up at crossroads one gloriously sunny day - at the front of a queue at traffic lights. Whitney Houstons’ ‘I wanna dance with somebody’ came on the radio and I gave it my all. Hand movements, imaginary microphone, encore, the lot - I was Whitney !! The lights changed for the oncoming traffic and a police car passed me - slowed down and the two policemen gave me a round of applause as they passed. So ashamed !!

wendywoopywoo222 · 16/02/2023 22:51

I count the stairs while walking up them. Every time. If someone interrupts me I have to go back down and start again. It annoys the crap out of me especially at work.

I know there's 14 steps and it's not going to change.
I'm also irrationally pissed off when it's an odd number of stairs. We have 13 at home.

Also talk dog voices but so does my hubby, he thinks she has a different voice to her real one that I know.

MsMarch · 16/02/2023 22:52

I read endless amounts of fairly bad shifter romances. Also lots of space opera stuff (self published), vampire etc. Kindle Unlimited has a lot to answer for!

I am known as an intelligent, mildly intellectual person in real life, but no one knows quite how low brow my reading is these days. Dh has a vague idea but not sure even he realises how bad it is! 😀😀

DotAndCarryOne2 · 16/02/2023 22:55

MrsRinaDecker · 16/02/2023 22:25

I talk to my cats - they have voices and talk back!
I also write imaginary AIBU’s in my head (I usually am..)
And I make up all sorts of stories in my head when I can’t sleep, usually picturing myself in whatever novel I’m currently reading, but I have some favourites I go back to that I could almost write a book of of my own.

Do your cats have any particular voices ? I have a Jack Russell and he has a voice to answer me when I talk to him. It’s Kelsey Grammars’ voice, ever since I saw the Frasier episode in which the dog got a speaking part in an advert voiced by him !!

Franklin2000 · 16/02/2023 22:58

Where to start? I’m scared of the dark and if DH is away I have to have the blinds open so it’s not pitch black when I’m in bed. I pretend I’m on a cooking or baking show when I’m in the kitchen, narrating and looking at the camera obviously. When I’m reading DS a
story I pretend I’m reading the cebeebies bedtime story and do voices etc. it now means he doesn’t like DH reading to
him because he’s boring 😂. If DH falls asleep on the sofa, I make minimal effort to wake him so I get the bed to myself for a bit.
I sing random sentences often. I speak in accents more than I care to admit. I have an ongoing daydream about a certain premier league football manager. We’re married with 3 children now, it’s been going on a while. If I lose something I pray to st Anthony who has always managed to bring it back. I salute lone magpies. I realise when written down I sound quite crazy…

happytobemrsg · 16/02/2023 23:17

I have hyperphantasia & I can spend hours day dreaming conversations or whole scenarios. The images are so vivid & feel so real I genuinely get upset/happy/scared or whatever.

I refuse to drink the last centimetre of a cup of tea, yet I’ll finish a cup of coffee.

LunaTheCat · 16/02/2023 23:21

Onefootinthegroove · 16/02/2023 14:28

I have a full fantasy of living alone in a motorhome, travelling around the country as I wish. I endlessly look at van living videos and auto trader .

I have exactly this same fantasy!

Supersimkin2 · 16/02/2023 23:22

The cat and I have pissing contests.

He stalks into the bathroom while I’m just settling on the loo and fixes me with a challenging stare, scuffing up his tray. The leg is lifted. I take a deep breath.

Off we go.

Eye contact is not broken. We both give it all we’ve got. It lasts for what feels like hours.

When I win, I feel mean.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 16/02/2023 23:25

SmokyForTheWin · 16/02/2023 12:14

I have conversations with the cat. I accidentally started chatting to her in front of DC once; DC thought I'd gone crazy.
Everyone talks to their cat or dog as if they're a person, right?

That’s normal, we our dog replies to us on his own voice 😂.

I like to sniff our dog’s paws. They’re so… musty 😂.

RobertaFirmino · 16/02/2023 23:28

When DH is out, I play Metallica's 'And Justice For All' at full blast and play air guitar.
When Stroopwafels are on offer at Sainsburys, I buy a bag and eat them all in secret.
I buy any sketchbooks and nice pencils I see in charity shops for the fella who sits begging outside Sainsburys. He is so talented!
A hideous ex lives very close to me. He's in all the local Facebook groups I'm part of and frequently comments on the local newspaper page. I have a secret FB account which is used solely for the purpose of making him look silly
I too apply crazy, outlandish make-up in secret, just to see what it looks like!

RobertaFirmino · 16/02/2023 23:29

I have an ongoing daydream about a certain premier league football manager

Oooh, go on, @Franklin2000 tell us who it is! Football managers are much better looking than they used to be!

Ilovelblue · 16/02/2023 23:35

orangelotus · 16/02/2023 22:48

i'd like to make MN friends. How did you do this?
i don't want friends I have to actually see

Show quote history

I was on a particularly long lasting thread which went on for some time and during that period, we discovered quite a bit about the approximate area etc where we all lived. I happened to travel to one of those areas for work and arranged to meet up with one person, then was on holiday in another area and arranged to meet up with somebody else. The holiday meet up was slightly complicated by the fact that the friend I was with knew absolutely nothing about MN. It was vaguely exciting having to pretend that this MN person I was meeting was really an ex work colleague!

Hawkins003 · 16/02/2023 23:39

Ilovelblue · 16/02/2023 23:35

I was on a particularly long lasting thread which went on for some time and during that period, we discovered quite a bit about the approximate area etc where we all lived. I happened to travel to one of those areas for work and arranged to meet up with one person, then was on holiday in another area and arranged to meet up with somebody else. The holiday meet up was slightly complicated by the fact that the friend I was with knew absolutely nothing about MN. It was vaguely exciting having to pretend that this MN person I was meeting was really an ex work colleague!

Show quote history

Most impressive

OldFan · 16/02/2023 23:45

Food.

I'm trying to allocate all my money so I don't have any extra to buy cookie dough.

Same with alcohol somewhat I guess.

fairywhale · 16/02/2023 23:48

Mars27 · 16/02/2023 14:37

To @ladymacbeth and the other judgemental zealots asking why a secret cleaner, what goes on in my marriage is my business but since you ask:

My husband thinks a cleaner is a waste of money since he says "he can help with the cleaning". Only thing is, he's absolutely useless at cleaning.

I have a full on full time job and already have to do laundry/cooking/tidying up, etc. I don't want to spend the very little free time I have scrubbing a bathroom or hoovering (I have a bad back and a dodgy knee).

We are in a comfortable position now after years of struggle, both have good jobs so we can afford a cleaner and I will absolutely carry on paying for one while I can and I have zero qualms about that, no fucks given at all.

Hope that helps x

Nobody questioned your needing or wanting a cleaner. They questioned your having so little power or say in the relationship that you felt you needed to lie about it. The fact that you cannot see why and are missing the point
is actually pretty sad.

Whatafliberty · 16/02/2023 23:49

This reminds me that years and years ago I used to sometimes leave work early, get home, bolt the door, close the curtains, put some music and just have a dance around like I was 18 again. I mean pretend I was in a club. Pretend I was 18 again.

This

maddy68 · 16/02/2023 23:52

I consciously try to do something kind for someone every day. No one knows. But it makes me feel great

Styliewyliecyote · 16/02/2023 23:52

Listen to music that makes me feel sexy (think rhianna s&m) and sexy dance while cleaning. Slut dropping and twerking while doing dishes. I would DIE OFF if anyone saw.

OldFan · 16/02/2023 23:56

Aw pretend clubbers- why not go clubbing whatever age you are? When I was early 30s I had a friend, maybe in her late 40s and she was great for a night out. She eventually married again and perhaps slowed down a bit too IDK and didn't want to do it anymore, but we had a great time.

I'm mid 40s now myself though and don't know if I'd have the balls.

nevertakeadvicefromsomeonewhosfallingapart · 17/02/2023 00:00

I talk to myself a lot, I live alone. I tell myself I'm doing ok, or not to worry, things like that. I also talk to my cat.
I spend most evenings when I'm home with crap TV on, just reading Mumsnet and social media, don't really know why I even have the TV on!

Mars27 · 17/02/2023 00:02

@fairywhale , your marriage is perfect, I suppose? Lmao!

The only one missing the point here is you, babes x

LadyJ2023 · 17/02/2023 00:09

No secrets I'm to open lol

Beeswood · 17/02/2023 00:10

I rented all my life and was a good tenant, but kept getting evicted because they wanted to sell up, rent to a relative etc.

Then I was able to buy a small cottage! When I moved in, I actually kissed and hugged the walls, I was so happy!