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Original poster

Can you really be gay at 7?

155 replies

disneydatknee · 15/02/2023 01:09

So its valentines day. My daughter is 7. I helped her make a card for her friend (on her request) and said friend bought her a rose and a load of sweets. Cute right? I picked my daughter up this afternoon and she said matter of factly, her valentine was her girlfriend and they are both lesbian. School friends have called them gay for exchanging gifts. She insists they are girlfriends and she's asked her out. I've just said OK, I'm glad you have each other. I've pushed it no further. Can you really know at 7 or is this just the age that boys are mean and yucky and girls are just nicer to you?! I'm not holding my breath as she is still little and I would have absolutely no problem with her being gay, it's just shocked me how matter of fact she is so young about it. Is this a sign of things to come or is it nothing? Just mentally preparing myself!

OP posts:
Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/02/2023 01:13

She is copying older kids.

saraclara · 15/02/2023 01:14

I doubt you can know you're gay at 7. Gay is about sexual attraction. I might be naive, but do seven year olds have sexual feelings for anyone?

Sugarfree23 · 15/02/2023 01:17

saraclara · 15/02/2023 01:14

I doubt you can know you're gay at 7. Gay is about sexual attraction. I might be naive, but do seven year olds have sexual feelings for anyone?

This!

They sound more like normal 7 yo best friends

michellet86 · 15/02/2023 01:17

Absolutely not in my opinion, at 13 maybe but not 7! i'm guessing she's probably seen something on tv about being gay as it's on every Advert/Tv show these days

mackthepony · 15/02/2023 01:18

Sounds totally normal

Original poster
disneydatknee · 15/02/2023 01:18

I also thought maybe she's just using adult language that is privy to kids now like it wasn't before. You like a girl and you are a girl equals gay but gay means sexually attracted to the same sex and there is no sexual attraction at 7. I didn't have "crushes" until I was about 12. Before that, boys were just horrible

OP posts:
MrsMikeDrop · 15/02/2023 01:24

saraclara · 15/02/2023 01:14

I doubt you can know you're gay at 7. Gay is about sexual attraction. I might be naive, but do seven year olds have sexual feelings for anyone?

I think this, although it's probably more useful hearing from actual gay people than others speculating. Maybe she's just confused that because they're besties and both girls it makes them gay

Shamoo · 15/02/2023 01:24

I have a LOT of gay friends. From them, I know one woman and one man who both said they knew they were gay from a very young age. They just knew that they had an affinity to the same sex. But all of the others didn’t know until much later - ranging from 13 until adulthood. So it is just about possible, but very unlikely. Far more likely she likes her mate, doesn’t like boys, and is copying older kids.

Annabananna1 · 15/02/2023 01:27

Hmm yeah possibly you can know at a very young age like that. But it could also be just a childish best friend type thing, they're only 7.
No need for any labels or dramatic statements now or any time soon.

One gay friend said he always knew. His whole life and his mum had guessed aged 4. He came out young, about 15 or 16.

Other friend didn't know until she was early 20s and started experimenting.

Different for everyone probably.

Mars27 · 15/02/2023 01:41

I think also around 6/7 is that age that you really start becoming averse to the opposite sex. Girls start playing a lot more girls and boys with boys. I remember one mum at primary who made such a fuss of inviting DS for her daughter's 7th party because she "loved him, he's a very nice boy", etc. When we turned up it was a proper tea party, only girls there and they had taken their favourite dolls with them. All the little girls looked at DS like he was an alien from outer space and didn't speak to him once. He's 13 and I can't quite say he's forgiven me for that tho.

icclemunchy · 15/02/2023 01:46

My eldest went through a stage around this age at school where everyone seemed to have girl or boyfriends (she didn't want either. Because she'd have to share her sweets apparently 😂) it was short lived and seemed to apply to any close friendship. so I wonder if it's just this?

That said she's now 12 and has been very sure for the past couple of years that she's a lesbian so I wouldn't be surprised if some level of awareness over attraction starts earlier than we think and those who identify as straight just don't talk about it because it's considered the 'norm'

WhiteNoiseMoreToys · 15/02/2023 01:48

Children do not and should not have a sexuality at 7 years old.

But when children hear ‘boyfriends’ and ‘girlfriends’ they also shouldn’t be conditioned to believe that they aren’t mutually exclusive to each other.

So it’s fine that a child is using a cutesy term of ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’ for a friend they particularly like; but as a parent I wouldn’t be questioning any kind of sexuality at this age.

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 15/02/2023 01:57

I think she's just saying it as at that age you don't really understand what being gay is. My little girl is 6 and earlier she was marrying all her different teddies, one of them is a girl teddy and she said they are Wives. She doesn't know what it means and was just happily going along with it so I'd just take it with a grain of salt and be as nice about it as you have been so far

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 15/02/2023 02:13

I was 12 or 13, around puberty, when I knew I was 'different'. I can't say I knew what being gay was then, but that was 30 years ago. I don't recall having any physical or emotional attractions to either sex at 7 years old though.

Obviously, when I came out, some adults in my life said they weren't surprised.

SignOnTheWindow · 15/02/2023 03:06

No different from a boy and girl of that age saying they're going to get married - they're not making a statement about their sexuality as much as simply acting out adult social norms. It's nice that kids these days are beginning to see gay and lesbian relationships as natural and unremarkable. She'll probably have heard the term 'lesbians' from an older kid, or school.

SignOnTheWindow · 15/02/2023 03:31

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 15/02/2023 02:13

I was 12 or 13, around puberty, when I knew I was 'different'. I can't say I knew what being gay was then, but that was 30 years ago. I don't recall having any physical or emotional attractions to either sex at 7 years old though.

Obviously, when I came out, some adults in my life said they weren't surprised.

Interesting. DD has always been massively more interested in girls than boys - e.g. male figures never featured in her drawings throughout childhood, (she herself wore male superhero costumes as often as she did female ones), and posters on walls, idolised pop figures were always women or female characters. This was from about 4 onwards. I guess I was witnessing the expression of her genes developing over early childhood?

She didn't 'come out', she just came home after high school one day and introduced X as her girlfriend. I'd have been shocked if she'd come out as straight, tbh!

keeprunning55 · 15/02/2023 03:49

I have never heard a 7 year old say they are gay/lesbian or any other label and as a teacher of 7 year olds, you hear most things they think.

However, I have taught some boys who I have thought will come out as gay when they’re older and they have. Never girls though. Perhaps it’s my mindset.

WrendaleCountryDogs · 15/02/2023 03:52

Given that you are born with your sexuality, then the answer to "can you be gay at 7" is yes. However "can you KNOW you are gay" at 7 is a different question. And it's unlikely but as somebody else says, it's no different to boy/girl saying they are boy/girlfriends.

Shouldbesleeping8 · 15/02/2023 04:17

My DD7 exchanged cards with her best friend (also female). It's sweet and just what kids do.
We've been quite open about gay relationships when she's asked - she knows women can marry women and men can marry men. So it makes complete sense to her to want to marry her best friend.

Mumma · 15/02/2023 04:44

I recall being 8 and having a physical attraction to females (particularly several spice girls) and kissing my poster in secret.
I didnt understand my feelings at the time but as time went on i was able to understand...

Simonjt · 15/02/2023 04:54

Of course they can, surely you know that sexuality is something you’re born with? Have you seriously never heard a straight child say they will marry x or marry a boy/girl one day?

WeWereInParis · 15/02/2023 05:05

I don't think a 7 year old can know they're gay any more than they can know they're straight.

Thistlelass · 15/02/2023 05:08

My daughter in P1 got a Valentine from her friend who is gay. I don't know if he knew back then. My youngest son is gay. I suspected from when he was 3/4. He knew from a young age.

Badbudgeter · 15/02/2023 05:08

One of my 7yo twins says she is gay with her best friend too. Before this she was “married” to a boy in her school for a year or so. They’ve been told in school that when a woman/ girl loves another woman/girl then they are gay/lesbian. I don’t disagree with this as it’s good to normalise words so it’s not a taboo concept. That said obviously loving/ caring about your best friend doesn’t mean you’re gay.

I just tend to say I think you’re a bit young for a relationship and to make long term decisions but Ive been saying that since she was four and had a “love boy” so I’m a consistent killjoy, gay or straight.

GoodChat · 15/02/2023 05:09

keeprunning55 · 15/02/2023 03:49

I have never heard a 7 year old say they are gay/lesbian or any other label and as a teacher of 7 year olds, you hear most things they think.

However, I have taught some boys who I have thought will come out as gay when they’re older and they have. Never girls though. Perhaps it’s my mindset.

I'm surprised you've never heard it as I don't thinks it's uncommon. It's the kind of age children start learning what being gay is and throw it around a lot.

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