Can you really be gay at 7?

[disneydatknee]

So its valentines day. My daughter is 7. I helped her make a card for her friend (on her request) and said friend bought her a rose and a load of sweets. Cute right? I picked my daughter up this afternoon and she said matter of factly, her valentine was her girlfriend and they are both lesbian. School friends have called them gay for exchanging gifts. She insists they are girlfriends and she's asked her out. I've just said OK, I'm glad you have each other. I've pushed it no further. Can you really know at 7 or is this just the age that boys are mean and yucky and girls are just nicer to you?! I'm not holding my breath as she is still little and I would have absolutely no problem with her being gay, it's just shocked me how matter of fact she is so young about it. Is this a sign of things to come or is it nothing? Just mentally preparing myself!

I wanted to marry my sister when I was five - if I had known the word gay/lesbian, I probably would have used it. Two years later I "married" my best (boy) friend on the playground, because people said we couldn't be friends because we were girl/boy so we had to get married. It made total sense at the time.

While I am bi, I have absolutely no intention of marrying my sister. I think this is completely harmless and a normal age appropriate trying out of adult roles and ideas. Just as I don't think DS2 dressing up as a bin man for costume day means he has no ambition, I don't think their playing around with pretend relationships means anything more than "I like spending time with this person".

Well that's literally the point of the thread

There is ‘definitely’ current research which points to multiple parts of multiple genes playing a factor, leading to the suggestion that many are born predisposed in sexuality. But I agree there’s no definites anywhere else.

Exactly this; ’If it was a choice, then that leaves a door open to say 'choose differently'.. Huge numbers of persecuted people would consider choosing differently if they could. It’s not a choice.

I remember the dark times some scientists were looking to identify one singular ‘gay gene’ that could be used in embryo choices for future parents so they could ensure their child was born ‘normal’. So awful in so many ways. (Thankfully this was disproved, who knows what we’ll find out in the future.)

well it's 'literally' about the OP's daughter.

@FadoFado have you read the thread title?

My DD argument was the reverse, when did you know you were straight

I did not have sexual feelings but I absolutely had little crushes on boys from the age of 5 - I still remember the feeling.

So yes, I think you can know you are gay at a younger age. You may not know what it exactly means, but you know you are drawn to certain people.

I don't know, I knew I was straight at seven. I think that there's a good chance you can know that you're gay.

She's as likely to have a girlfriend at this age as she is to have a boyfriend and had she said she had a boyfriend you wouldn't be on here asking about it. You'd just have accepted that she was mimicking relationships adults have and it wasn't sexual.

It's nice that kids these days can say they're going to marry someone of the same sex as them as easily as they can say they're going to marry someone of the opposite sex.

I don't know, I knew I was straight at seven

I didn’t know there was any other option, and didn’t for a few years after that. I think homosexuality was still illegal at the time.

If a kid said they were straight at 7 I doubt anyone would question it. I do think people know from a young age. Not to say it can't change.

If she'd given a valentine to a boy, would you be thinking "can you be straight at 7?"

At that age it probably doesn't matter much because they don't have sexual attraction. It's just who they're friends with and what society tells them to do.

It wasn’t like this with DS who is 20. However, now I have DSS, who’s 11, it’s been a massive culture shock. Ever since he was about 7/8, he’s been telling us about people in his year who are ‘coming out’ (his words not mine) as gay/bi/trans/furry/froggy/non-binary. You name it, he’s probably said it. I’m early 40s and it was
considered unusual (but absolutely fine) if someone was gay. None of the other words were used whatsoever.

I think this is just another topic where our society is dismissive about what children think and feel.

I think most heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual etc people have an inkling about who they are more drawn to as young as 7.

At infant and primary school I was friends with boys and played races and tag. I knew from age 7 (till I was 10 and left that school) that I had a ginormous crush on my friend Adam. It was romantic in nature, I imagined us holding hands and kissing. I didn’t know what sex was at all but I knew it would be nice to be physically close to my crush and look at them.

My best friend Jason was gay but I never had any idea till we were in our teens. When we were 8/9 we were bf/gf and once he concocted a game to kiss me. It was gross 😂 He would talk about how we would get married one day and all that sort of thing but as we got older nothing developed and I was confused 😅 Jason had been trying to convince himself through fear or repression that he liked girls and he had a really tough time through his teens struggling with his identity. We later talked about it and he had known all along but been too afraid of his dad.

My gay relative was always effeminate, even when he was a toddler. Some children are gay, some go through stages copying what they see with other children or adults. I would leave it at this age.

so, I meant some people are gay.

I'd say yes, of course. I'm straight and have memories of having little crushes on boys from reception! Not even joking! Obviously not full adult sexuality but I definitely fancied certain boys and would follow them around 😂

Don't think that's unusual? Why would it be any different if you're homosexual?

Also, alll kids are different so just because I was like that, doesn't mean I think my kids will know if they're straight, gay etc from a young age. Similarly some kids just know from a super young age. All different, it's no big deal
Really. Why does it matter?

I think I was referring more to the poster who said "you are gay or straight your whole life". I didn't know it was so clear cut. I think environmental and cultural influences can have an impact even from a young age. Based on a quick Google search. But I'd like to know more really. always wondered.

My eight-year-old daughter has a ‘boyfriend’ and a ‘girlfriend’. She gave the girlfriend a Valentine’s yesterday and not the boyfriend. To me it’s indicative of children being children, and nothing to do with future sexual preferences or orientation.

Hard to say but all my gay friends always knew they were gay. Some did not want to accept it, but they all knew who they found attractive, albeit that attraction was age appropriate.

I think everyone is different, blanket answers are just stupid because we all become aware of our attractions and sexualities at different ages. I definitely had crushes and noticed women by the age of 7 (I’m a lesbian). When I was 7/8 I got Titanic on VHS for a Xmas present, I remember getting up early on weekends to sneak downstairs to watch the part where she’s topless. I also used to have crushes on women in tv shows and hated it if they had any romantic scenes with men.

I knew there was something different about me because I had no interest in boys or male bodies what so ever, but knew I liked to look at women, I thought this was “wrong” and “weird” so I hid it from everyone, and that’s probably why I remember things like this whereas straight people don’t, because I used to feel a lot of shame about it. If I grew up in todays world not the 90s then I’m sure I would have accepted I was gay and told someone by the time I was in secondary school, because I was very aware of my attraction to women by the time I hit puberty around 10/11.

My SIL’s younger sister came out aged 10, a lot of people didn’t believe her, she’s now 15 and is still very much a lesbian, has never shown any interest in boys has a girlfriend.

My wife on the other hand is adamant she had no crushes and no sexual feelings what so ever until she was 13/14, so everyone is different.

So she might be gay, or she might just be a kid throwing words around without knowing the meaning. No one can know, but does it matter? If she said she had a boyfriend and she’s straight no one would bat an eyelid.

It's not that clearcut.

You can thank social media for all this nonsense age 7. And the current trend for trans age 11.

"That's nice dear' is your answer and move on!

She's 7. No more discussion /elaboration needed.

I think this is just another topic where our society is dismissive about what children think and feel.

Rightly so to be dismissive of sexual terms/attraction/thinking when they are children (gobsmacked this needs to be spelt out tbh)

So all the people on this thread who said they knew aye what, lying?