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Original poster

Can you really be gay at 7?

155 replies

disneydatknee · 15/02/2023 01:09

So its valentines day. My daughter is 7. I helped her make a card for her friend (on her request) and said friend bought her a rose and a load of sweets. Cute right? I picked my daughter up this afternoon and she said matter of factly, her valentine was her girlfriend and they are both lesbian. School friends have called them gay for exchanging gifts. She insists they are girlfriends and she's asked her out. I've just said OK, I'm glad you have each other. I've pushed it no further. Can you really know at 7 or is this just the age that boys are mean and yucky and girls are just nicer to you?! I'm not holding my breath as she is still little and I would have absolutely no problem with her being gay, it's just shocked me how matter of fact she is so young about it. Is this a sign of things to come or is it nothing? Just mentally preparing myself!

OP posts:
Josette77 · 15/02/2023 05:25

I knew I was queer at 7. I don't remember not knowing.

theculture · 15/02/2023 05:41

My 8 year old told me she was gay, she had told me at about 6 she had a girlfriend who was her best friend , but when she was 8 it was something she knew about herself - not related to someone else

I told her that was lovely but boyfriend or girlfriend should wait until she was much older to get one!

I am interested to see if this is something that is lasting as from the feedback here she seems very sure of what she understands about herself - but she hasn't hit puberty yet

autienotnaughty · 15/02/2023 05:59

Attraction isn't just sexuality. We are attracted to certain friends, colours, foods , hobbies etc. She's drawn to this girl and it's reciprocated. It may be in years to come she will develop sexual feelings for girls or not. I wouldn't read too much into it.

autienotnaughty · 15/02/2023 06:01

@Josette77 would that have been a sense of who you are as a person? Or did you literally fancy people at 7?

Doingmybest12 · 15/02/2023 06:20

I don't think anyone bats an eyelid when young children say they have boyfriend/girlfriend (hetero) or are getting married to boy/girl . Some think it is sweet. So why the surprise other children might talk about being gay now the language is more normalised and this is what they see around them more now. To play out rationships when you are children is normal.

rexythedinosaur · 15/02/2023 06:28

So when did you realise you were heterosexual (if you are?)

Weird question, right.

This is a question that is asked to gay people all the time and it's actually a very strange thought. The truth is most of us don't know when we "realised" what our sexuality was.

With your 7 year old, I really wouldn't question it too much, just smile and nod.

She probaby doesn't understand her sexuality at 7, but she might. Either way, it will become much clearer as she gets older.

Let her explore whatever she's exploring and just be there.

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2023 06:29

I have to count back through Harrison Ford's career to work out when I really knew I liked boys, 9. And if I could get all swoons over Han, I'm sure other girls felt the same about Leia.

Stickmansmum · 15/02/2023 06:31
  1. people are gay or straight their whole life
  2. 7 is the age kids start mimicking ‘relationships’ and pretending about boyfriends and girlfriends
  3. These days being gay is not a bad thing so the concept is known to young kids. Therefore while they are little, it’s great that their ‘relationships’ are freestyle. It means nothing other than that they are comfortable with being paired up with whoever they want.
  4. it’s not sexual at this age so of course they base it mostly on societal structures
  5. some kids do know at this age. I know I fancied a man at this age, and a boy in the class above, used to blush like crazy and wanted to kiss them.
  6. why on earth does it matter OP?
PaulHeymanHairline · 15/02/2023 07:05

I can do you one better. My seven year old said that she wants (boys name here) and (girls name here) to be her valentines but as they have a crush on eachother, she would have to marry them both!
Can 7 year olds know they're polyamorous!

KangarooKenny · 15/02/2023 07:18

Yes, DS had a boy in his primary class that we knew was gay at that age, as did his parents.

Smiley444 · 15/02/2023 07:37

I never knew you were "born with your sexuality". As far as I can see, there is no "gene" but it's a combination of factors including environmental, culture etc. Am I wrong?

Minteraye · 15/02/2023 07:39

I remember having boyfriends and fancying boys from like the beginning of primary school - so like about 6.

Suzi888 · 15/02/2023 07:40

Simonjt · 15/02/2023 04:54

Of course they can, surely you know that sexuality is something you’re born with? Have you seriously never heard a straight child say they will marry x or marry a boy/girl one day?

What a load of crap. ^

She’s obviously heard it from the older girls/boys OP.

Whataretheodds · 15/02/2023 07:41

If she said she wanted to send a V card to her boyfriend would you have thought that weird?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 15/02/2023 07:42

I'm bisexual and knew I liked girls as well as boys from a fairly young age.

EyesOnThePies · 15/02/2023 07:43

A couple of my close male friends said they knew they were gay from between 7 and 9.

I don’t think it’s just about sexual attraction as in purely sexual feelings.

But when 7 year old girls have ‘boyfriends’ we don’t generally go straight to thinking ‘how can they know they are straight aged 7’.

I never found it ‘cute’ when kids do that whole boyfriend / girlfriend thing, and hated it when relatives went ‘awww is she your guuuuurlfriend?’ to my Ds when he had friends who were girls. Kids have friends, whatever their eventual sexual orientation will be.

DrHousecuredme · 15/02/2023 07:43

It's how she feels right now.
Things may change tomorrow, at puberty or when she's 50.
She may always want to be a lesbian...at this point, who knows.
7 years olds aren't sexual, she just knows she likes this little girl more than anyone else.
Your response was perfect, let her live her life with whoever makes her happy.

Weallgottachangesometime · 15/02/2023 07:45

I think the answer is …..no one knows.

Your DD may well be gay and be at the beginning of realising that in a very immature way.

or

Your DD may just really like her friend, and not like the boys in her class, and to her that means, being “girl friends”.

I don’t think it really matters. I think what matters is that kids have space to learn what these words mean and to have space to develop into whoever they want to develop in to. I think it’s nice she isn’t just assuming she has to have a “boyfriend” and is aware of different relationships. My DD keeps saying she’s is going to Marry versions boys in her class. I don’t think this means she’s straight and I just say to her “that’s cool, but you have a long time until you’re grown up and you can decide then if you want to get married or who you like spending time with, you might like someone else when your older”

x2boys · 15/02/2023 07:47

Simonjt · 15/02/2023 04:54

Of course they can, surely you know that sexuality is something you’re born with? Have you seriously never heard a straight child say they will marry x or marry a boy/girl one day?

But my nephew said he was going to marry his childminders,daughter when he was 5/6 he's 20 and has recently told his mum he's gay
Although she said she said ,she's always thought he might be.

WinterFoxes · 15/02/2023 07:51

I think you probably can know, in the sense that I instinctively 'knew' from a very young age that I liked men and wanted their interest and wanted to marry one. I never felt that way about any girl or woman, even though I had incredibly strong female friendships and adored them with an intensity I didn't feel for any boy in my class. And the crushes I had on adorable female teachers were about wanting to be them or be like them, not to be with them.

Why wouldn't gay people just 'know' from a young age that they want to be with someone of their own sex? It seems normal to me. But that doesn't mean your daughter and her friend necessarily are gay. They don't really know what that means sexually and romantically, and might just be expressing love for each other as friends.

Cliff1975 · 15/02/2023 07:54

My son is gay he is 20. He was gay at 7 and looking back now I can see that he has always been gay, he was born gay, he is gay. Did he know this at 7, no, neither did we. They need time to figure themselves out. Don't judge but don't read into it either- time will tell.

Whydoitry · 15/02/2023 07:59

I asked my adult gay friend when he realised he was gay once, and he said he always knew. So yes, I think they can. I had a strong crush on a boy from around that age to 13!

On the other hand, I also think it could mean they're just best friends. Just have to wait and see.

Curriedpeanuts · 15/02/2023 08:02

I know a straight man who, aged around 6, saw his female friend naked and fleetingly became aware of a desire towards the female body. He wouldn't have had the words or understanding to label it as sexual though.

I also know lesbians who remember being strongly drawn to female teachers etc at around 7 or 8, again the understanding of what it meant came much later.

By around 10 I was getting naked to cuddle a female friend, I just didn't think it was anything out of the ordinary (it was normal for me) so the penny never dropped.

So I would say that it is entirely likely that your daughter feels drawn to girls. She may or may not continue to be drawn to girls at puberty.
What is different to previous generations is that she has the self awareness and language to describe it.

HappyBinosaur · 15/02/2023 08:04

I knew I was attracted to girls from a young age, maybe not quite as young as 7 but certainly while still in primary school. I was attracted to boys as well but that developed later. As an adult although I am happily married to a man who I am obviously attracted to, I still generally find women much more attractive and this has always been the case.

Curriedpeanuts · 15/02/2023 08:07

MrsTerryPratchett · 15/02/2023 06:29

I have to count back through Harrison Ford's career to work out when I really knew I liked boys, 9. And if I could get all swoons over Han, I'm sure other girls felt the same about Leia.

Ah yes, Princess Leia.....😍

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