Quick Poll of MNers around domestic abuse - No details needed

[WoodforTrees]

A quick poll.

On the back of one of the threads about Emma Pattison who was murdered this week along with her daughter, it has become apparent just how many women relate to life she may have been living. We know the figures around reported domestic abuse, and some of the charities like Women's Aid will have a guess at unreported figures, but I think the numbers are higher than even the worst guess.

I never reported. I even insisted everything was 'fine' when someone reported on my behalf. I know there are more like me.

There is a good definition of domestic abuse here. It breaks down the types and gives examples for anyone who is unclear:

thefirststep.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Types-of-abuse-and-examples.pdf

Please feel free to name-change and simply write 'Yes' or 'No' to indicate whether you have ever experienced any form of DA. Please please don't think this poll isn't for you if you never have. I'm hoping to see lots of 'No' answers.

Thank you.

Yes

No

Yes.

Yes, psychological, financial and stalking. Reported ex.
Current relationship feel that sometimes emotional, and withholds sex and affection.

My mother, financial, psychological, rape

Yes, but as a child with my dad who coercively controlled my mum.

I narrowly escaped it myself with my first boyfriend who did the silent treatment frequently. Hit me once and I left- I was only 19 so easier for me than those who have children I think.

yes - 1 man
mymother controlled me with guilting shaming manipulating, DARVO
The two are connected.

Yes

What you're describing is coercive control. A pattern of behaviour by the abuser designed to get you to change your behaviour and do what they want. Individual incidents like you describe aren't, but when it becomes a pattern of behaviour it is. And I agree, it destroys you. You don't realise how much until you're not experiencing it any more.

It had nothing to do with changing my behaviour. Everything was wrong, it was impossible to adapt to and would have happened however I reacted. It was classic alcoholic behaviour which changed completely when he became sober. Total Jekyll and Hyde.

No

Yes

Yes

Yes

I did report and the police were good. It took me 23 years to report.

That's great to hear! And congratulations; it must have been a very difficult process.

Yes, in the 80's, I was 19.

I ran away down to my horse to get away from him, the police found my car and me, just drove me back to him, no questions, nothing, I pray that wouldn't happen these days

No

Me: yes, yes and yes. One reported but before justice.
One daughter: yes; reported, no justice.
Other daughter: yes; reported, justice in the pipeline.
I don't know what's wrong with men.
I was done with them, until I met a good one.

@Pureradio hugs; it would appear that it wouldn't x

Thank you xx

Yes but only shoving me, smashing up and throwing stuff in my presence (not at me), criticism and lack of physical affection. It’s borderline I think.

No

No
And no on behalf of my sister and my Mum as well ( the only relationships other than mine I know well enough to be 100% sure of)

Yes.
Agree this is hugely under-reported and numbers don't reflect reality.

No.

But yes for my mum in 3 relationships. She reported the one that included attempted murder (effective immediate action from the police, but no arrest or prosecution followed), but not the other 2.