Elderly parent moving in- how much did adaptations cost?

[OMGidontbelieveit]

So looks as though my mum can’t live independently any more.

I live on my own and have a small 3 bed so she’s moving in with me. I manage all her money, she has enough to spend and I make sure her bills are paid etc.

as I’m on my own my house is quite basic, I’ve not really spent money on it in years. Kids have moved out a while back.

mums house is on the market and we have had an offer for 550k (south east).

I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc.

what would be an appropriate amount to spend? Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? does anyone check up on these things? I am putting the rest away for care needs in the future.

i don’t have a very good relationship with my sister, could she argue that it’s her inheritance I’ve spent and dispute a will or anything?

Power of attorney is in the post but not granted yet.

You are contradicting yourself. If your mum doesn't understand the consequence of a decision then she lacks the mental capacity to make that decision. Anyone making a decision for her then has to have the appropriate authority and be making it her best interests. You say she is easily swayed and you are going to tell her that if she gifts you a ton of money you will look after her. You shouldn't be out of pocket looking after her if she has means but you should not be profiting from it. From the information you have given you are going to financially abuse your mother.

You may well get away with it but you know what you are doing is wrong on many levels.

I hope you are one of the few cases that doesn't get away with it. I don't believe in karma but these kinds of things make me wish it existed.

I don’t think my mum would fail a competency test but she doesn’t the consequences of her decisions and is easily swayed.

Op you have just confirmed that your mother doesn't have full capacity regarding decision making. Therefore making the decisions re living with you and using HER money that YOU want to spend on YOUR house financial abuse. You have swayed her into singing POA and your have swayed her into thinking she needs all these adaptations and extensions to your house for her.
The POA for finance you don't fully understand. Your just spending her money

It's ironic that someone who says Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? has the cheek to express concern that her sister would try and take some of her Mum's money leaving her short for her care needs.

£200,000 ? £2000 sq mtr average

Is that good? the plans were drawn up a while back. We’re in the south so an expensive part of the country.

it just seems a bit pointless spending money on a downstairs bathroom when the plans are already done and approved for an extension.

So who was going to fund this large extension originally when you had the plans drawn up? You? Because frankly, if you still want that extension, then you should still be paying for it. Your mum's money is for her care and to spend as she wishes, then if anything remains after that it can be divided as she wishes according to the terms of her will.

Because I think you could be accused of financial abuse if not outright theft if you do not have your own income sufficient for your needs.

Can you see how this looks - and sounds, given your own words. If this were to go before a Judge how do you imagine you'll come across?

There is no point in going to social care about funding an extension of your Mum can access upstairs facilities. The Disabled Facilities Grant can fund up to £30,000 for access to essential facilities. Bedroom, shower room, toilet, access in and out of property for example. It is means tested so if your mother has substantial savings then she won’t be eligible. It can’t be paid in retrospect and you have plans drawn up. It is a great idea though, level access shower, accessible toilet, a room to sleep and hopefully level access into the property will help you support your mother and you as you age. Go for it but do look at accessible homes design to ensure that it will meet your needs.

No I wasn’t planning on going to social care, we don’t need it as mum has the money for the extension. She of fine getting upstairs at the moment, I am looking long term.

as to my own income I can support myself.

why would I be in front of a judge? I am making my house more comfortable for both of us and also covering her future needs as if she needs more downstairs living I can convert the existing living room into a bedroom for her.

Also I don’t see what it has to do with my sister really, if I’m doing the care and looking after her for the next x years then why should she get a say in how the money is spent?
It’ll be me arranging carers to come in etc.

Also I don’t see what it has to do with my sister really, if I’m doing the care and looking after her for the next x years then why should she get a say in how the money is spent?
It’ll be me arranging carers to come in etc.

It’s not up to you how your mothers money is spent.

you really don’t seem to have a clue how you are coming across.

Your sister has a right to protect her mother from being taken advantage of

You really are disgusting.

Your mother doesnt understand the consequences of her decisions and is easily swayed?
You are taking advantage of this

there is a thread similar to this on the elderly parents board at the mo, only from the perspective of the other sister, several years into things.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/elderly_parents/4733739-siblings-want-to-put-mum-in-a-home

I read that earlier. Funny how people are supportive of the caring sibling saying she’s looked after her for years and the o/p is being grabby about the extension to the house 🙄

I don't live near my mum and I worry a lot about her care. If my sister suggested that my mum sells her flat and moves in with her and use some of her money to build her an accesible room and bathroom I'd be very, very happy with the idea.

You should be encouraging your mother to give the same amount she is spending on refurbishing YOUR home to your sister. Ultimately, you will benefit from the increased value of your home which your will encourage your mother to fund.

It. Is. Not. Your. Money.

Your sister has every right to check your mum is being properly taken care of and not taken for a ride

You still haven't answered my earlier question - have you actually asked (not told) your mum about this and is it what she actually wants to happen?

I work for Adult Social Services in the safeguarding team.

I have serious concerns that you have made yourself POA when you have questions about your Mum's ability to make decisions. Does she understand what you have done?

You need legal advice because you could be accused of financial abuse.

There's no way the OP doesn't know how she's coming across.

It's very clearly just someone testing out what their sister can do about their plan to have their mother - who can use the stairs - fund their already planned extension.

If it was already planned @OMGidontbelieveit why is your mother funding it?