Elderly parent moving in- how much did adaptations cost?

[OMGidontbelieveit]

So looks as though my mum can’t live independently any more.

I live on my own and have a small 3 bed so she’s moving in with me. I manage all her money, she has enough to spend and I make sure her bills are paid etc.

as I’m on my own my house is quite basic, I’ve not really spent money on it in years. Kids have moved out a while back.

mums house is on the market and we have had an offer for 550k (south east).

I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc.

what would be an appropriate amount to spend? Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? does anyone check up on these things? I am putting the rest away for care needs in the future.

i don’t have a very good relationship with my sister, could she argue that it’s her inheritance I’ve spent and dispute a will or anything?

Power of attorney is in the post but not granted yet.

But she hasn’t been deemed to lack capacity.

OP can think what she likes about her mum’s capacity.

If OPs mum signed the forms then it is valid if a dr or social worker hasn’t said she lacks capacity.

exactly- so if doing the house will make it nicer for both of us and give us more space, she can pay for it if she wants.

I have told her what I’m doing and that it’s being done so she’s more comfortable. She knows she needs more help.

OP, you seem hell bent on it.

But please, listen to all of us who have advised you to get legal advice or you could find yourself in hot water in years to come.

I would look into the implications of possibly needing to sell your house to fund any future care
It can get complicated

No I don’t want to use the POA. I’ve done it now so if she does deteriorate it’s all set up.

I have said I am managing her finances as she’s never been great with money, can’t use internet banking etc, and it kind of evolved from lockdown when banks were shut. I make sure she doesn’t overspend, and bills are paid etc.

I am not doing it under POA, I am doing it because it’s easier for mum that way.

Your attitude is all wrong.

You should not be telling your mother anything.

If she has capacity you should be discussing it with her and making sure she, like you, knows all of the pitfalls of it.

What safeguarding have you got in mind to put in place should anything happen to you, for example?

Key question for me OP: have you asked your mum if she'd like your sister to be jointly on the POA with you?

Have you explained to your mum that it's easier if it's just you but that your sister's feelings will be hurt if she's left off?

It's her decision to make, not yours. I think you're doing what suits you at the expense of your sister, while your mum isn't thinking clearly enough to object/fully understand, as you explained earlier: "I don’t think she can make decisions around that but she hasn’t had any sort of competency assessment."

So this is murky (at best!) and might very well be subject to legal challenge by your sister. Which would put your house at risk if she were successful in her challenge.

It's clear what you WANT to do but you really do need legal advice before you do it.

I think tax is involved if it’s over a certain amount.
I think it’s worth you spending £100 (max) on speaking with a solicitor. Go armed with all your questions written down and take notes.
Then you’ll know you’ve acted 100% correctly and nothing can come back on you.

Tbh, if you put things to your sister as you do on here people would absolutely be advising her to take legal advice on protecting your mother.

So what happens if you build the £200k extension and your mum has a stroke and needs constant 24 hour care because, like my MIL, she is profoundly disabled, can't communicate, is doubly incontinent and wakes screaming several times a night. Or if, like my friends gran, her dementia meant she couldn't be left unsupervised for a minute because ( among other things) she put a plastic electric kettle on the hob and set fire to the kitchen in the time it took to strip and make her bed?

No, you don't understand OP. If your DM needs care, the council will look at her finances, especially any big payments or gifts, to see if it's 'deprivation of assets'.
Part of that is if at the time the money was spent/gifted did the person have a reasonable expectation that they would need care.

Your DM moving in with you is a bloody big flashing light saying 'I'm going to need care'

If the council determine that your DM spent a whack on doing up your house and building an extension they're quite likely to ask you to give it back to her so she can pay for her care.

At which point you'd probably need to sell your house.

You need to speak to a solicitor before you do anything.

We don’t really speak. She is a bit younger and has primary aged kids so busy. I only work part time and want to retire soon anyway.

all she’d be bothered about is her inheritance anyway. Which would all be spent on a care home if I didn’t move mum in with me.

*No, you don't understand OP. If your DM needs care, the council will look at her finances, especially any big payments or gifts, to see if it's 'deprivation of assets'.

Part of that is if at the time the money was spent/gifted did the person have a reasonable expectation that they would need care*

I plan to pay for private nursing care in my home. There’ll be 3-400k left to fund it.

all she’d be bothered about is her inheritance anyway. Which would all be spent on a care home if I didn’t move mum in with me.

Moving your mum in with you doesn't mean that her savings wont be spent on the care home anyway! You have no idea what your mothers health care needs might be in several years time, or even in a years time! And if your mum does end up in a care home for a lengthy period of time and runs out of cash, the LA are going to look at you in your £200K extension, which she may never even have had the opportunity to use, or the requirement for the downstairs bedroom etc, and come after you for deprivation of assets.

Screams more like you want to use your mothers money to get yourself a bigger house and screw your sister, doesn’t matter if she doesn’t think it’s the best way to care for your mother. I’d be advising her to get legal advice too.

OP you are setting yourself up for accusations of financial abuse. How would you react if your sister was doing what you propose? I bet you'd be livid.

"I have told my sister that I’ve just done POA for me, she wasn’t happy about it and thinks it should be both of us but it’s easier if it’s just one of us."

It may be easier for you if it's just you that controls your mum's money, but you sister's priority may not be your convenience. She may not be certain that you will always work in your mum's best interests, regardless of your own. She may feel you have pressured your mum into signing the Power of Attorney for just you. Can you prove you didn't?

She is entitled to contact the Office of the Public Guardian and ask for them to investigate. If there is any doubt that all your decisions were in your mum's best interests, including long term, you could be in trouble.

Tread carefully. What looks reasonable to you may not look so reasonable to another party.

The poster is either naive, silly, greedy or goady. IMV

This is any vulnerable old lady with assets or money classical nightmare ! Has you mother made a recent Will at all? Does she wish to make a Will - privately, 🙄with out you interfering? What are HER wishes regarding HER money? You seem to be pole vaulting the gun here with all your house extensions and renovations!

According to this article any assets owned by a relative over 60 isn’t included in deprivation of assets calculations:

amp.theguardian.com/money/2016/sep/01/will-my-mother-have-to-sell-her-half-of-our-house-to-pay-for-care

The share of jointly resided-in property of someone going into care is only included in the means test if the joint resident is not that person’s partner or former partner, and not a relative over the age of 60 or a child under 18.

Unfortunately OP a lot of your posts talk about what you want to do, and there are quite a few statements where you've told your mum what is happening.
These decisions need to be your mum's not yours.
And you really need to get some proper advice on deprivation of assets. Have look at Carers UK, Age UK, the Alzheimer's Society websites for accurate information.

But you don't jointly own the home. It's your home, and you mum will have spent her savings doing it up. That's where the deprivation of assets is coming from.

It doesn’t specify jointly owned, just “jointly resided in”

Yes she can do something about it long before it gets to disputing a Will.

Does/ did your mum have capacity to actually award you the POA?

As an attorney / Deputy you are required to act in your mothers best interests. Sometimes the family benefits through this and that's absolutely fine. It is not fine to look after yourself and your interests with a side of looking after mum.

Yes people get away with this all the time, even when found out. A few people do not. Your sister or anyone else involved including a LA financial assessment team that questions your motives could go to the OPG / LA and say you are not acting in your mums best interests and benefitting yourself. You could be removed as Attorney in favour of your sister / panel solicitor/ LA and potentially end up in Court yourself. There are guides online about Attorney's/ Deputies and gifting.

@OMGidontbelieveit your looking at it the wrong way. When the financial assessment is done they will see that a large chunk of money came out of your mum's account to pay for the work on your home. THAT is the deprivation of assets.