Elderly parent moving in- how much did adaptations cost?

[OMGidontbelieveit]

So looks as though my mum can’t live independently any more.

I live on my own and have a small 3 bed so she’s moving in with me. I manage all her money, she has enough to spend and I make sure her bills are paid etc.

as I’m on my own my house is quite basic, I’ve not really spent money on it in years. Kids have moved out a while back.

mums house is on the market and we have had an offer for 550k (south east).

I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc.

what would be an appropriate amount to spend? Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? does anyone check up on these things? I am putting the rest away for care needs in the future.

i don’t have a very good relationship with my sister, could she argue that it’s her inheritance I’ve spent and dispute a will or anything?

Power of attorney is in the post but not granted yet.

And is your sister on the pier of attorney? She really should be.

*power obviously

I am constantly hearing tales of siblings falling out over parents and their assets. Very sad.

in England and Wales , you can’t just list someone as an owner of a house. It has to be registered on the deeds with the Land Registry, and it would be advisable to have this done by a conveyancing solicitor, to avoid future disputes as to ownership.

anyway, the OP would be I’ll advised to sign away her house to her mother, even in return for a cash sum. If she did , the house would be liable for care fees, and the sister could well end up inheriting at least some of her mothers share of the house.

consult a solicitor, not Mumsnet ( interesting though the replies are😚🤔

The council may be able to help you with a grant to adapt the house , for instance a downstairs disability bathroom. This is available to property owners.

I'd recommend, ramp at front door, a downstairs walk-in (or push a wheelchair in) wet room shower+ toilet. Either a down stairs bedroom, or a stairlift

If you request a social services / OT assessment now it would be done in your mum's current home. She may be issued with equipment that could go with her when she moves on with you (assuming it fits safely). She would then need to be reassessed when she moves in with you.
She won't be entitled to any funding towards major adaptations as she be over the financial threshold.
Considering your ages it would absolutely be seen as deprivation of assets if you fund a huge extension.
Paying for a stair lift, for example, would be fine (when she needs one).
Does your mum have capacity at the moment? The PoA doesn't kick in till she no longer has capacity.

Not if she has 550k proceeds of a house sale!

"can I go top of the range and get the whole house done" ..... ermm no, not with your mother's money!

No I didn’t put her on the POA as it’s only me that makes decisions. I don’t need to be asking her permission everytime I need to do something. She lives a couple of hours away so not really available to sign stuff.

the POA isn’t back yet. Mum can’t really manage her own money. I don’t think she can make decisions around that but she hasn’t had any sort of competency assessment.

Does your mother have capability to make decisions or not?

You need to get proper legal advice. Not just ask online.

you can’t just go spending 200k of your mother’s money if she’s not capable of making that decision herself. And if she is capable you both need proper advice to make sure everything is sorted properly and not going to cause any problems.

We did everything properly even though BIL was fully behind mil moving in with us. You never know what’s going to happen.

You also need to make sure there are safeguards in place of anything happens to you before your mother dies. If she’s potentially going to be homeless if that happens her investment needs to come back to her.

She might get assistance if it is deemed that her mother needs these adaptations! Right now, the OP has indicated that her mother can still use an upstairs bedroom, so it's debatable what the council will pay for. Maybe some grab rails for making things easier or adaptations to the existing bathroom but they're not going to fund a new bathroom for someone who is capable of using the one already in place.

And yes, as everybody said, you absolutely must get proper legal advice before doing anything. The more you talk about your sister right now, the more I'd like to hear her side of the story though. You can't decide independently that your mother no longer has capacity and start spending her money, particularly the huge sums that you were talking about.

It sounds to me like you’ve seen £££ signs at the thought of getting your hands on your mum’s money once she sells her house in order to do up your own house. If I were your sister, I’d be absolutely fuming.
With regard to the deprivation of assets and you being over 60, you’re confused. If you lived in your mums house as an over 60 year old, then it couldn’t be sold, but you’re talking about her selling her home and giving you the money. That’s an entirely different thing.
She could end up needing residential care at a cost of £1500 A WEEK, so over 2 years that would cost her £156k.
What does your DMs will say?
If she gave you, say £200k, to renovate your house, then spent another £200k on care fees before she died, that would leave £100k. If her will says her estate is to be split equally between her 2 children, you’d both get £50k, but you’d be a further £200k better off than your sister.
Can you see that this would be very unfair? Would you feel it was fair if it was reversed and you got £50k whilst your sister got 5X more?

I think your sister would be wise to consult a Solicitor herself because you sound like you are as dodgy as fuck with your Mum's money frankly

Also be aware that you’d be liable for inheritance tax if she dies within 7 years.

My god, you’re really trying to screw over your sister aren’t you!!!
A POA is a document that is completed BY THE person it relates to. Who witnessed your mum’s signature?
You cannot make decisions about your mum’s money unless she has been assessed and no longer having capacity. If she doesn’t have capacity, then she can’t sell her house, and even with POA neither can you.

If i was your sister I would think you are stealing that money.

If your mum does not have capacity its too late to apply for PoA.

You absolutely should be joint attorneys in any case to protect your poor mum.

My sister and i both act for our mum despite living 8 hours apart, being very different people and not getting on particularly well.

To legally spend any of your mums money you need to activate PoA which will involve legally notifying all her next of kin including your sister who would hopefully raise concerns.

OK so "can I do the whole house top of the range" and "Mum can't cope with her finances and make decisions but YOU have decided your sister can't be on the POA because YOU don't want her. Your mother needs to make these decisions not YOU and if she is unable to it is too late for a POA. I fully expect your sister to be challenging anything and everything you spend at some stage.

"

You can be jointly and severally on a POA - so that's you and your sister or you or your sister

If your mother doesn't have capacity over her finances - how did she recently have capacity to sign a power of attorney? This smells pretty dodgy. Who was the certificate provider?

I sort of get this
Mum gave us PoA when she felt she was approaching being unable to deal with the minutiae of banking, can't put her card number in for phone banking because arthritic hands etc

but she was more than sufficiently with it to sign a PofA for us.

I wonder if OP has just explained it badly. But if my sister didn't also have PoA, we would have told her it was just being given to me. Maybe OP isn't on good enough terms for that.

So I need to go to a solicitor with my mum and get it put in writing that it’s a gift? If she’s there and agrees?

I downloaded the POA forms and did them myself. Only just been posted off though.

I can't help the feeling that OP might be seeking a way to enhance her own home at the expense of her mother. I could be wrong and apologies if so.

Your mother's proceeds of sale are hers, not yours. If she has capacity she can make her own decisions. POA must be made by someone who has capacity, so has mother assigned just you or both you and your sister as attorneys for her?

Who made the decision for her to sell up and move in with you? Was your sister involved in the decision?

There are so many things lighting bulbs here really and I don't know what to think.

I've been that daughter BTW. Mum made her own decisions, my brother was fine with it, he was joint attorney with me. Mum came to live here, we needed to adapt things but nothing like a massive extension and all the rest of it, just a chair lift, grab rails, and fall alarms etc. Before a year was up she was in full time care due to a sudden and unforeseen deterioration.

This. I have told my sister that I’ve just done POA for me, she wasn’t happy about it and thinks it should be both of us but it’s easier if it’s just one of us.

I do mum’s banking via internet as she can’t use computers.

If you don't think your mother has capacity - as you stated earlier - then you'll not be able to get her to put in writing that it's a gift, nor will you be able to get POA.

You can't have it both ways. Not without fraud going on somewhere.

At no point have you made any mention of what your mother wants or thinks of any of this.

It's not actually your decision to make.

If your mother has capacity then it's up to her who is POA and if it's one or both of you.

If she doesn't have capacity then you have to do it through court and they'll decide.