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Original poster

Elderly parent moving in- how much did adaptations cost?

145 replies

OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 13:08

So looks as though my mum can’t live independently any more.

I live on my own and have a small 3 bed so she’s moving in with me. I manage all her money, she has enough to spend and I make sure her bills are paid etc.

as I’m on my own my house is quite basic, I’ve not really spent money on it in years. Kids have moved out a while back.

mums house is on the market and we have had an offer for 550k (south east).

I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc.

what would be an appropriate amount to spend? Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? does anyone check up on these things? I am putting the rest away for care needs in the future.

i don’t have a very good relationship with my sister, could she argue that it’s her inheritance I’ve spent and dispute a will or anything?

Power of attorney is in the post but not granted yet.

OP posts:
EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:27

OP we can't help unless you answer properly

FWIW I'm in charge of everything in my family, so I think you might be coming from that place in a well meant way, but you are coming across a bit clueless.

Original poster
OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:29

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:27

OP we can't help unless you answer properly

FWIW I'm in charge of everything in my family, so I think you might be coming from that place in a well meant way, but you are coming across a bit clueless.

Answer what properly? I am trying to address points but may have missed.

mum signed the POA forms so why wouldn’t they be valid?

OP posts:
Wishiwasatailor · 01/02/2023 15:30

OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:26

This. I have told my sister that I’ve just done POA for me, she wasn’t happy about it and thinks it should be both of us but it’s easier if it’s just one of us.

I do mum’s banking via internet as she can’t use computers.

Show quote history

That’s appalling your mother should have been the one that decided who should have power of attorney prior to her loosing capacity.
You can have 2 attorneys who can make decisions independently and jointly so this would have been suitable in your circumstances with your sister. What happens if something happens to you before your mother dies?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Care homes Dementia & alzheimer's
Sugarplumfairy65 · 01/02/2023 15:30

OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:29

Answer what properly? I am trying to address points but may have missed.

mum signed the POA forms so why wouldn’t they be valid?

Show quote history

Who else signed and witnessed them?

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:32

OP we cross posted

so your mum just wants you to be Pof A? You said it's what you wanted, which is bound to raise concern as PoA is about what your mum wants.

Does your mum want to gift you £200k? Has your sister been told?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2023 15:32

OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:29

Answer what properly? I am trying to address points but may have missed.

mum signed the POA forms so why wouldn’t they be valid?

Show quote history

Because you've stated that she doesn't have capacity to make decisions in your opinion.

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:33

Wishiwasatailor · 01/02/2023 15:30

That’s appalling your mother should have been the one that decided who should have power of attorney prior to her loosing capacity.
You can have 2 attorneys who can make decisions independently and jointly so this would have been suitable in your circumstances with your sister. What happens if something happens to you before your mother dies?

Show quote history

I think OP mum has capacity.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/02/2023 15:35

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:33

I think OP mum has capacity.

Show quote history

The OP doesn't..

I don’t think she can make decisions around that but she hasn’t had any sort of competency assessment.

It smacks of firing off the forms before anything official is noted from the way the OP is coming across...

cptartapp · 01/02/2023 15:35

Your sisters right. POA should be both of you.
There's an unsavoury undertone here OP.

Ladybug14 · 01/02/2023 15:36

You are aware, aren't you, that a lasting power of attorney only kicks in when your Mother is deemed to NOT have the mental capacity to run her own affairs and make decisions. Having no capacity is determined by a doctor or social worker.

A lasting power of attorney isn't a document which you can use to manage your mother's money WHILST SHE HAS CAPACITY

Doing THAT is fraud and stealing

Just a heads up Confused

Adviceneeded200 · 01/02/2023 15:36

The financial POA can be used when the person wants help AFAIK not just when they need help. It's the health POA that needs doctors to prove incapacity

Dad has just prepared his and put my brother and I but we can act separately by ticking a box for the way we are appointed. We have to act in Dad's best interests if using it. My brother is unlikely to be involved but it seemed the right thing to do. Who knows, circumstances.might change too and he's later needed.

We had an advisor - we did our own POAs at the same time.

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:37

Ladybug14 · 01/02/2023 15:36

You are aware, aren't you, that a lasting power of attorney only kicks in when your Mother is deemed to NOT have the mental capacity to run her own affairs and make decisions. Having no capacity is determined by a doctor or social worker.

A lasting power of attorney isn't a document which you can use to manage your mother's money WHILST SHE HAS CAPACITY

Doing THAT is fraud and stealing

Just a heads up Confused

Incorrect

mum wants me/us to run her finances

that is a legit use of PoA. She has all her marbles.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/02/2023 15:45

NO!
You need to get legal advice before you do anything You can't just decide to spend your Mums money
I have a feeling you're getting carried away and only seeing £££
And as for doing the POA forms yourself!
No wonder you don't get on with your sister

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:47

uncomfortablydumb53 · 01/02/2023 15:45

NO!
You need to get legal advice before you do anything You can't just decide to spend your Mums money
I have a feeling you're getting carried away and only seeing £££
And as for doing the POA forms yourself!
No wonder you don't get on with your sister

Is there something in the air today?
you can do PofA forms from the govt website. I would have thought most people do?

Ladybug14 · 01/02/2023 15:49

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:37

Incorrect

mum wants me/us to run her finances

that is a legit use of PoA. She has all her marbles.

Show quote history

That is not what I was told by Dad's solicitor

DeskChair · 01/02/2023 15:50

If you mum is with it then she can spend her money however the fuck she wants. It’s nothing to do with her daughter la. So if she wants to sell and move in with you and spend that money on a granny flat to live with you then it’s her money. If she hasn’t got capacity and you sell her house and use her money that’s different

MistletoeandBaileys · 01/02/2023 15:51

Does a POA not need to be signed and witnessed by a solicitor or something? For the protection of the person? Otherwise anyone can be coerced into signing a POA.

HappyHolidai · 01/02/2023 15:51

OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:24

So I need to go to a solicitor with my mum and get it put in writing that it’s a gift? If she’s there and agrees?

I downloaded the POA forms and did them myself. Only just been posted off though.

Part of the POA forms is that there must be a "certificate provider" who chats to your mum and checks she understood what she was doing and hadn't been forced into it.

Ive recently done this for a friend and a friend did it for me when I set up my own power of attorney forms.

They need to have signed the forms. Who did this for your mum? It couldn't have been you: that's not permitted as you are an attorney.

Original poster
OMGidontbelieveit · 01/02/2023 15:51

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:47

Is there something in the air today?
you can do PofA forms from the govt website. I would have thought most people do?

Show quote history

Yes, all there. You fill in the forms, neighbour witnessed, send off.

OP posts:
Iwantabloodypizza · 01/02/2023 15:52

EmmaEmerald · 01/02/2023 15:47

Is there something in the air today?
you can do PofA forms from the govt website. I would have thought most people do?

Show quote history

Yes, that’s what my dad did. He got me to print them out, we all signed them and got a witness.

But I think what people are saying is that OP did them with no input from her mum?

FWIW, my dad wasn’t deemed to lack capacity until he’d already been in a home for 3 months.

We were obviously having to deal with paying the home for him. His bank didn’t want any proof of lack of capacity, just wanted to see the POA paperwork to alter his account to a POA led one. I was a bit shocked at that.

HappyHolidai · 01/02/2023 15:53

Ladybug14 · 01/02/2023 15:49

That is not what I was told by Dad's solicitor

Show quote history

Your dad's solicitor was either incorrect or confusing.

There is an option on the financial POA forms to enable someone to act as attorney even when the donor has capacity. But maybe your dad had it set up the other way, such that it can't be activated until a loss of capacity.

Iwantabloodypizza · 01/02/2023 15:54

I do think a lot of people think that POAs have to be done by a solicitor. They do a roaring trade in charging a fortune for doing something that it easy to do and far cheaper to do yourself online via the gov website.

Ladybug14 · 01/02/2023 16:00

HappyHolidai · 01/02/2023 15:53

Your dad's solicitor was either incorrect or confusing.

There is an option on the financial POA forms to enable someone to act as attorney even when the donor has capacity. But maybe your dad had it set up the other way, such that it can't be activated until a loss of capacity.

Show quote history

I see. That would make sense

He definitely wouldn't have wanted me to run his finances unless he was actually incapable of running them himself.

I ran Mums for her but kept receipts/proof for everything that went in and out of her account

stripedsox · 01/02/2023 16:10

It's your mum's money, not yours or your sisters while your mum's alive.

LeapingCat · 01/02/2023 16:11

The problem you’re going to have is you don’t think your Mum has capacity, so you want to immediately use the POA to take over her affairs. But she’s only just agreed to the POA while you already think she doesn’t have capacity. So the POA isn’t valid.

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