Elderly parent moving in- how much did adaptations cost?

[OMGidontbelieveit]

So looks as though my mum can’t live independently any more.

I live on my own and have a small 3 bed so she’s moving in with me. I manage all her money, she has enough to spend and I make sure her bills are paid etc.

as I’m on my own my house is quite basic, I’ve not really spent money on it in years. Kids have moved out a while back.

mums house is on the market and we have had an offer for 550k (south east).

I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc.

what would be an appropriate amount to spend? Can I go top of the range and get the whole hose redone, or must I stick to the basics to cover her needs? does anyone check up on these things? I am putting the rest away for care needs in the future.

i don’t have a very good relationship with my sister, could she argue that it’s her inheritance I’ve spent and dispute a will or anything?

Power of attorney is in the post but not granted yet.

Have you had the council in to assess?

Before my dad went into a home, he stayed with me for a while. He was assesed by SS and the falls team came out - they provided a special chair, bed rails and would have paid for grab rails etc to
be put in if he was moving in full time, despite
him having savings etc.

It’s worth calling your local council, you
might not have to pay for it yourself and they can put a plan together for what’s needed.

The falls advisor who came out to see him was great. She said it’s basically cheaper for the LA to pay for these things at home rather than someone fall and end up in hopital and then in respite care etc.

Ss and ot can assess what's needed then your sister would have no need to argue.

No does the council need to come out?

she’s physically mobile at the minute, so a bedroom upstairs is fine.
Long term though I’m thinking should I just get a big downstairs extension that includes extra living space so if mobility was an issue I can turn it into a downstairs bedroom.

at the moment it’s not needed- but long term it would be cheaper to do a larger extension now, rather than add a downstairs toilet now and still need to do the extension in a few years. The big extension would cost around 200k though I think?

how do I go about getting the council to assess? There is no ss or any other involvement at the minute.

Agree with pp speak to gp re a referral to the falls team which usually consists of a physio and an OT who can do an assessment. In terms of the cost if your mum couldn’t move in with you would she have to go to residential/nursing home? If so you are already saving ££££ every month. Personally I’d go with something that fits the style of the house and needs of your mum, no marble sinks unless that’s what you are taking out.
have you applied for attendance allowance, council tax reduction etc?

Ring your local council and ask for an occupational therapy assessment
They will look at his needs and see what aids and adaptions would help him
By coincidence I've had one here today.. my mobility has deteriorated and I got stuck in my bath so I'm trying a bath lift first but can ultimately have a wet room fitted if necessary
Grab rails and risers fitted as standard

Sorry her needs

Phone adult social care and ask for an assessment.

If she can’t live independently, she will be entitled to one.

Be careful with spending so much.

I would go and see a solicitor for advice.

We were going to do the same for my dad (I am an only child, so no other family regarding inheritance), but I am so glad we didn’t as he actually went from being okay to descending into dementia within a year (there wasn’t a hint of it before) and needing 24 hour care in a home. Those needs are too great for me to cope
with.

You never know what will happen and it could be seen as deprivation of assets if she needs care that you can’t provide later on.

I can guarantee if you spend £200k of it building a large extension on your house which your mother doesn’t currently need you can kiss goodbye to any relationship with your sister. It happened in my family and it got really ugly.

Can she do anything to stop it though? If it’s for mum’s future?

also I’m over 60, isn’t there something where the deprivation of assets doesn’t apply as they can’t force me to sell up?

First steps, I would speak to adult social care,
get an assessment from the falls team. They will tell you what she needs at the moment, what she may need in the future and what they will
provide.

Even if she couldn’t walk upstairs to a
bedroom then the argument would be why a 200k extension when you could have a stair lift fitted.

I really think you should get some legal advice.

Look on the law society website for solicitors who deal with elderly care issues.

I’m glad I did. I had a free half hour consultation with two different ones. They warned me against doing what you want to do.

But please get legal advice if you are dead set on your plans.

Can I ask why they warned you against it?

there will be enough money left to pay for private nursing care, so she is unlikely to need a nursing home etc.

The OT from Adult Social Care will provide equipment free of charge . Any big adaptations will be funded via a Disabled Facilities Grant which is means tested so your mum may not be eligible. The OT assessment will give you an indication of what is needed at a minimum to meet your mum’s needs - eg a stair lift rather than an extension as a PP said.

You really need legal advice. If you do up the whole house with a big extension etc I actually think your sister would have a right to be cross. Also you never know the future re care costs and deprivation of assets etc. Make sure you know what you are doing and the possible ramifications both legal and personal!

Would the money just not be classed as a gift?

surely adults give their children money fairly often?

Mainly because you don’t know what’s around the corner. Deprivation of assets it’s a huge issue.

I didn’t think my father would need to go in a home, until he did. I was adamant that we would sell his house and have him move in with us, adapt it. Even if we had done that, even if we had carers come in, it would have been dangerous and unmanageable very quickly.

It would then have been a grey area if his money had been tied up in my home. And even with money left over, that gets burned up fast and then you have to explain where the rest
went when the LA assess for funding. People can outlive their money by years.

All the money from his house sale is almost gone now at £1,300 a week, which is what the going rate for all the homes here is.

Your mum might be one of the lucky ones who can stay at home without issue until she dies, but you never know.

And with a sister who you don’t get on with added to the mix - you should really get professional advice.

A massive monetary gift in later life can be seen as depriving assets for care if needed.

Its such a difficult, murky area.

Is there enough money to pay for round-the-clock nursing care for X number of years? Sadly, that’s what you would need if your mum ends up having dementia and is unsafe to leave on her own. My mum had to go into a care home after the morning carer arrived to find her missing - she’d gone wandering during the night. Thankfully she had not gone far.

Regarding the council claiming deprivation of assets, I think the exemption may only apply to the spouse of the person needing care. I’d second the advice to speak to a solicitor who specialises in this area.

You using your mum’s money could certainly cause issues with your sister. Would you be happy to sell your house, for example, to pay your sister her half of the inheritance after your mum dies?

But your Mum doesn't need a large extension with downstairs bathroom.

By the time she does need to have ground floor living , she might need to be in a care home, therefore no need to adapt your home

So... what you're suggesting is deprivation of assets pure and simple.

Also very unfair to your sister

Not £200k just as they start needing care. What if your mum hates living with you and decides to live with your sister/independently in the future? What if your circumstances change and you can't care for her any more? What if you dont get planning consent to massively extend and change the house? etc etc.

You say "you" are putting the rest of the money aside for care fees - it's not your money, it's your mum's money. Either this is your mum's decision, or you are doing it under POA in her best interests, which you might want to document very carefully in case your sister challenges it in the future.

Parents don't generally give their children gifts in the order of 200 K though. It's a grey area as you are considering building this very large extension now in anticipation of your mother's future needs which may never come to pass. You can't guarantee that your mother would ever be in a position to use these facilities - not to be morbid, but she might become very ill next year and die before her mobility is ever sufficiently reduced to require the downstairs bedroom etc. how do you think your sister will feel then if she views you as having significantly better your circumstances from your mothers estate? On the other hand, as other people have pointed out, your mother might require 24-hour care beyond what you can provide in your home, and again you will be enjoying the benefit of this very large extension while all the remainder of your mothers estate is spent on care home fees. Again your sister loses out.

Could your mum became joint owner of your house and then leave her 200K share to you in her will? She could leave another 200K in cash to your sister and still have 150K to pay for carers is she needs them later on.

Oh and it’s only spouses who are living in a shared home who aren’t made to sell up if one needs to go into a care home.

Solicitors warned me off doing what you want to do as I could have been made to sell up so that what my dad put in could be freed up for care fees. As it was the lions share, my family would have been homeless.

So glad I don’t go though with it given his rapid and unexpected deterioration.

You have so many questions, I think you need legal advice

yes, parents gift money but IHT might be payable if they die within seven years.

also, it might be better to list your mum as an owner of the house?

Also, trying to do stuff on the basis of mum's needs is dicey

mum can't use the stairs anymore...so she has a stairlift, we didn't convert or extend downstairs!

Sorry OP but you first post rang alarm bells:

"I am going to spend some of the money on my house- get a downstairs loo put in, refit the bathroom etc"

It's not your money to spend.

If I was your sister I would be challenging every move you make in regards to your mum and your house.