Ioan Gruffudd/Alice Evans

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Don’t know if anyone has followed this, but she had an arrest warrant issued today for failing to appear in court for breaching a restraining order he has for domestic abuse. Their poor children seem like an afterthought.

There is such a thing as unconditional love those girls need to feel secure. He's a victim of domestic abuse so are his children , the eldest got called a bitch by her mother. The difference is the children can't run away from it . Ioan got to leave they didn't. Alice is never going to change she's unstable and a nasty person. Ioan is supposedly level headed so it's up to him to ensure his girls are safe and happy. His priorities haven't been his children it's his girlfriend and for that I will judge him as a bad parent.

I'm not familiar with the French tax system but would have thought that IG must have been paid at least €200,000 (very likely more) for The Reunion to have incurred a €70,000 tax bill in France? In other words, he probably made €130,000+ with just one gig, which is significantly more than he'd earn in a whole year working in retail or hospitality, so getting a 'regular job' (bearing in mind he has no qualifications or work experience in any other field) instead of auditioning doesn't sound like a smart move right now. If he can't get any more acting work in the next one or two years, he'll probably need to do something else, but I can totally see why he wouldn't quit acting just yet.

Is your argument therefore that Ioan should have stayed with an abuser?

Or is your argument that he should have left and taken the girls with him? What do you think the outcome of that would have been?

some kind of perfect, cure all unconditional love - its not real!

Sorry, but if Ioan can’t love his two young traumatised children unconditionally, then what exactly is the point?

Children need to be loved unconditionally. He would be best just leaving them with Alice.

He should have tried to maintain contact , not moved in straightaway with his girlfriend and not gone on multiple holidays some of them were not work related missing contact with his traumatised daughters.

Unconditional love can be healthy or unhealthy

it can be enmeshed and toxic
it can also be painful
it Can be misused

it can also be an unattainable ideal we are always trying to reach and failing. As parents we set ourselves this goal of wearing your unconditional love as a badge of honour ‘here! Here is my love! No matter what I will always love you’ and you can overlook what has become unhealthy. Your job as a parent is not to love bomb your children into the person you want them to be it’s to teach them and some of life is hard lessons. The flack you take has a limit, everyone has a limit. I will wash a thousand dirty pants till they are 30 out of love but I won’t have my child stealing from me and say nothing about it

healthy unconditional love is about respect and boundaries for yourself and the people you love. it takes hard work. People cut off their parents and children when they can’t take it anymore and are told it’s brave and to look out for their own health.

Exactly this. He has responsibility for this mess but not equal nor comparable responsibility because he is the victim and Alice is the abuser.

Out of interest, what would you say Ioan has done that has contributed to this mess? What do you think he has responsibility for?

Because no one seems to be able to hold him responsible for anything without the conversation being derailed by a chorus of “but, but, but, Alice, Alice, Alice”.

You say “he has responsibility for this mess” - what does that look like to you?

What the hell are you on about ? You absolutely don't cut contact off with a 12/ 13 year old child she's not an adult she hasn't committed a murder she spent 400 dollars on her dad's account , and was rude . I was a little shit my parents and did some questionable things my parents never cut me off. That's batshit , living your best life comes over protecting and showing your dependent traumatised child love?

You are generalising what unconditional love means to you, and what it means to other people. It doesn’t mean to me what it seems to mean to you. I also love and value myself, and I won’t allow myself to be treated badly. I model that to my DC. I value my DC and would do anything I needed to but I do have limits, lines, a boundary and to not have any is very unhealthy and damaging and it doesn’t prove you are a better parent just by having none. In reality you do, but on this thread you won’t back down and admit you also have boundaries you put in with your DC and that perhaps sometimes it’s required. I still love my DC even if I am angry with them but I am not going to pretend I am not angry to try to protect them if they have done something wrong, what would that achieve?

I recently wanted to go out with friends this weekend. My DD has been sad recently school issues and wants me there all the time. I decided this weekend I wont see friends and I will give her support. I can live my best life in the next few weeks when she feels better as being a parent is about sacrifice. Am I sad I didn't get to go the pub , a bit but DDs happiness comes over mine and I'm pleased to report she's feeling a lot better.

Love bombing is not unconditional love. Love bombing is conditional by nature.

Unconditional love is acceptance of the person as they are. All children need unconditional love. We can teach our children life’s hard lessons, we can show our children boundaries, whilst loving them unconditionally.

As parents we all have limits, but that doesn’t mean we don’t continue to love our children unconditionally. We don’t switch our love on or off depending on their behaviour.

but I won’t have my child stealing from me and say nothing about it

At some point you are going to have to accept that not all situations are the same, not all situations can be dealt with in the same way and that what you would do in a situation as a day to day parent is not what someone else should do in a situation where they have limited contact and an unstable relationship with their child.

Unconditional love has nothing to do with boundaries.

I didn’t realise the concept of unconditional love was subjective.

A quick Google search brings up:

When parents accept, love, and show affection to their children, even when they make mistakes or fall short of expectations, this is love unconditional. In other words, it is a form of love with no strings attached. Therefore, parents love their children for who they are, no matter what.

Living your best life means , putting conditions of contact on a 12 year old child. That's horrendous and there's no defending it.

Yes and this is a good example of a low level easy win. What we are talking about is a high conflict, difficult situation.

As I have pointed out so many times he turned down going to universal studios, with an explanation as to why, and asked her what else she would like to do that was outside. His boundary was that he was caring for someone who was very sick and possibly needed to drive to appointments or even look after as she is disabled, hence not getting a hotel by himself and all manner of other suggestions. This is inconvenient to coincide with an out of the blue suggested trip to universal studios and children cannot always have exactly what they would like/when they want it but he was still offering his time with her, just in a different setting to the one she proposed. This is disappointing, as is life sometimes. Her reaction was to tell him to forget it, which is just a child reaction to disappointment then you have no idea what happened after as it cut off. If Ioan had booked tickets then cancelled on her I would agree that it was a shitty thing to do, but that isn’t what it looked like.

In reality you do, but on this thread you won’t back down and admit you also have boundaries you put in with your DC and that perhaps sometimes it’s required. I still love my DC even if I am angry with

Of course I have boundaries with my children, as I'm sure most of the other parents on this thread do. What I wouldn't do though, is tell my traumatised child that we can't move forward or see each other until they have therapy for a situation I put them in the first place.

I wonder if his own therapist told him that E is a child, acting out, trying to get attention from her narc parents, it's a cry for help and he needs to step up or whether they told him it was all his wife's fault and his conscience is clear like numerous posters on this thread are doing. If it's the latter, he needs a new therapist.

He didn’t say he wouldn’t see her again till she had therapy. He said he wasn’t going to take her to a concert after what had happened. Those are not the same thing.

His boundary was that he was caring for someone who was very sick and possibly needed to drive to appointments or even look after as she is disabled, hence not getting a hotel by himself and all manner of other suggestions

That is a situation all of his own making and he shouldn't be putting that burden on his children. Bianca should never have even been mentioned, let alone used as an excuse. He's putting a new relationship before the needs of his children. This is not the action of a good man or father.

He didn’t say he wouldn’t see her again till she had therapy. He said he wasn’t going to take her to a concert after what had happened. Those are not the same thing.

He told her they can't move forward until she has therapy. What does that mean to you?

It wasn't , the friend I was meeting gave birth 8 weeks ago and has PND. I desperately wanted to see her over the weekend but had to put the needs of my own dependent struggling child ahead of a grown adult. As is what parenting is about.

🙄

Like I said in multiple posts, she's beyond crazy and she should get a job to sort out the their financial affairs.
But that doesn't mean that he gets to behave financially irresponsibly as well. If he can't get work doing acting, which hecapparently can't, he needs to get work doing something else.
I'd be saying the same to a woman in his situation. Domestic abuse is horrible to go through but it doesnt absolve you of responsibilities to your children. If your ex spouse is behaving financially irresponsibly, as Evans clearly is, that doesn't mean you get a pass to do the same.

He said ‘we cannot move forward like nothing has happened as your actions were far too serious’

perhaps this reads: when you have apologised and accept that this was wrong, we can discuss enjoying all these expensive outings you keep contacting me about.

Alice has set this child up to fail, she encourages her to try to extract money and expensive outings from him, also knowing the times when it’s inconvenient and not practical because she is spiteful. She spent 6 months inventing illnesses to get him to go round. Alice thought this episode was so funny! It got into the daily Mail. You can’t see the messages that led to this statement.

Imagine your child doing something really horrible and humiliating then hitting you up for concert tickets? It’s emotional blackmail. ‘If you really loved me you would take me’

Ella hacked Ioan's instagram account and posted disparaging things about Bianca/Ioan IIRC. That's not on.

I wonder why she did that?

He should never have had kids with her in the first place for one.

And for another he should have left her long ago and taken the girls with him, but she'd have made his life hell if he'd done that and he wouldn't have got full custody either.

He probably shouldn't have moved in so quickly with the girlfriend but I can understand why, when you've been beaten down by a narcissist for over a decade, your boundaries around new relationships would be a little warped. That's common. I see that every day.

With a narc like that there's literally bugger all you can do really, they will find a way to fuck up your life and your children's lives somehow.

Because her mother is an abusive narcissist who told her a pile of crap, that's why. Read the court documents - it's all in there. This is a woman who told her children their father didn't love them any more and who insinuated she was worried Bianca would kill them.

So, essentially he is not responsible for anything regarding his current relationship with his children then?