Ioan Gruffudd/Alice Evans

[Notatallanamechange]

Don’t know if anyone has followed this, but she had an arrest warrant issued today for failing to appear in court for breaching a restraining order he has for domestic abuse. Their poor children seem like an afterthought.

Hiring Brad Pitt's A list lawyer when he has no money 🤣.

I read this morning (googling to catch up on some of this thread) that they have agreed to sell the ‘$2 million house’. I was surprised at the valuation (thought it would be more - just goes to show you really do need to be a megastar to be a rich actor).

When there is weaponising and emotional manipulation of the children to harm the other parent, the most rational decision is to lessen the harm to the kid by trying to remove some of the triggers and drama. Ioan is the trigger, he has backed off to lessen the impact whist going through the court process.

He backed off just as he started dating his new girlfriend.

I don’t think the text messages he sent were really dialling back the drama.

Same.

Given the circumstances, of course his daughter is going to be angry. There is nothing abnormal in a 12 year old child acting out. To have her father suggest she needs to see a therapist before he will see her is just…crazy. It’s as if he isn’t interested in a relationship with her whilst she is angry at him.

But, she has every right to be angry at him. He, as her father, should be holding that anger for her, allowing her to express how she feels, validating it and loving her, regardless. Not telling her she needs to go to therapy before he will see her. She’s 12 for fucks sake, and the situation she is in is not her fault. She has no control over any of it.

Agree vivi0. He shouldn’t be putting conditions on her or expecting her to accommodate his new girlfriend.

Their daughters are likely to take after Alice in several ways not because she is coaching them but because she is their mother and they cannot help have some traits in common. Especially if that includes conditions with a hereditary pattern.

Personalities aren't fixed at the age of 12, people writing off a 12 year old are nasty.

They have every right to be angry, and as parents we can never say we did or said everything perfectly. My view is he is in a no win situation. When he did see the kids, it had to be entirely on Alice’s terms and she would punish the kids for enjoying any time with them to the point where they would sob and cry (her words) at the thought of seeing him and leaving her.

When he chose to stop bending over backwards to please her and putting the kids through their punishments from Alice, the sacrifice was his relationship with them. He did have to make a choice, and chose to try another way through reunification pathway (therapy) and trying to use the legal system to stop Alice from interfering.

he had to make a choice. Forced I may add, by Alice. Alice is responsible for forcing her own children to make a choice between their parents and destroying their relationship with their father.

with the option removed from him of amicable divorce and shared care of his kids, his options seemed to be:

-Stay with Alice, be abused by her, be unhappy.
-Leave and try to take the kids - legally impossible at that stage, risky and extremely traumatic for the kids and makes them forced to choose between mum and dad
-Leave and get distance and try to rebuild his relationship and trust with them slowly (with the risk that it never works out and is very hard work)
-walk away and give up. Easy option

it’s admirable that all the parents imagine they would do the second one, but that from the POV of a primary care giver. He was not a primary care giver. Because his wife did not work and he had to work to earn money. Not being a primary care giver doesn’t make you a bad, uncaring parent but it puts you on the back foot in any divorce

This ^

11 to 14 is meant to be the worst age for children with divorcing parents. Add acrimony and new partners. Having to move from family home and change schools. Probably normal to be angry. Avoiding that is not help and will create more distance.

I don't get why IG couldn't show he was prioritising his kids. He didn't have to mention her so soon. So many men (and some women) try to insert their new partners immediately into their kids lives. It's just a girlfriend and he could be spending quality time with his kids 1 to 1.

'He didn't have to mention her so soon.'

He mentioned her because his wife had found out and was starting to weaponise his relationship, so he went public in a (obviously futile) bid to try and stop her doing this.

Alice Evans is so full of hate and spite she'd rather ruin her own children's lives in an attempt to bring down her ex husband. Some of the videos she posted last year should have had her arrested.

He mentioned her because his wife had found out and was starting to weaponise his relationship, so he went public in a (obviously futile) bid to try and stop her doing this.

He wouldn't have had to mention her at all if he's said 'no sorry, Bianca, I can't get into a relationship at the moment, I've decided to concentrate on my kids and put them first. They're living with their mother at the moment, who I think is deranged, so it's best if I don't have a girlfriend. I need to sort my head out, unpack what's gone on and it will only complicate matters further. Maybe if you're still interested when all this is over, 3 or 4 years down the line, we can work something out'.

But he didn't. Who cares what it looks like to his traumatised kids and how they're feeling and their wants and needs? Because mental health, he deserves to be happy, it's all Alice's fault, he's tried his best, life is for living, blah, blah, blah.

Absolutely agree @Habber

So much of this thread is 'he's wrong because he didn't do things the way I think I would have', so judgemental and unhelpful.

Alice Evans is so full of hate and spite she'd rather ruin her own children's lives in an attempt to bring down her ex husband. Some of the videos she posted last year should have had her arrested.

she will be, soon enough. She can't control herself.

To be honest people should be judging the texts he sent.

Agree. The one where he pompously tells his daughter she needs to go to therapy before they can move forward after she asked him to take her to a concert is just awful. I can't imagine speaking to my children like that, whatever they'd done. Those poor kids. Acting out in the way they are, possibly being spurred on by their mother, is a cry for help and attention, which they're obviously not getting from him.

Yes he does sound kind of cold/business like towards his own children - like he sees them as relatives but not his full responsibility.

You speak as though Ioan is but a mere bystander in his life. Forced to make the choices he has. But he could have made different choices.

He could have chosen not to move Bianca into his home on his immediate return from his work trip. He had not seen his daughters for months, I can’t imagine this choice was conducive to reestablishing his relationship with them. The children didn’t know Bianca - she was a stranger to them. A stranger who was now living with their father.

He could have chosen to pursue contact legally upon his return from his work trip. He didn’t and it would take him almost a year to do so.

When he eventually did pursue contact and it was of course scheduled to begin immediately, he could have chosen to see his children rather than go to Australia with Bianca and miss his first two contact sessions, in what would have been over one year.

He could have chosen not to be okay with his new partner posting pictures of them on her Instagram whilst responding to comments saying how happy they both were, had never been happier, whilst knowing that his eldest daughter was probably reading these comments and was anything but happy, but was feeling abandoned and replaced.

He could have chosen to understand that his daughter acting out was entirely normal given what was going on in her life, and that she had every reason to be angry with him, rather than inferring that her feelings were not valid and that she needed therapy before he could see her.

He could have chosen to seek the US equivalent of an emergency custody hearing, given his claims his children were now in the sole care of an abusive alcoholic who was unfit to care for them. Absolutely NO reason at all why he couldn’t have done this.

So no, I don’t think Ioan was in a “no win” situation at all.

The current state of his relationship with his daughters is largely by his own hand. He did have choices, and he made plenty of them, it just so happens his choices don’t appear to have taken his daughters into consideration much.

He shouldn’t have had to stay in an abusive relationship, he shouldn’t have left his children there either. She deserves to be arrested but I imagine will be back on Twitter soon enough winding things up. Sadly if she got some help I think she could have come out of this stronger and a good mother to her children, who clearly are struggling. But she’s taken the advice of random people on Twitter, who egg her on for their own enjoyment. It’s all very sad.

This feels pretty spot on. Particularly the comments around moving in the new girlfriend, her social media content etc.

I think he said that after she stole £400 In his amazon account and he was concerned about covid and mixing when she said about going to a theme park. If my child stone £400 I doubt I'd want to take her to a theme park either never-ending being concerned about covid! She is clearly having a difficult time and I definitely feel for the children. I can also imagine if the mother is constantly saying awful things about the father the daughter is incredibly conflicted and I'm surprised he mentioned therapy at least he was trying , Alice was stopping it.

I will say again I don't belive for a second if this was a man being abusive and having a restraining order out no one will be talking about how awful the woman would be and how she is basically as bad as the abuser due to how he has dealt with an incredibly difficult situation being made worse by abusive partner . It would be all sympathy.

It's sad how people cannot recognise Alice's behaviour as a sloppily desperate cry for help. She wants to be rescued but it seems that only a court punishment will rescue her from herself at this rate. His daughter who stole the money is also crying out for help. As a parent, he should really be growing a pair and closing down the digs by his new girlfriend. If she never posted on instagram, she'd still be alive. The cost of him standing by that nonsense could be high and he will regret it forever.

You don’t a man to be happy you can be perfectly happy on your own. I hate that people think women can’t be a happy without a man. There’s good men but here’s a lot of shit heads too. I’d only ever entertain a man living apart for a long time getting to know the real person. Not like Bw moving in instantly she’s probably being gaslighted and abused as we speak

Nor surprised he mentioned therapy