Why is there so much anxiety in kids?

[JudesBiggestFan]

Spoke to a family member earlier who is a teaching assistant.
Said the number of kids off with anxiety at her high school is phenomenal. Anecdotally I know of so so many severe issues....panic attacks, school refusal etc. 'Because Covid' seems to be the answer..along with why there is so much bullying/poor behaviour in schools. Is this why or is there more to it?
My own three boys seem fine thus far, but as I'm an emergency services worker, they only missed a really minimal amount of school.
But the poor behaviour of others does impact on the classroom environment/teacher stress so still has an effect on them.
So what is the reason? And what can be done? School days are supposed to be happy and carefree and it just feels like kids are just so sad.

School days are supposed to be happy and carefree

really? I think you’re totally out of touch as I know many, many people who hated school in my generation and the one before. So many people struggle with school and it has always been so.
I know lots of people of all ages with mental health issues, the incidence has increased in all age groups since covid. So why attribute it to something else, it’s pretty obvious that some suffered more than others. Your kids are lucky they didn’t spend 3 months in their rooms alone trying to study with no help whilst you were working…

@BritainsGotTalons I am sorry about your daughter. There have always been children and adults who are over anxious and I am glad your daughter is getting the help she needs. My point was simply that anxiety is seen as always bad now, when in many cases it is a normal reaction to what is happening. I see teenagers on social media saying they have social anxiety because they are anxious about going to a party where they do not know everyone.

For mild to moderate MH issues, an awful lot can be improved with a bit of ‘tough love’ towards yourself. When I have a bad day I have a strong urge to lie in bed with the curtains closed, sleeping and scrolling on my phone. But that’s the last thing I should be doing. When I force myself to get up, shower and go out for some fresh air I feel so much better and my problems shrink outside the house.

But now with our ‘okay not to be okay’ message we encourage people to lie in a dark room and cry and obsess over their feelings because you should ‘be kind to yourself’ by not making yourself do anything that involved discomfort even if it will make you feel better.

@Cuppasoupmonster I totally agree. Even people with severe depression are helped by getting up, showering and being in green space. I have seen staff work with a relative who was not getting out of bed usually and their first action on top of medication was to visit his house every day and make sure he got up, showered and dressed. I am not saying it is a cure, it is not. But it was part of his recovery plan.

I greatly advocate for mental health awareness due to my own mental health issues. But even I think we have entered a territory where normal human problems and emotions are becoming over-medicalised and treated as an illness or disorder.

No need to be sorry, she’s amazing. She intelligent, funny, kind and the most loyal friend anyone could wish for. If secondary schools were full of children like my daughter, they would be lovely places. Not a bitchy bone in her body, not obsessed with social media, she’s respectful of teachers, follows the rules, does her homework, cares for people and animals. She feels extreme anxiety in certain situations and the fact some people take issue with adjustments being made for that, they’re idiots, and my daughters empathy and maturity at her young age puts them to shame.

I think it's three main things

1. There was always a lot of anxiety but it was hidden. I can think of lots of people I knew at school who had eating disorders, mental breakdowns and self harmed, but it wasn't talked about.

1. Lack of real-life socialising and lack of time spent outside makes kids less able to cope with emotions. Spending time face to face with friends is calming and also helps you get things in perspective, but many kids can't do it now because they are in childcare/at home/behind a screen, they can't easily see friends outside school.

1. Increase in autism, anxiety is a big part of autism. Noone knows why this is happening.

Anxious parents

I've had quite bad mental health all my life - anxiety and low level depression from childhood. At the time I didn't know what I was feeling - I just knew it felt horrible - but looking back now I can put a label on it.

I couldn't tell anyone how I felt because I didn't know how to explain, but I used to get out of things by saying I felt unwell or if feeling low I would just cry and cry. The only "evidence" of any of this was that I had a lot of time off school, but back then schools didn't really care.
No-one would have known that I was struggling, parents just thought I was "highly strung" and too sensitive.

It would have really helped the trajectory of my life if my feelings had been taken seriously and if I'd had some help.

This was in the 80s/90s and several people of a similar age to me have expressed that they felt similar.

This is not a new thing - it's just talked about a LOT more.

100% agree and can relate to this.

Social media, kids now know that there is no safe place left to escape the bully's who are looking for their next target, they just need to open their apps to see 50 notifications about themselves this time and dread it.

"Increase in autism, anxiety is a big part of autism. Noone knows why this is happening."

Increase in average maternal and paternal age?

The lockdowns and crazed fearmongering in the UK media (much of it coming from the government) wrecked some young people’s lives.
I saw it with the teenage son of friends. The isolation of the lockdowns when his school was closed changed him from a happy go lucky lad into a neurotic and self destructive person with a weed and booze habit. He still hasn’t recovered his equilibrium.
We live next to a park and during the lockdowns crowds of young kids would gather there and just smoke weed and drink alcohol. I have no clue where their parents thought they were.
As for the university students, DH teaches them and reported heartbreaking stories. Young folks, many newly from abroad who had no chance to make friends before being told they could not leave their rooms in their hall of residence or socialise with other students. They had weeks of isolation without any in person teaching or being able to talk to their peers. And they were being charged huge sums of money for the ‘privilege’ of this prison experience.
I am not sure that those who instituted the lockdowns and accompanying terror campaigns can or should be forgiven by this generation of young people.

Growing up I used to get anxious about what people thought or if I'd have said the wrong thing. If social media was around then I think it would've heightened that anxiety. Imagining knowing that if you say or do something stupid or wrong (as many teens do) that it could end up following you around forever - that's pretty stressful.

Covid was extremely difficult for a lot of people. I run my own business and it impacted it hugely with clients cancelling over night (they were in travel sector). My son was just one so he never picked up on it but may have if he'd have been older.

Plus the lack of socialisation and fear around Covid. I remember one woman in a panic mid Covid because my son picked up a ball her son has thrown on one of those walks you were allowed to do once a day. That's not normal and make anyone on edge!

Finally poverty, cost of living, global warming etc. Obviously people are impacted by these things in different ways.

There's also lots of research into how more time in nature reduces anxiety and depression. So, can some of it be down to our lack of time in nature?
Not saying it's a cure but would being out in nature help people manage anxiety better? I do notice that all the outdoorsy people I know do seem to be happier.

The PP who said normalising trauma is spot on. Lockdown was hell for alot of people. Germ phobia heightened, domestic abuse heightened. We will feel the effects of the lockdown for decades. People are not weak

I agree with the anxious parents comments - having overly rushed parents means they are less likely to acknowledge the lives of their children, not talking about things for example can equate to more anxiety as the children will just shut off their feelings. Most parents are struggling, juggling so much that sometimes we miss out on the little things and do more harm than good.
Teachers too are probably more rushed and stressed and have huge class numbers so they can’t focus on struggling children. A class of 20 vs a class of over 30 makes a big difference.
I also think it is technology plays a big part with older children/teens. Waking up having a phone to look at, emails, lists of things to do, social media, the competition especially. Side note, I feel like everything was less stressful on paper there is so much more faffing with technology. I’m not even that old. My mum didn’t have a whatsapp group bombarding her every day when I was at school. I can’t stand it and just ignore it now. We have made life unnecessarily stressful.

My 10yo has been diagnosed with OCD and is on a very long waiting list for CBT. It doesn't only affect him, but every person in our house. His OCD was most definitely caused by the pandemic. Not all children are resilient. It really is the most debilitating and restrictive condition. My son's day to day life has slowly, slowly shrunk to one safe spot where he is prepared to sit whilst not at school. Therapy can't come quickly enough. We have started working through a child friendly book on OCD while we wait. Honestly, people who casually fling around expressions such as 'that triggers my OCD' really piss me off.

Some of us don’t have gardens/tiny yards, some of us had to work full time from home whilst the kids were also home, it’s not all about “unhappy environments”, thank you very fucking much, the vast majority did not spend lockdown on some sort of extended holiday.

My DC is naturally anxious - when she was very young she was a selective mute. It's partly genetic as I was an anxious child and so was my Mum. She overcame many of her anxieties at primary school and enjoyed her time there. Now at secondary darh school she has become very anxious again. The main factor is she is scared at school because they have a very strict behaviour policy. I think a lot of schools are ridiculously strict these days, much stricter than when I was at school.

Well my dd15 and dd3 have anxiety and one has school refusal.

I’ll tell you why

my dc had to watch thier beloved stepfather died quickly and painfully from a sudden cancer diagnosis 8 days after our wedding that they could not attend due to the pandemic. They had to self isolate with family friends and my mum separately and could not see him or me in the hospice for 7 days until 2 hours before he died.

i have a heart condition which could have devastating consequences for me.

5 months my dd3 witnessed a violent fight between her crappy bio dad and his gf (whole other story) in the middle of the night, I had to get her, hysterical and clinging to me.

my mum and my aunt have cancer.

my 15 year old has low blood pressure and tends to faint when she gets hot, thus has happened at school and that coupled with everything else means that she’s had panic attacks at school and refuses to go half the time

dd3 developed ptsd and extreme anxiety to the point she’s panic every time I went to work, went out the door, convinced I am going to die too. She’s been seen by camhs too.

so yeah people can judge and blame my parenting, nanny pamby attitudes but my kids and I have been so much shit it’s unreal. Covid has not helped at all

Sorry for spelling and grammatical mistakes. I’m tired and my meds are
kicking in

Or maybe not an increase in the numbers with the condition at all, but an increase in those diagnosed. People who were struggling a bit/a lot were just left to get in with it largely. Unless it was very obvious nobody got diagnosed in the past. Now the more subtle signs are noticed and acted upon by getting them referred for screening because people care about a child's MH.

Also because the high pressure environment of school, and to an extent home life, these days makes it more likely for the cracks to show before a person reaches adulthood. Primary school kids didn't have homework, at all, ever. Exams were non existent in primary school except the 11-plus just before you left and the results didn't matter much, you still went in to another school regardless.

Exams annually at end of year in secondary school and didn't mean anything either, until you got to GCSEs. Children don't leave school at 16 and get a job now. They're in education longer so more chance for things to be noticed. Parents didn't care as much, if you had a DC who didn't go to school you didn't get fined. Bunking off wasn't the end of the world. Neither was leaving with no exams. You'd still get a job. Not now.

And getting a job used to involve sending a CV to an advertisement in the paper or handing the CV into a shop or whatever. Not long complicated application forms. An interview was a brief chat to check you weren't a dickhead or if the job required some intelligence to check you weren't totally thick. Less hoops to jump through, less bullshit. Nobody asked daft questions like "why do you want to work for us" because employers knew and accepted it was because you wanted to earn a living.

You didn't have to justify your existence every year at the staff appraisal because they didn't exist. You weren't expected to constantly improve, study or move up the levels unless you wanted to. You were expected to turn up on time, do your job and collect your wages. That was it. Unless you were management, you never went to a "meeting".

If you weren't quite ok or didn't really fit in you could mostly still manage in something low-key. Not now. People cracking up left, right and centre, getting diagnosed as a result. Same for kids with school.

I agree with you, I don’t think teachers are given the tools, the training or the confidence to be able to tackle behaviour, so I’m not saying it’s not very difficult for teachers. The whole education. school system does not seem on top of this. I’ve a friend who is a teacher who has a bully in her class, but no one supports her, she feels that she alone has to deal with it, she hasn’t got the tools or the authority.

I agree with this 100%