Why is there so much anxiety in kids?

[JudesBiggestFan]

Spoke to a family member earlier who is a teaching assistant.
Said the number of kids off with anxiety at her high school is phenomenal. Anecdotally I know of so so many severe issues....panic attacks, school refusal etc. 'Because Covid' seems to be the answer..along with why there is so much bullying/poor behaviour in schools. Is this why or is there more to it?
My own three boys seem fine thus far, but as I'm an emergency services worker, they only missed a really minimal amount of school.
But the poor behaviour of others does impact on the classroom environment/teacher stress so still has an effect on them.
So what is the reason? And what can be done? School days are supposed to be happy and carefree and it just feels like kids are just so sad.

Because society is stressful for a lot of people.

I like what Matt Haig says about it:

THE WORLD IS increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturiser? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel like they are being left behind.To be calm becomes a kind of revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our messy, human selves, would not be good for business.

If this is true for adults, no wonder children feel it.

Feeling anxious - normal human response
Anxiety (MH disorder) - a genuine issue.

I think a lot of the problem stems from people not distinguishing between the two and labelling every anxious secnario as a severe MH problem.

I think it's a mix and match according to other variables, wealth, age, and social background. One person with anxiety over one thing may be coping perfectly well with something that another finds completely acceptable. Previous generations will have had their own problems both individually and societal.
My twopennarth is..

Covid impact
Trauma
Modern dependency on tech/ screens
Financial pressure/ worries /housing
Social Media - as previously stated, bullying, 'influencers', constantly comparing, social contagion, adults comparing their lives with others , dissatisfaction
Schooling - too young - my contemporaries didn't start until the term we turned 5, 3 intakes.

• too regimented
• exam driven

Lack of exercise, poor health, obesity Lack of development from lack of free range, unsupervised outdoor play. Unrealistic expectations of life, children told they can 'do anything when you grow up' , 'what career do you want?' - reality most will have a job, most will be restricted in life choices so not able to do anything they want. Modern pace of life. Children are not getting enough parental attention. Split families, blended families, absent parents Children in childcare from a young age. Yes, I know it's unavoidable, and yes, some children thrive, but not all. Parents feel guilty, unable to juggle all needed to keep a family happy and healthy, adding to feelings of anxiousness.

For a lot of children and adults, life just is more of a struggle

Agree with @slowquickstep children ( most people in fact) don't have time or opportunity to sit, possibly get bored, heaven forbid, and wonder. Our minds are being destroyed by crap on smart phones and endless scrolling.
The lack of original thought, pondering and imagination is very sad.

I have a teen who self-harms, has panic attacks, suffers from anxiety and is in privately paid therapy with the plan to be assessed for ASD and ADHD, something which was disregarded when she was 7. She is not bad enough for CAHMS despite self harm and detailed suicide thoughts.

Lockdown brought out a lot, too much pressure to achieve the same work as in school but without teacher (she was in Y8 in March 2020). To be independent and grown up, to deal with something they couldn't control and constantly being told to be brave, understanding and working hard not to fall behind.

As soon as they were back in school it was all about GCSE, the school hardly does an assembly or tutor time without talking about it, constant tests, constant mocks, constant talk about grades. After last year Easter we didn't go through a whole school week without at least once collecting her because she couldn't cope anymore.

Any adult would break down under what my daughter is going through.

The carefree, happy pre-teen I had when lockdown started vanished, never to be seen again. She hates going anywhere she doesn't know unless it's properly planned. She hates crowds, she can't deal with noises or lights. A leisure day, going with the flow, shopping, lunch = stress pure and at least one panic attack.

This morning, a small change in her routine before school (asking her to write an email) caused a panic attack which meant DH had to bring her to school. On Friday she was 2 hours in student support because she didn't know exactly what the afternoon revision club meant for her and why a KS5 teacher she never met before said she couldnt' apply to 6th form with her last mocks (rubbish as we found out but damage was done).
She hardly sleeps more than 4-5 hours a night regardless what we try to do.

One of her friends was hospitalised with anorexia a year ago, she was just 14. She is on antianxiety medication, has talking therapy and is just coming towards a healthy weight and no more danger of long-term physical health problems.

We are no helicopter parents, DD is encouraged to do things herself for years. We are a household who talks about feelings, she has a mother who had severe PND and often has dark days. She has responsibilities and freedom, she knows she is loved and supported. Schoolwork is praised for effort and achievment according to what she is able to, not what the school says she should achive.

Rant over, sorry it was so long. But anyone who thinks the current rise in issues with teen mental health is to be brushed aside, a myth, imagination or just plain silly can happily stay with us for a month and see what it means having a child who is mentally ill.

As someone with young DC in London I’ve found the exact opposite. There’s a real sense of community in my area (zone 2/3), with lots of other families with small kids living very close by. It’s a great place to raise a family IME and very friendly.

Absolutely this. The overuse of the word anxiety is incredible. When people say”I have anxiety” it’s exactly the same as saying “ I have sadness” as both are a perfectly normal emotion. It becomes a problem when the perception of coping tips off balance significantly. People have become so used to it in every day life it trips of so many people tongue. I always advise people to go look at DSM and read the diagnostic criteria, it’s not so easy to gain a diagnosis.

I was just talking to DS17 (who is the only one of his peer group with neither depression nor anxiety) about this. Our theory is children are raised to believe they can be/ do anything so have constant fear they are failing/ aren’t good enough when they aren’t getting top grades/ aren’t the most popular/ sporty/ aren’t in a relationship/ whatever, and that they ruminate/ worry constantly they aren’t good enough/ as good as they should/ could be. Those thoughts are hard to switch off and it can be hard to remember to notice the little things that make you happy.

People have become so used to it in every day life it trips of so many people tongue.

I totally agree with this. Where I work, some of the youngsters have been pulled up on their performance (sick days, lateness and not doing enough work) and they get upset and say they have anxiety. Another did something very serious, think sackable, and is untouchable as they told the management they have depression. Meanwhile, the rest of us have to work twice as hard.

I know someone with a very serious mental illness, and they just get put in the same bag.

@reluctantbrit

hear hear.

People should realise 'there but for the grace of God..'

As a retired Early Years teacher I agree. Latterly I was expected to set targets for 4 year olds and they were supposed to be aware of their targets and how they could 'get better' in order to achieve them. Totally evil and against everything I was trained to do when I started.

@reluctantbrit your daughter clearly has real problems and you have my sympathy. My point is that the pathologising of normal emotions like sadness, disappointment or anger take resources away from people like her.

I totally agree

I also agree with @Sep200024

the state of mental health support on the nhs is a huge factor as well. DD was having issues and we are incredibly fortunate we could afford private therapy - 5 sessions in and she is a different child. It has given her the tools to move forward and the knowledge that if she needed it it’s there again. Otherwise she would have kept going down a dark path. Wait time for in school hours help was 2 weeks. Great for us not for those who simply cannot afford it

but that isn’t how it should be resources should be there early prevention is key at the moment it is a race to the bottom to get NHS help and it is a lot more complicated.

It seems like some people don't realise that they won't be able to tell from the outside how real, serious or severe someone else's problems are. They seem to be assuming that just from their relatively fleeting interactions with a student or a colleague or whatever, they can determine a lot and judge legitimacy.

Also, I can't get on board with the idea that people with overpathologised low level anxiety are taking away services from those who need them. Thresholds for accessing MH services are extremely, ridiculously high - much more so than in the past.

Completely agree with this.

The idea that you can decide that a young person hasn’t really got problems just from the snapshot of their life that you get to see 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anybody who works in the field will tell you, it’s the ones who look okay that you really need to worry about.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

I agree with this. Children don't get much time to just chill and figure things out.

Yes 100% agree.

I am absolutely sick of people TELLING me that my child just needs to toughen up/be resilient/join a team sport/just get on with it/stop ruminating.

No. You know nothing about our life. I used to literally shove him in the door at school and run off, I've been strict, I've forced him to carry on despite extreme emotional pain. I've forced him into situations where he's been crying, screaming, clinging onto railings and doorframes. I don't do any of this anymore because it doesn't work and just makes him more anxious.

But other times when things are peaceful, he will appear ok, chatty, maybe a little quiet. This is when people love to judge and belittle.

No-one knows what goes on behind closed doors.

The system is absolutely clogged up with referrals for people experiencing unpleasant but understandable emotional reactions to life stressors and events who feel they have a "condition". Initiatives such as IAPT were invented by the government/mental health services to manipulate waiting lists and treatment times as essentially a bit of pr for both.

Serious mental illness/those who are high risk have been left behind and people are languishing and suffering as a result. Those with bi-polar, severe OCD (not just liking keeping your house tidy), significant eating disorders, severe endogenous psychotic depression, psychosis/schizophrenia are being denied the service they need both in child and adult mental health.

Social media has undoubtedly had a negative impact with all these influencers and people talking endlessly about their "trauma" all over the place. Overuse of the word narcissist and trauma amongst others.
Parents aren't able to reinforce boundaries with their children, they simultaneously micro manage every aspect of their day whilst struggling to apply age appropriate expectations. E.g yes I'll give you a lift everywhere even though you're perfectly capable of getting public transport.

I was all for opening up conversations around mental health initially but now it's gone to far and the endless discussion around it is actually reinforcing the issue. As a society we need to move away from this they need counselling mantra to they need exercise, boundaries, fresh air, a decent level of activity and relational security.

I'm sure some people use anxiety as a "get out of jail free" card but it's not up to the general public to decide who is genuinely suffering and who isn't. It's something you'll never know unless you are their close relative/medical care giver.

The system is absolutely clogged up with referrals for people experiencing unpleasant but understandable emotional reactions to life stressors and events who feel they have a "condition".

Evidence?

Also I'm not totally sure what you are saying to be honest. Are you saying that someone who is "understandably" depressed associated with the impact of extreme poverty or has "understandable" CPTSD due to the domestic abuse they have experienced...shouldn't access help??

Those types of situations do need support and help, as they are not situations that should be happening. The interventions for both of those need a multi-professional approach though, social care, housing, health. A few counselling sessions won't cut it. Poverty and domestic abuse are the reality of life for many but shouldn't be happening. This I'll defined "support" than many people speak off won't help a lot in those circumstances. Mental health difficulties are often inextricably linked to social issues but there's this wide held view that therapy will fix things. And when if it's helpful if the person doesn't engage then it does nothing.

Dd has 2 friends both of whom are seeing private therapists. One has really taken the work on board and now has tools to cope with the anxiety. Another is on her third therapist because she didn't like the first 2 after one appointment and is likely now to dump the third. That's not the fault of the professionals involved. Her parents aren't encouraging her to at least try to get to know them a bit.

@Courgeon Obviously a multidisciplinary input is often needed for complex issues and in that regard the system is frequently woefully inadequate. It should be much better.

But I'm not sure this insistence on separating out issues as being more or less "endogenous" helps. Would we do that for diabetes? I know its an overused example but it's just a familiar condition to many. It can be somewhat environmental and "lifestyle" can be vitally important, but at the point when you have diabetic retinopathy, you have diabetic retinopathy. Making support to manage the condition at an earlier stage inaccessible to one group of affected individuals by doubting their relative legitimacy, would increase the chance of retinopathy, not help people pull themselves up by the bootstraps,surely? (Plus obviously the actual mix of environmental and genetic factors is extremely complex and tough to separate in meaningful ways, as we are discovering more and more, similar to many mental health issues).

Also if you are in therapy it is very important to have a therapist with whom you feel comfortable. That's not unreasonable. It can also be much more difficult for some groups such as people who are neurodiverse or in any other minority group. That's not snowflakery - it's just very hard to translate experiences to someone who doesn't share them. It can do more harm than good, even.