Why is there so much anxiety in kids?

[JudesBiggestFan]

Spoke to a family member earlier who is a teaching assistant.
Said the number of kids off with anxiety at her high school is phenomenal. Anecdotally I know of so so many severe issues....panic attacks, school refusal etc. 'Because Covid' seems to be the answer..along with why there is so much bullying/poor behaviour in schools. Is this why or is there more to it?
My own three boys seem fine thus far, but as I'm an emergency services worker, they only missed a really minimal amount of school.
But the poor behaviour of others does impact on the classroom environment/teacher stress so still has an effect on them.
So what is the reason? And what can be done? School days are supposed to be happy and carefree and it just feels like kids are just so sad.

In my DSD's case, the root of her severe anxiety turned out to be severe domestic abuse at her mother's house. When I say severe, I mean it. The guy was so violent and had so much coercive control over DSD's mum that social services had to place their newborn baby with foster parents.

DSD managed to escape the very worst of that abuse because her mother dropped her off at ours in March 2020 and then barely spoke to DSD for two years.

Domestic abuse is proven to have increased during lockdown. I believe alcoholism and addiction problems may have increased too?

You need to look at how many kids are surviving and trying desperately to normalise trauma.

It's not exam stress.

Yes. Just yes. Succinct but spot on.

Social Media- the internet in general.

That certainly wasn't the case for lots of us, no lovely garden for a start and trying to work from home while home schooling as a single mum had me tearing my hair out.

Lack of resilience

I don’t think it’s a new thing, I think people just talk about feelings with children more now instead of ignoring it.

I have a personal opinion. The lockdown meant that many teenagers stopped their socialisation and didn't develop the necessary skills to manage the hormones that didn't stop. Lots of teens at my DD14 school (an outstanding rated college) spend a lot of time in the Personal Referral Room as they can't cope with overwhelming classroom situations.

I think we over encourage children to think about their feelings all the time. We need to help them live in the moment a bit more and not be in a constant state of reflection.

My 10 year old DS is a worrier, just like I was. The difference is that he has parents, friends and teachers who are open to listening, so the worry is quite visible. Unfortunately it also means that as he grows up, he/society are more likely to pathologise feelings that are normal (albeit possible at the end of the spectrum of normal). When I was small the culture was one of suppressing the worry and getting on with it. Obviously for some people that was damaging but for others it stopped the avoidance that parents now often facilitate and which makes anxiety worse.

100% this.

I agree.

But also this:

*We pathologise normal emotion. Shyness is labelled social anxiety, normal nervousness is labelled anxiety, feeling low is labelled depression.

Everyone being encouraged to bang on about their mental health...

It detracts from genuine suffering*

Secondary teacher here and I see both these scenarios daily. There's a LOT of 'I'm anxious' or 'I've got social anxiety'. It comes from SM/ home/ peer group pushing it. Many situations are uncomfortable, but in life we need to deal with being uncomfortable sometimes to develop and learn and move on.

It must be very difficult to deal with real, debilitating anxiety. It's just the vast majority isn't this.

Social media.

Both children's and their parents exposure to it.

Both parents and children feel they need to fit in with the perfectness that is portrayed on social media.

Very interesting. Respect that you acknowledge this.

Disagree with SM. If you've got good self esteem as your core foundation, you aren't bothered by what people post on SM.
SM doesn't cause me any anxiety. Not my ds's. Nor Dh.

Lucky you

When did your kids go back to school? I’m sure lots of kids enjoyed the first lock down and then got to go back. If you weren’t a key workers child or in certain years you had two years of disrupted education!

Very interesting thread. My children are young and I'm hoping I can spare them from this as they grow up.

@Terencina what do you mean by stopping the avoidance?

Lack of society

This

The only time my DC has ever been 'anxious' is when they spent an hour or so at school asking them to write down their worries. DC didn't have any worries but after being told to do this for a whole lesson with coaxing about the types of things they could be worried about, came home worrying about all these things that had never crossed their mind. Took a few weeks to shake it.

Our children also witnessed ALL of the adults in their lives experiencing a very big and very real fear of dying very recently. There were death counts on the news every night. Even the local playground was off-limits for contagion. We had to queue outside the grocery store to limit the numbers and walk the aisles in a one-way system. The borders were closed. The air we breathed was unsafe. We could kill our grandparents if we hugged them. Our loved ones died and we could only be with them over FaceTime.

Did you all just forget that happened?? Are you all daft enough to think that kind of instability alone wouldn't have an effect on kids?

I think that

• Social media
• Always being able to contact each other by phone/text/email/etc
• Lack of places to see friends in the real world
• Homes being made smaller (so can't easily have friends over)
• Green places forever being built over
• Being tested all the time at school
• Not being able to learn non academic skills (such as woodwork, crafts, cooking) at school/clubs making you feel less able to do practical things in life
• Huge debts from going to university
• Lack of certainly of being able to afford to leave home and rent anywhere
• Long work hours leaving less time to meet new people or be with thier familys
• Costs are rising far more than salaries
• Getting a reasonable paying permanent job is much harder to get hold of
• Basic Healthcare is much harder to get hold of now
• Having a child could easily destroy your career opportunities and get you into huge debts
• More of the world seems out of bound to visit due to more conflicts
• Climate change and the lack of willing for anyone in power to actually do anything about it
• Politicians actively trying to destroy the country and making as much money for themselves as they can
• That there might as well not be a police due to the amount of cases that are closed with no investigation and almost non existent sentences for serious crimes

Are probably not helping people feel carm and relaxed about their life

Good self esteem as a core value is not that common. Which is a Shame.

We were talking about this at work (school) today. We came to these conclusions:
technology: nowhere is safe, away from being contacted, just being off-duty;
image/ photos: people are always looking, watching and recording;
money: children know that lots of families are short of cash;
covid: "you'll kill Grandma", lack of socialising, lack of experiences (they often still feel very young- including 17/18/19 year olds who missed out earlier teen experiences).
usual boundaries at home and school relaxed: sudden change in the routines were confusing for many. In some cases the boundaries are still missing. School absences are still alarmingly high in many places (including my own).

There is often a reluctance to accept the some anxiety is normal, it's a normal hormonal response. Not the long term, crippling type, not depression or mental illness. We need to accept that some days or MH is a bit less good, just as sometimes we feel physically run down- this is normal.

That said, support for MH needs is almost non-existent. Waiting lists are ridiculous. I've referred children for help, in some cases with a history of significant self harm- the wait is 12 months as a starting point. In other parts of the county, it is 2 years. I've lost my shit in the last week- hunting for help for a mentally unwell child- passed from person to person, round in circles while they all say it's not their remit: too severe for one, not in enough danger for another.....

Totally agree with this