Why is there so much anxiety in kids?

[JudesBiggestFan]

Spoke to a family member earlier who is a teaching assistant.
Said the number of kids off with anxiety at her high school is phenomenal. Anecdotally I know of so so many severe issues....panic attacks, school refusal etc. 'Because Covid' seems to be the answer..along with why there is so much bullying/poor behaviour in schools. Is this why or is there more to it?
My own three boys seem fine thus far, but as I'm an emergency services worker, they only missed a really minimal amount of school.
But the poor behaviour of others does impact on the classroom environment/teacher stress so still has an effect on them.
So what is the reason? And what can be done? School days are supposed to be happy and carefree and it just feels like kids are just so sad.

I’d say almost every family I know, mine included, has had issues with anxiety.

I do think that we over diagnose quite normal feelings of stress and worry. I get a bit irritated with DD’s school sometimes, they fall all over themselves to accommodate MH and I think in some cases the kids are attention seeking. DD saw the school counsellor last year and then informed me that the counsellor had recommended she see a psychologist. There’s a real MH crisis post pandemic and not enough psychologists to go around and I feel a bit guilty taking my very middle class, well supported, healthy teenage DD to a professional to talk about how she worries she’s not perfect or maybe she’s gay or bi (everyone at her school is gay or bi or trans it seems). So I am holding off for now.

On the other hand I know teens who are genuinely struggling with severe anxiety, self harming, substance abuse and suicidal ideation. Some of them are kids whose parents did everything ‘right’ - low tech, very outdoorsy upbringing, no pressure, loving parents in a happy relationship. So I definitely don’t think there is one simple reason behind it - rather a multitude of complex ones.

everyone at her school is gay or bi or trans it seems

I think gay/bi/trans is the new goth/emo/skater. I’ve noticed there’s a huge subculture gap in teens these days, and sexual/gender identity seems to have filled this gap.

What is interesting is despite the ‘increase’ in MH issues and diagnoses, suicide rates are largely stable in young people although showing a downward trend since the 80s/90s. So although parents are scared witless with suicide statistics (yes Mermaids I’m looking at you) theres nothing to suggest this is any worse than it always was.

I do remember a conversation I had with my DD when she was at secondary school when she was unhappy with one of her chosen option subjects. She hated it and wanted to drop it and school were making it very difficult to do so. Her then boyfriend advised her to say it was making her anxious and affecting her mental health.😬 It is used by some as a get out of jail free card which sadly detracts from the genuine cases.

Because kids are no longer allowed to be bored.

And it's not just school age.! I have a load of 20 somethings working for me and every single one has a Mh issue. I I think is true but the others using as an excuse for pretty much everything. So tiresome

@JudesBiggestFan - exactly that. It wasn’t an easy time trying to work and homeschool and keep vulnerable relatives well, but for the DC, we remember lots of time in the garden, bike rides, sunny weather, camping out overnight and generally not being bogged down by the timetabled life we led before. There were so many benefits for family life and lots less pressure. I think a lot of this is how you’re brought up and how you frame things. Do you take positives from experiences or negatives? These attitudes tend to be passed on to children.

All the people saying it's normal emotion pathologised, helicopter parenting, kids not allowed to get bored etc

Please remember that there are MANY children/teens who have genuine, serious, long standing mental health conditions.

It really upsets me when people try to offer silly advice to me about my son's issues. He's had anxiety since the age of 4 and has been having various different treatments since then (now a teen). We have literally tried everything.
Not just a kid who feels a bit nervous about an exam or going to a party.

Unmet needs in schools. A very large amount of children are anxious about school but it's always ignored, schools don't want to admit it, it's hidden unless you live it, covid has just highlighted what has been going on for years for many. Those who have pushed through now realise how much less anxious they are not being in school. I blame this on stupid Ofsted standards, focus on all the wrong things in education, lack of funding (less TAs for support where needed, teachers expected to do more and more, schools dodging acknowledging additional needs or children who just require that bit extra because they know it will cost them precious budget to support).

Better ID of MH health issues. We always get the old trope of 'everyone gets diagnosed with adhd, asd, etc etc these days'. We know more, times move on, these people have always been there but now they are actually acknowledged rather than suffering in silence.

Social media - increasing pressure to be perfect/be a certain way, less down time which is important for MH imo.

Families are pressured - gone are the days of a sahp for many. Parents are therefore more busy/stressed/anxious, less family time, less 1-1 time, everyone's tired after work/school/wrap around childcare, but it has to be done for many just to keep a roof over their head and food on the table. Also less involvement/help from other family as people move away, grandparents are still working etc.

Because they’re all told constantly that the world is burning and there’s no future for them. Constant news is bad for everyone, it’s always bad news, because that’s what gets the clicks.

When I was a kid unless I actually made an effort to watch the news at 6 or read a newspaper I didn’t know about murders that had happened, national disasters, etc. Now they have it all shoved in their faces 24/7.

This 👏🏻

For lots of children/teens (including mine), I think this is actually part of the problem. They had this taste of how life could be, without the overbearing pressure of school peers, and now we've just thrown them straight back into the lion's den. Of course, lockdown was financially catastrophic for the country, and I have the deepest sympathy for those who lost loved ones to COVID, but for a few brief weeks for many, it was a break, and now it's all gone back to 'normal,' and that's hard.

I particularly feel bad for this year's Y11 (I have one), being the first year back to no COVID arrangements with exams, like they didn't also experience educational disruption?! Their results will be so much lower than the last 3 years, just because the Tories want to make a political point. It's a real shame.

This

Over-pathologising, my arse.

The reason for all this “over-pathologising” is that human life has become much more difficult since technology ingratiated itself relentlessly into every minute and every action of every day.

The impact is incredible. Have you not seen the research which shows that today’s young people literally breathe differently to previous generations?

In the high school I work at, all the girls (and many boys) walk around with one hand over their face at all times. This is because there is constantly someone taking photos or videos of them, which will then be shared around the school and used as a source of bullying.

The need to keep your face covered has become instinctive. They never forget to do it.

Despite the massive increase in mental health related conditions, we are probably still UNDER pathologising, because the sad fact is our lifestyles are now causing the young human brain to malfunction.

Well that was a fun deletion.

In all seriousness though it gets really tiring having to defend certain conditions as real and not of one's own fault/choosing, and that always seems to be the undercurrent here. It's a frustrating narrative to deal with and I'm extremely fed up with it.

@Sep200024 thats disgraceful what are the school doing about it? Phones should be turned in at the beginning of the school day and not returned until the end. If you’re caught using a phone in school then it should be confiscated for a week and detention.

1 Attention seeking
2 We all had problems as kids we just did not magnify it into something more than it is
3 Parents who mollycoddled kids and give them the idea that the world is soft and fluffy

Interesting on the tech thing. That chimes for me.

I think GCSEs are just so much more of a grind than when I did them. Endless rote learning and "exam technique" which often seem to mean rote learning what to put in each box. PEEL paragraphs, don't put pen to paper unless your paragraph meets the correct format to garner all 4 marks.

I know coursework brought its own pressures but from my tiny amount of experience, GCSEs seem to have got unbelievably duller and way more pressured since I did them at my famously pushy, academic school.

I think kids don't have enough down time. My kids are only in primary (and don't struggle with anxiety...yet...) but I already feel that their school day is too long and on top of that they've got reading to do everywhere and they do a few things recreationally like learning to play instruments that also need practice. I think we will have to cut down on a few things but there is nothing I can do about the long school days.

In school also I don't think they get enough breaks and lunch break is only thirty minutes. Everything is just rushed and hectic all the time.

Well this is awful.
Isn't it time to do something about this then?
Maybe there should be a campaign of mental health warnings linking to constant phone use? And totally ban phones in schools.
Get kids back outside being active and families interacting more instead of all being alone together with everyone on their phones.

Yep, ban phones in school, we need a return to Nokia 3410s (or some kind of similar equivalent) and parents encouraged to buy them for their kids - of course not all will take part but I imagine they more conscientious parents will. Ban on tablets for primary school aged kids, they don’t need to be on them. One lesson a week in school should simply be children selecting a book from the library and reading it in silence - very ‘boring’ to start with but I think it would do them the world of good once it settles into a pattern. Our local boy’s school used to start every day with a half hour run, which did a lot of good for the boys’ behaviour and mood.

We have a new Head who has just started straight after Christmas.

One of the first things he has done is issue a letter about clamping down on phone usage in school.

Early days yet, so we shall see if he is successful.

The problem is that using phones has now become such an integral part of the normal day.

Teachers tell pupils to take a photo of the whiteboard instead of printing out handouts.

Teachers expect to be able to give out last minute info about sports matches etc. because everyone can use their phones to make new arrangements.

The kids rely on their phones for work, and normal communication as much (if not more) than adults, so the impact of taking them away is difficult.

Sadly, the negative impact is so great, we need to take away the positive as well.

I hope the new Head has some success with it, but it won’t be easy.

I was talking about this the other day with my DH. I think anxiety and depression is oversubscribed and used too quickly these days and it is unhelpful.

30 years ago, I was taken to my local GP in a really bad state. I was unable to move my arm. It was dead all the way down the side and into my little finger. I thought I had some kind of neurological issue, and at 30 and newly married this was very alarming to me. The GP instantly said "you are depressed". I was shocked. He gave me 3 months of low level AD's. A week later I walked in after deciding that I was going to sort myself out, and he said I had pulled myself out of it, but I had to take the AD's for 3 months. Since that day, I have had people die on me, issues with pregnancies and births, and marital issues, but have never once fallen into a depression over it. However, to this day I have marked myself as someone who is unable to control my emotions and at any time could fall into a depression as that Doc, a professional, pinned that label on me. He did me a disservice.

The ones I know with anxiety it’s all entirely due to the parents. Would never voice that in real life but it’s true. Neurotic parenting.

Yes, agree re: the health warnings that should be associated with phones.

I firmly believe (and sincerely hope) that when todays children are grown up and are our Prime Ministers; Chiefs of NHS trusts; CEOs of big companies; senior doctors: Heads of OFSTED etc….,, that they will not let their children go through what they went through growing up.

Having lived it themselves, I hope then the legislation will finally come that means allowing unsupervised internet and social media access to under 18’s is as unthinkable as drink driving or not wearing a seatbelt.