Why is there so much anxiety in kids?

[JudesBiggestFan]

Spoke to a family member earlier who is a teaching assistant.
Said the number of kids off with anxiety at her high school is phenomenal. Anecdotally I know of so so many severe issues....panic attacks, school refusal etc. 'Because Covid' seems to be the answer..along with why there is so much bullying/poor behaviour in schools. Is this why or is there more to it?
My own three boys seem fine thus far, but as I'm an emergency services worker, they only missed a really minimal amount of school.
But the poor behaviour of others does impact on the classroom environment/teacher stress so still has an effect on them.
So what is the reason? And what can be done? School days are supposed to be happy and carefree and it just feels like kids are just so sad.

@theremaybetulipsahead many parents inadvertently perpetuate the anxiety by facilitating avoidance in their kids, eg susie is scared of going on a play date, instead of supporting her/encouraging her to have a go, you let her skip it. She never learns that play dates are ok. The old fashioned system of ignoring children’s feelings obviously had massive downsides but it probably didn’t allow as much avoidance as child-centred parenting does.

Exactly this, DD got cross about something the other day and then asked me if she had anger issues, um, no you don't, anger is a normal emotion which is only becomes a problem if it gets out of hand.

I think social media has a lot to answer for and technology as a whole.

Yes, technology has made a lot of people's lives easier, but at what cost?

Before the internet, to a large extent, people were protected from all the bad things happening in the world. You just got on with your life, not worrying or caring about what other people were doing or what they had in comparison to yourself. Now you can't get away with it because everyone seems to live their lives on social media.

Growing up, I was aware that there were evil people in life and bad things sometimes happen, but unlike today and without the internet, it wasn't rammed down your throat 24/7.

I think life was so much simpler when I was growing up. I spent carefree days going out on my bike with friends. I would be out all day, exploring woods and heathlands and getting up to mischief. Not sitting at home playing with ipads or mobile phones (they didn't exist). My parents were OK with this, as long as I told them I was going out and when I was going to be home.

All the fun has just been sucked out of life. It's like one massive race to be the richest, the most successful, and have the most flash car and kids just get drawn into it from such a young age, when they really should just enjoy just being kids.

Because it's very trendy for one and secondly they can demand lots of perks such as taking exams in a private room etc.

We pathologise normal emotion. Shyness is labelled social anxiety, normal nervousness is labelled anxiety, feeling low is labelled depression

Everyone being encouraged to bang on about their mental health...

It detracts from genuine suffering

100%

I read a great article not so long ago but can't find it, of course.
It was along the lines of how we also do not allow children to learn to deal with normal conflict with peers. We label it immediately and take the reigns.

There also seems to be way too many women absolutely focused on labelling themselves, fitting themselves and others into boxes they've googled or 'heard about'. Not a chance that doesn't filter down to their children

Our world is so stressful isn't it? Social media (basically showing off, or lying), alcohol dependency, 'reality' TV, always trying to be thinner, fitter, have beautiful homes, amazing holidays, certain breeds of dog, great relationships, be the best parents, taking endless photos, people constantly on phones wanting distraction from what's actually going on right in front of them, women are actually better than men now, inspirational quotes, wanting new things, it's ok not to be ok, cars, schools facing pressure to produce Asian-style educational outcomes, blah blah. It's everywhere. It's relentless, and it's fucking depressing. Everyone's manically busy, everything's a lie, everything's temporary, there's always something better out there. And now the cost of living crisis.
How can that not filter down to kids? The media sensationalising everything. The idea that everything right here is actually shit and everyone being preoccupied by phones and things/people that are 'better'. Even helicopter parents are busy showing off what incredibly involved 'mamas' they are.

Of course this is a huge generalisation. But it's widespread, and makes me incredibly depressed. As an ex teacher I saw daily how it affects young children. As a mother of 5 I can see what social media does to older children and young adults. It's horrible watching children posing automatically when they see a phone, or trying to get their parents' attention. I do my utmost to negate these effects by being present in the moment with my kids and trying to lead by example but you can't shut out the world. I can't help being affected by it all. I wish I knew what we could all do about it!

I have lost 8 people/young adults in the last 3 years to suicide. What a world.

Did you all just forget that happened?? Are you all daft enough to think that kind of instability alone wouldn't have an effect on kids?

Most of us weren't daft enough to catastrophise and put the fear of God into our kids.

I don't think any kid suffering from a genuine panic attack because they're running late for school again would think they had a sweet deal because they get a few extra minutes on exams in a room by themselves. Pretty sure they'd all send the panic attacks back where they came from and take the normal exams instead.

What a nasty comment

I've heard that children playing out with their peers with no adult supervision develop more resilience and ability to cope when they're older. I grew up playing out every night and knocking for my friends in a busy city.

We try to protect our kids by keeping them safe indoors but I believe it stores up problems for their future.

People are trying to mitigate the issue with play streets and the like but they are still heavily supervised, which as a parent nowadays you want but it robs children of empowerment and the opportunity to figure things out for themselves.

The notion of chidkrens shrinking horizons is mentioned in the below link although not related to anxiety.

rethinkingchildhood.com/2012/03/15/outdoor-child/

Im so glad to know you were spared the heartache of someone you loved dying a painful death alone, and spared the heartache of being separated from family because the borders were shut. But not everyone was so lucky. And like it not, the kids lives were turned upside down during Covid because something bad was happening.

I don’t know if anyone else who went to secondary in the 00s felt this way, but it seemed a bit cool and edgy to be a bit mentally fucked up - only MH disorders didn’t really have names back then beyond ‘depression’ or the more extreme stuff like schizophrenia. Lots of teens became emo and started cutting themselves. I’m happy to report all bar one have grown up to be averagely mentally healthy adults. I’m certain had we been at school today we would’ve wanted ASD/ADHD/anxiety diagnosis.

I absolutely love this

Why am I a troll? Just because I don’t parrot the ‘accepted lines’ on threads like this?

@Cuppasoupmonster I remember your thoroughly nasty comments to the lady whose child didn't have any friends.

Problem is there are so many more cars on the roads now. It simply isn't possible for kids to play out like they used to now because the space isn't there.

I would say lack of fresh air exercise and social interaction. When I was a kid everyone would always be out and about now kids just stay in their room alone no wonder their miserable

I’m happy to report all bar one have grown up to be averagely mentally healthy adults.

Sounds like they got better support than you seem capable of offering.

I agree with this. In the school I work in we have so many pupils walking about with labels now: it seems easier to say 'you have x condition' than to teach them to deal with it and move on. There's so much talk about resilience but no attempt whatsoever to instil it.

Social media, stress to look amazing, stress to have lots of friends and the right clothes, stress to do well at school, stress to be good at sports or drama or music etc. Also we bear some responsibility as parents reading to many how to bring up your children books and striving to have perfect kids. We all deny it but many do it.

The academic pressures, the constant testing, not enough time on free time or creative subjects, shorter lunch breaks which means barely enough time to eat let alone run around and socialise. Over scheduling, under scheduling and no boundaries. Stressed parents, money worries. Take your pick and that's without taking into account the impacts of phones and social media.

Agree with this 👆🏻

Also the worry about the future - houses are ridiculous prices & bills keep going up.

I think ruminating on how you feel is terrible for mental health. Yes we need to know how to identify if we are depressed and get help. But focussing on your feelings is not helpful. Far better to recognise that you do not feel so good and to focus instead on things to improve how you feel. Good sleep hygiene, getting out in green spaces, exercise, spending time with friends, etc all help to improve how people feel.
Also it does not help children if their parents paint the world as a really dangerous place. The way some people talk to their children about the world I am not surprised if they are anxious.

‘Too’ no to

• Boring curriculum with lots of pressure. The maths and grammer children are expected to do at age 8 is ridiculous.
• Loss of free play time, drama classes l, art and music etc. where schools teach these its often strict and “sit and do whet you’re told” not exploratory
• Constantly told about stranger danger, car danger, covid danger, falling from climbing frame danger etc etc. Playgrounds wre full of adults yelling “Be careful! Get down!” Instead of children crowing “Look at me” from the top of a tree.
• No stable social group. Kids move schools, classes, houses, even countries, and are expected just to start again with no fuss or help.

Of course their mental health is crumbling. They’re so small and they aren’t getting what they most need: strong stable friendships and free play.