Is this too much for a 10 year old?

[DinDjarin]

Expected to:

• get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth
• sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework
• do preventative homework when not set any
• make sure bags are packed for activities
• do music practice when asked
• get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss)
• put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)
• put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked

I'd help with hair plaiting if needed.

I'd expect to sometimes need to prompt them on sorting bags out/doing homework.

I wouldn't expect them to be doing extra homework, unless there was a specific reason for it.

I'd expect to have to remind about the laundry.

So, yes I think some of those things could be too much to expect of a ten year old.

do preventative homework when not set any

That was a step too far for my 17/18 yr olds!

So, yes I think some of those things could be too much to expect of a ten year old.
Even when specifically asked to do those things?

The "extra" homework is because they're busy during the week and homework seems to come in waves. But they are given spellings and vocab lists for the whole year so could potentially practice the next batch in advance rather than waiting for the weeks notice of a test.

On their own i don't think the tasks are too much, but the lack of prompting may be troublesome. Organising one's time.to.do those thingss in a logical order, allowing enough time needs a level of planning that i think most teenagers acquire slowly over the first couple of years of secondary

@JJJSchmidt how many prompts would you expect to give?

Lol re preventative homework. Mine at a few years older and whilst they've always been curious and learned stuff outside of school like a lot of kids, the idea of doing any homework they didn't have to wouldn't cross their minds.

They could do most if not all of the stuff on your list but would need nagging. They are teens and still need nagging.

I don't think preventative is the right word

a lot of these things older kids and some adults would struggle to do.

you’re sounding a wee bit controlling and expecting a lot to be honest.

It all seems very regimented

I think it's unrealistic to expect a 10 year old to do this consistently.
The homework one made me chuckle - maybe, if they are really motivated about school.
I think gentle reminders and encouragement are an intrinsic part of parenting for many years yet.
You often find kids regress in some of these organisational skills during their teens too.

Does seem a bit to much for 10 year old i think you should do her hair and pack her bag and wake her mum when needed

I have a 9 and an 11 year old - they are bloody fantastic but need chivvying along in all aspects of life…they can achieve everything on your list but not without reminders and some assistance - you are expecting way too much!

What the heck is preventative homework? What are you hoping to prevent? Fun? I'm a primary school and teacher and would never in a million years expect any normal 10yo to do extra homework (assuming this is what you mean)

When is there time to be a child? This approach not for me....

I have a written weekly timetable for dd and prompt her to check it twice a day (before and after school), that includes things like music practice, homework and PE kit days. For ad hoc tasks like putting washing away i ask at the time i want it done, and give her a time limit eg 'within an hour' because she doesn't always want to out her book down immediately.

We don't get any homework thay goes on longer than a week, so dd doesn't need to plan that herself, but if she did then i think i would break it down into chunks for her, and agree the night of the week that the project work would be done on.

To be fair, dd doesn't have a huge amount of unstructured time at home between my working hours and her weekend activities, so we fo have to be reasonably regimented

Our 9YO does most of this but needs plenty of prompting.

The tasks themselves are normal - well, maybe not “preventative” homework - but doing it without being prompted is probably a step too far. My 11yo is expected to do most of that list, get bag ready, put clothes away etc, but I do have to remind her generally to do them. They’re kids, they don’t generally have that sort of forward planning we do as adults.

Crikey OP. She's only 10! What happens when these things don't happen without prompts, as you have requested? Does she just not get up/do homework/get ready? What do you think your role is in her upbringing?

It’s unrealistic to expect a 10 year old to do all this, particularly the ‘unprompted’ tasks. I’ve got teens who still need their attention drawn to their washing sometimes! As for doing extra homework that hasn’t been set? At 10? You have a child not a robot.

Your expectations sound like a recipe for conflict especially in the teen years.

At what point does anybody bother parenting her - apart from telling her to put away her iPad?

My 9.5 yr old needs prompting for everything. Including all the different parts of getting ready for bed. Plus he likes to chat with me or his dad between tasks and be kept company. He really doesn’t feel old enough to just head off to get himself to bed alone.

Frankly you are asking too much. You are living with a child, not an adult. Things that seem important to you do not feel that way to her.

It’s fine, but you need to expect to be on hand and prompting. There’s no way my DC would do ‘preventative homework’ on days none is set.

If you’re expecting them to get on with it without much input then I think you’re being unrealistic.

My DC do all that shizzle (hair plaiting & preventative homework excepted) but there’s a lot of prompting over stuff like bags packed, laundry etc

You're joking?
'Preventative homework'? I wouldn't do that ever - even when getting my Masters!
My teens don't take up the laundry without being reminded a billion times.
Bags packed - my daughter could do it but my son never; I'd always need to check it.
The rest seems pretty standard, though I do give my kids a shout if I don't hear them get up.
I think explaining these goals and helping them (making sure the games kit is clean, for example), and double checking that they have everything ('right got your footie kit? Bus pass? Etc) is reasonable.

When specifically asked I think they're ok (apart from extra homework), but I think you're expecting too much for a ten year old to have that level of interest/self-motivation/organisation to consistently do those tasks unprompted.