Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Is this too much for a 10 year old?

146 replies

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 10:58

Expected to:

  • get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth
  • sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework
  • do preventative homework when not set any
  • make sure bags are packed for activities
  • do music practice when asked
  • get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss)
  • put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)
  • put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked
OP posts:
keepareaclean · 15/01/2023 11:40

I would struggle with most of that list and I'm in my 40s.

So, any SEN?

crimsonlake · 15/01/2023 11:41

This sounds like a very rigid, controlling environment, enjoy spending time with your child while she needs you.

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2023 11:42

She absolutely can but 95% of the time doesn't.

My kids can get up, get dressed, pack their bags etc but they need prompted to do it. Their sense of time passing isn’t fully developed yet - my DD will go upstairs to get ready for bed and 30 mins later still be drawing a picture. In her head it’s only been 2 minutes because she was so absorbed in what she was doing - it’s not malicious or uncooperative, she just lost track of time.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

10 year olds Families
NoSquirrels · 15/01/2023 11:42

Kids getting distracted by something more appealing than washing and cleaning their teeth is 100% standard operating procedure. Alas.

AlwaysGinPlease · 15/01/2023 11:43

Far too much for that age for goodness sake. Let her be a child. Take the responsibility you should.

SquirrelFan · 15/01/2023 11:43

She does 5 after school activities (absolutely all her choice) so time is limited, especially when she does have homework.
She may have chosen them all but she is only ten and can't necessarily realise what's in her best interests. Sounds like she's got a lot on, and your forcing her to be on top of all that seems like a punishment!
I would expect to have to remind a ten year old of all of those things, quite a lot of the time. If you would prefer not to, and she likes a lot of activities, maybe boarding school is the way forward.

AndyWarholsPiehole · 15/01/2023 11:43

Were you never a 10 year old child op? Your home sounds very regimented and cold.

DinosApple · 15/01/2023 11:44

I think you have very high expectations. My slightly older DC (12 & 13) still need a lot of prompting. Yes, even to go to bed. Then a lot of nagging to get up in the mornings too.

Preventative homework is not something I recognise from my DC's lives (or mine!).

PourOnTheHeat · 15/01/2023 11:44

What the heck is preventative homework? What are you hoping to prevent? Fun?

😂

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/01/2023 11:44

Yes, you are expecting too much.

What is preventative homework?

JaninaDuszejko · 15/01/2023 11:46

My 10yo does none of those things without lots of nagging. My 13yo and 15yo do most of them most of the time but still need reminding for 1 or 2. My 51yo husband still doesn't get up in the morning without help.

Morph22010 · 15/01/2023 11:46

Depends on child my 12 year old son wouldn’t be able to do any of those

Gwenhwyfar · 15/01/2023 11:47

watcherintherye · 15/01/2023 11:05

do preventative homework when not set any

That was a step too far for my 17/18 yr olds!

I'm in my 40s and this is too much for my with my evening class or OU courses!

caringcarer · 15/01/2023 11:48

When my child was 10 he still needed prompting to do those things and yes I also expected additional homework eg practice times tables, spellings for 10 mins a day. By 11 1/2 no longer needed prompting. Moving to secondary school and seeing extra homework and he wanting to continue with all week night sporting activities meant he had to be organised and get homework done as soon as he got it and then pack it straight into his bag so it was there when he needed to hand it in.
He was always good with packing up bag for school because he did it for Sporting activities so was used to doing it. We had the chat about more homework at secondary level and this comes first, but if you can keep on top of all homework to hen you can still continue with other evening activities but if you fall behind with homework then a couple of be activities will have to go. He was very motivated to keep his activities Monday Scouts, Tuesday a run and Karate, Wednesday Swimming, Thursday Cricket, Friday Running and Swimming, Saturday Swimming gala and Sundays more cricket, nets in winter and matches in summer. He also had a Maths tutor one hour a week and Science tutor one hour a week. He met friends at his Sports clubs, watched 1 hour of TV some evenings and hardly any time left for gaming. Good organisation is key. He would come home from Sport, shower, put Sport kit to be washed and pack his kit ready for next time and hang on his peg.

caringcarer · 15/01/2023 11:50

If I said bedtime now he would go shower and get into bed. But without me saying bedtime he either might not notice the time or tried his luck on staying up a bit longer. He knew though that he needed his sleep to perform well.

LetsDoThis2023 · 15/01/2023 11:53

She's not a robot she's a kid.
You will need to interact with her about what she needs to do op.

LetsDoThis2023 · 15/01/2023 11:54

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

This sounds like very common behaviour.

memyselfi · 15/01/2023 11:55

It doesn't sound as though you even like her much .
Do you enjoy being a parent ?
My upbringing was like this. I left home as soon as I could .

frazzledasarock · 15/01/2023 11:57

How many days a week do the after school activities take up?

id choose two she absolutely loves and that’s it.

forget the preventative homework. I never asked or expected it of mine and they started doing it in secondary school of their own accord.

hair you need to do it.

id have internet going off at a set time each evening so she has screen free time before bed. This is non negotiable and happens automatically each evening in our house.

I’d expect to prompt (probably repeatedly) about laundry, and make up a list for things she needs to remember to do each evening eg packing bags etc. once she forgets to pack stuff a couple of times she’ll remember. Although I would remind her to go pack her things for the following day. If she doesn’t repeatedly then again maybe it’s time to reassess all the extra activities she’s doing.

NettleTea · 15/01/2023 11:58

the info of the 5 different clubs or activities, which you are also wishing her to be fully prepped/packed for, and then come home and settle herself without propmting to do homework or 'prep' homework, adds a whole other level to the expectations

I think its too much.

Im slightly biased as have ASD/ADHD and have 2 kids with the same, so expectations of this are way off the scale for my own family, but Im only just getting my 16 year old to be doing this at sixth form, and its only now that he is coping. Last year I was still packing his school bag as he honestly didnt have a clue what day it was.

But I still will need to nag/remind for bed and showers.

I also wouldnt 100% trust him to pack, even with a list, for DofE, not something that could have serious detrimental effect!

brillianthopefulness · 15/01/2023 11:58

I have 3 kids. There's is no 'one size fits all' - DD2 was totally independent, DD1 absolutely scatterbrained and although capable would lose everything and needed reminders. DS the bright one, has zero common sense but always does his bag and worries about making sure he's done his homework.

I'm sure your 10 year old has a range of strengths that perhaps don't fit your checklist.

DashingWhiteSergeant · 15/01/2023 12:00

Almost all seems fine apart from hair plaiting, and I would be very surprised at a child doing preventative homework.

OnenightinDevon · 15/01/2023 12:00

Mine probably could, but I think it might add undue stress so I’d rather help her with a few of these things. Depends on the kid really. Mine is more prone to overthink and worry so I make a concerted effort to keep things very light.

I mean, why? would be my question. She’s got years to hone those skills.

PourOnTheHeat · 15/01/2023 12:00

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 10:58

Expected to:

  • get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth
  • sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework
  • do preventative homework when not set any
  • make sure bags are packed for activities
  • do music practice when asked
  • get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss)
  • put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)
  • put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked

Yes to showers, bed etc when asked. My daughter would often do it without being asked.

Sorting our school bag, I just sorted it when they got home. Took out any uneaten food, letters and looked at anything in there.

Preventative homework? My son wouldn’t do anything that wasn’t compulsory and due in the next day. 😅 I think that’s pretty normal. My daughter would often do extra. Her choice.

Bags for activities, I’d do with them or for them if they were busy.

Music practice. My son would never do it and I didn’t make him, he wasn’t interested at all. My daughter did it unprompted.

Get up and ready with alarm. Definitely not. They only started getting themselves up as teens. I still give them a shout. I’m up early to workout and see to our animals anyway.

Screens away with warnings. Yes, but I was always very reasonable. I heard so many people ending up in constant battles about screens that it wasn’t something I wanted to get into.

Put laundry away when asked. Yes, but I often did it for them at that age. If I did ask them, I’d choose a time they were not on screens or busy with anything.

Siriusmuggle · 15/01/2023 12:05

Mine couldn’t manage that at 16. Now nearly 19 and I’m still not convinced he’d do it 🙈

Swipe left for the next trending thread