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Original poster

Is this too much for a 10 year old?

146 replies

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 10:58

Expected to:

  • get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth
  • sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework
  • do preventative homework when not set any
  • make sure bags are packed for activities
  • do music practice when asked
  • get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss)
  • put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)
  • put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked
OP posts:
strumpert · 15/01/2023 11:22

I still prompt for "homework" and my youngest is at uni. Have you started it did you do an essay plan 😂😂😂

Original poster
DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

OP posts:
BooCrew · 15/01/2023 11:22

The tasks are not unreasonable, but doing then without prompting is. Very. There's no way a 10 year old is capable of keeping on top of their life like that - it's something you learn as you get older and more responsible. Honestly I think it's often not learned until you leave home!

These things are not important to a child.

Interested in this thread?

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10 year olds Families
Sucessinthenewyear · 15/01/2023 11:24

Unprompted tasks is too much.

I would create a list for things needed to be done done on an evening and ask her if she has been and checked she has done everything.

At this age I would be observing teeth brushing and still reading to her every night if she would allow it.

BooCrew · 15/01/2023 11:24

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

I'd say needing to stand over them is entirely normal. And that's from memory of my own childhood.

EggsActly · 15/01/2023 11:25

I don’t think it’s unreasonable as a set of expectations, but I wouldn’t be punishing her or getting on at her too much if all of these weren’t done all of the time.

Good practice for getting organised, basically, but she might not always do it all and that would be ok with me. She’s still very young.

My DD was very organised and doing all of this at 10, btw. A proper little goody two shoes organised and motivated kid. At 15, it’s a different kettle of fish Grin. I still check her homework, but the rest…Meg. Piles of laundry everywhere, always stressing about not having the right equipment. But surprisingly, has hours and hoys to make sure her hair looks good Wink.

EggsActly · 15/01/2023 11:26

Meh not Meg 🤪

JJJSchmidt · 15/01/2023 11:26

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

I'd break it down by asking them to shower, then brushing teeth (probably observing as a pp said), then doing her hair, then setting an alrm on alexa for reading time, then tucking in and chatting before lights out. So still a lot more input than your example.

DanceCapital · 15/01/2023 11:27

Thinking back to age 10, here’s how my DC were. Bit of a mixed bag .

get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth - at 10 I practically had to run a bath and threaten to throw them in it. Thankfully personal hygiene kicked in at about 12

sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework - they sorted their lunch, notes would fester in the bottom of the bag if I didn’t retrieve them, homework they did ok.

do preventative homework when not set any - they might read a book if that counts

make sure bags are packed for activities - they packed their own bags from a kit list if they were going away with cubs, scouts, brownies, guides etc.

do music practice when asked - Bain of my life, had to ask repeatedly.

get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss) - had to return but generally ok.

put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)- after turning off the Xbox at the console they realised I meant business and were ok.

put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked - even DH needs telling, they would move a pile in order to sit down.

it’s great that they have responsibilities but I think you need to lower your expectations slightly.

woohooho · 15/01/2023 11:28

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

It won't be too long before you're telling them to get off their phone/ laptop etc before bed ( multiple times) so if they're listening to an audiobook, reading or playing Lego I'd let them to be honest!

WandaWonder · 15/01/2023 11:28

I don't ask this of a teenager, are they training for the army?

NuffSaidSam · 15/01/2023 11:29

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

I'd expect them to go upstairs (after some level of discussion about why it's bedtime probably!).

I'd expect some of the time for them to successfully start the process, but other times for them to get distracted with Lego etc. and need a reminder shouted up the stairs (I can't hear the shower!! for example).

I'd then go up to put them to bed and not be particularly surprised to find teeth not brushed/hair not plaited and for that to need an additional reminder.

I wouldn't expect to have to stand over them, but I would expect to have to take an active parenting role in bedtime and not just say 'get ready for bed' and expect everything to be done.

User4775433 · 15/01/2023 11:31

get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth - Might need help with hair especially if v long.

sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework - I did this by 10 but all kids are different - I wouldn't think this is a massive expectation

do preventative homework when not set any - Well you are talking about a 10 year old. I think doing a through job with set homework and encouraging reading/inquisitive minds is enough personally.

make sure bags are packed for activities - Sometimes this will be straightforward, other times support might be needed?

do music practice when asked - This seems a bit controlling, surely practice times could be a discussion not a direction?

get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss) - 10 year old maybe...not so much with a teenager!

put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm) - Depends what kind of personality she has tbh, some kids will and some kids won't!

put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked - Yeah... good luck with this one!

It sounds like you want a child who forsees all issues and works to counteract them.... this isn't that realistic imo and could lead to problems

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/01/2023 11:31

What the f is preventative homework?!

Littlepaws18 · 15/01/2023 11:31

Regimented and miserable are the words I associate with that lust- poor kid

Littlepaws18 · 15/01/2023 11:32

List not lust!

itsgettingweird · 15/01/2023 11:33

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

Yes a 10 yo should be able to follow those tasks.

But it doesn't sound like they can't - rather than they decide to totally ignore your instructions and go and do something they know they shouldn't?

But if your expectation is things like preventative homework I'm wondering if they are rebelling against an environment that's too regimented for a 10yo?

Tamarindtree · 15/01/2023 11:33

get ready for bed when asked inc. shower and remembering towel, hair brushed and plaited, teeth -
Unless you have lots of other kids, some of this could be supervised under the guise of chatting about their day or the next.

sort out school bag unprompted and give me notes and do (or tell me she has) homework - I don’t think this should be unprompted, you should ask and get involved.

do preventative homework when not set any - no.

make sure bags are packed for activities
do music practice when asked - Sometimes this would be ok if you were running short on time or distracted by other children, but again you should e involved.

get up and ready with alarm (only one she regularly does with no fuss) - yes I would expect them to be up and read and come down for breakfast by themselves at this age.

put screens away at end of allotted time (10, 5 minute warning plus alarm)- yes.

put folded laundry away from sofa without being asked - no I wouldn’t have asked that if mine unless we were all going upstairs together and I asked them to carry some up with me.

You seem rather uptight and inflexible. I’m all for making children independent but they are only children once and should be able to relax at home.

pastypirate · 15/01/2023 11:34

DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:22

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

This sounds completely normal

strumpert · 15/01/2023 11:37

How much preventative homework did you do when you were 10 op?

Jellycatspyjamas · 15/01/2023 11:37

So if you say "will you please go and get ready for bed now" would you expect them to do it? Or expect them go to their room, put on an audiobook/play with Lego/read/etc and that you'll have to go and stand over them until they make their way to the shower?

I’d fully expect my 10 and 11 year old to be distracted by something more interesting in their room and need prompted to brush their teeth etc.

redskydelight · 15/01/2023 11:37

Other than the preventative homework (pick your battles) mine were doing that by age 10. But I expected to give lots of reminders. I'd also sometimes sit with them when doing homework/music practice and bedtime wasn't just asking them to get ready for bed - I'd come in and chat/read stories once they'd washed and changed into pyjamas.

especially if your 10 year old will go to secondary school next year, I think these are really good habits to get into. I'm amazed every year by the number of posts from upcoming Year 7s saying (e.g.) their DC has never packed their own bag or got their own clothes ready.

WoolyMammoth55 · 15/01/2023 11:37

It sounds like a lonely childhood, honestly. I like to wake my kids up myself if I can, so that we get the cuddles and closeness and a moment together to check in before the day starts.

Why are there alarms to get off the screens, instead of a human carer?

I also help with all homework, but mine are younger.

I think 10 is still very young and I think this sounds a bit robotic and cold.

Original poster
DinDjarin · 15/01/2023 11:38

@itsgettingweird that is indeed my main annoyance right now. She absolutely can but 95% of the time doesn't.

She does 5 after school activities (absolutely all her choice) so time is limited, especially when she does have homework. Clearly it makes sense to me to try to learn some spellings etc on the weeks she has no set homework but I accept she is 10.

OP posts:
MolkosTeenageAngst · 15/01/2023 11:39

Im a woman in my 30s and struggle with about half of the things on your list. Definitely think your expectations are too high for a 10yo still at primary school.

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