Rude not to invite someone we haven't met to our wedding?

[cuminpotato]

We've sent out save the dates.

DP sent to his cousin, and received a reply along the lines of 'Me and Gabby would love to come!' (not her real name).

Neither of us have met Gabby. I haven't met the cousin,and DP only sees him for big family events eg. funerals. Weddings are expensive and we had not budgeted for the addition of partners we do not know.

Is it OK to tell him Gabby isn't invited? Or do we have to suck it up and invite strangers(!)

If ok to not invite Gabby, and if so, how do we tell the cousin?

Some other cousins may have partners there, which may make things trickier.

Well, it does.
There is a big difference between 2 people who are 'going out' and 2 people who have committed to be with each other the rest of their lives and committed to pooling finances and living together.

YOu do not have to live together to be committed to someone. My cousin and his wife have separate homes and have the happiest marriage I have seen and they are 15 years married. For varying circumstances myself and dp cannot live together for the next year or two but every intention of doing so and every bit as committed as other couples.

Your expecting that person to give up a whole day, considerable costs incurred, a gift etc. It isn't cheap to attend a wedding but it's somewhat justifiable when you're with your partner and can make a day/night of it, perhaps staying in a hotel etc.

See, this idea that somehow the guests are doing the B&G a favour by attending their wedding is completely alien to me and something I've never come across outside of MN.
I have never seen going to a wedding as "giving up a whole day". It's just such an odd concept. I genuinely feel pleased - sometimes even privileged - to be thought of as someone the B&G cares about enough to want to share their special day with me. If I didn't feel that, and felt it was some kind of sacrifice on my part, then I would decline the invitation.

Same with the people on MN who talk about great expense being incurred by guests. If you don't have much money - wear something you've got. You don't need new outfits for every wedding. If you don't have much money then don't spend a fortune on a present. B&Gs invite you because they want to share the day with you. If you can't afford much then don't spend much on their present.
I am aware occasionally people will be invited to a wedding that is several hours away, but generally, for most weddings, you can drive home afterwards. You don't need to stay in a hotel for most weddings. If you do, and can't afford travel and overnight accommodation, then you can decline.

Hi OP, haven't RTFT but have read your posts.

Honestly I think you are being rude, yes.

If it was a birthday party or a Christmas party then I think your guest list can be who you like. But at a wedding you are literally (a) blending your families for life, and (b) celebrating LOVE.

For those reasons, denying your DH's cousin the opportunity to spend the event with the person he loves, is mean and thoughtless.

This goes 2 ways:
Either you like/love/feel familial with DH's cousin, and want to share your celebration with him and the woman he loves, OR
You don't. In which case keep showing him that with your rudeness and he'll doubtless solve the problem for you by remembering that he has other plans for that date.

IMHO - you have to be the bride, but you can choose whether or not to be a spoilt princess!

Your attitude is so funny to me. You aren't giving your opinion, you're TELLING us how it is. Not everyone thinks like you, and that's okay. Chill 🤣

"Really sorry, the invite is only for the people specifically named due to a limitation on the overall number of guests, hope you understand"! should cover it. In this day and age, I can't imagine anyone assuming a plus one on cost/size/venue limitation grounds, and a cousin will know other family so hardly a miserable solo day out for them.

It was a text, not a formal invitation with names so the cousin hasn't done anything wrong in assuming his long term partner is invited.

I think I'd want DH with more at a family wedding than a friend's - family weddings can be hard work

Personally, yes, I would invite her if you are generally inviting cousins' partners. I didn't know quite a few people at our wedding. But we wanted our guests to have a good time and to be with people they were comfortable with. I've never not been invited to a wedding with now dh, and dh even went to MY EX's wedding with me, even though he didn't actually know my ex or his partner.