Offered something on Facebook .. now confronted by harrassment

[listsandbudgets]

Luckily I'm quite robust and couldn't give a damn but for your entertainment

I'm having a big clear out and putting things in Facebook and olio for people to take.

This morning I listed a play pen on a local group and after about half an hour.got a message from a lady who will come.and take.it this evening.. brilliant.

Just before marking it as taken gone got a message from.someone else

"Need this .. please drop off at X address between 3 and 5pm today" I replied saying it was taken and anyway collection only and left it at that.

Then received

" I can't believe you would give it away without even asking why I need it I bet I need it more than anyone else "

"You're so selfish I bet you sold it instead"

"You don't care about anything but clearing out your house you couldn't give a sh*t about a young mum like me"

"If you've got any other children's stuff message me and you can drop it over tomorrow, I need things"

"You obviously don't care if my child gets hurt because they dont have a play pen.. youve got to give it to me, dont be heartless"

" How am I supposed to come and get it Ive got children you need to drop it off today"

I ignored her and blocked her and now receiving stroppy messages from another person saying they're her friend, I'm victimising her,.I shouldn't just give things away without talking to people about what they need it for everyone deserves a chance..

and best of all:

" you should be dying of shame for treating a young mum like this I hope you carry the guilt.to your dying day"

WTAF ?????

I've blocked them too and await next messages with interest. I strongly suspect they "friend" is also her. I am having quite a boring day cleaning out the loft so this is brightening it up no end

Sorry for message format. I don`t know why its doing that.

The neck of her! This is the risk of selling on Facebook marketplace sadly, loads of people like this

I put some old winter coats on Vinted recently as I'd bought a new one and had no need for them.

Someone messaged me wanting to buy all three but the bundle function on Vinted doesn't let you actually buy something outright, only to request a bundle from the seller.

I don't get notifications on the Vinted app so in between the time of her messaging and me checking, people had bought the coats so I had to tell her the coats were no longer available and I got a tirade of abuse because I hadn't given her first dibs on them or she just didn't understand the vinted bundle function.

I just told her I wasn't interested in arguing about coats that cost £5 but she would not back down.

I eventually had to block her. I wouldn't have sent her three coats anyway as the postage costs would have been astronomical. A reasonable person would have just said thanks and moved on.

Good idea! And if they insist on paying (I would!) you can always choose to give the money to charity - or tell them to pay it forward!

the cheeky so and so glad you have blocked them.

Wtf 🙈 I was a single teen mum I die inside when people use it as an excuse for pity. She's crazy op.

I think this is all very true - I’ve long since thought (on the basis of experience) that there are some people who just don’t know how to “work” the world. They don’t know how to communicate, they don’t know how to work within the rules (e.g. the necessity of turning up to work on time), they don’t know how to get along with others, and they see the system as permanently “against” them. Worse, they then are bitter towards those they see as doing OK in a world they don’t understand.

I have felt sorry for those who are like this that I’ve come across but, having been at the receiving end of their unpleasantness, I feel more sorry for those who have to deal with them.

I think it has a term; social capital? 🤔

I do get some peoples frustration though... (not their rudeness!)..

There was a time I had no vehicle, very few friends who drove and of them only one had access to a van, which was not his and thus not always available.

If I wanted something free (and I did, I had no money) I couldn't say 'yes I can come get it right now/whenever you say', because I couldn't know if van + driver were available at whatever time/day suited the seller/giver awayer.

So I would have to message and ask if it was available and ask when I could collect, and then go back to the van + driver and ask them... and be piggy in the middle until it's sorted out.

I suspect there are a lot of people out there in a similar situation, and when everything is given away to the first person who can say 'yes I can collect whenever you like' because they're lucky enough to have access to a suitable vehicle any time... it leaves very bloody little for those who have to scratch around for transport and find making arrangements awkward.

Not the seller/givers fault... but just to offer a bit of perspective on this. When you've got bog all and you're reliant on help from others and finding free or very cheap second hand stuff, its pretty frustrating repeatedly missing out on stuff.

I always have access to a big vehicle now. I can't tolerate life without a large people carrier/van! In fact, we've never had a hatchback or saloon car and never will!

I've thought this often, that some of this horrible, aggressive and entitled behaviour stems from fear, fear that they'll lose out, fear that someones got something over on them, fear that they're being trodden down or whatever..

And that stems from the lack of education, the poor social skills and the myriad life stuff going on that they don't understand... and that must be a pretty intense and unpleasant way to live.

I am still really fucking happy NOT to live somewhere like that any more, where people think nothing of bashing on your door at 3am because theres a light on, to ask for a ciggie and if you know Steve who sells pills, or to threaten you because they're CERTAIN you took the piss out of them last week (at the pub you've never been in, because they've got the wrong house, wrong street and wrong person)...

WiddlinDiddlin

I completely get what you mean about the frustration when you don't have ready access to a vehicle, which is often tied in to having very little money, hence you're needing to seek out free stuff that's being given away in the first place.

As you say, though, that had nothing to do with justification for rudeness. If it were me offering something and the recipient was having logistical issues but was polite and respectful, I'd probably just offer to drop it off for them myself - unless they were one of these weird people who live on every local gifting/re-use site within 100 miles of where they live.

I think one of the big beefs that people have is when somebody wanting free/very cheap stuff doesn't have access to a suitable/any vehicle, they will often see that as their cast-iron 'reason' why the giver/seller thus needs to deliver it to them - without even thinking to ask whether the giver has a vehicle either.

Presumably part of the common victim complex in which they are the only poor, downtrodden ones who struggle and everybody else is highly privileged and just breezes effortlessly through their wonderful easy lives.

Presumably part of the common victim complex in which they are the only poor, downtrodden ones who struggle and everybody else is highly privileged and just breezes effortlessly through their wonderful easy lives.

I can just about get my head around why people think like this. I've had a couple of sets of neighbours over the years who could be very nasty to those who they saw as "doing alright" and they just could not understand why they did not - for Archers fans, you could call it The Grundy Complex. They really do see those with good jobs with flexible working/decent working conditions, financial stability, nice things etc as it being unfair as to why they haven't got those things, because they can't understand how to work the world and therefore how to get - and keep - those things.

As an example, a previous neighbour ran up a debt accidentally. Rather than ring the company, explain, organise a repayment plan and stick to it (which is what a lot of us would have done), he paid it off by not paying his rent. He had his tenancy terminated as a result and ended up homeless. All, to his mind, very unfair.

When you're surrounded by people "doing alright" and you cannot understand for the life of you why you're not, it's easy to see how that descends into resentment and "I should have, and it's not fair if I don't".

All that said, it's a shitty way to behave and, while previously I'd have stopped my thought process at understanding why they feel the way they do, I've had to put up with people around me behaving like this and I have considerably less sympathy than I used to, not least because how we behave is a choice.

Very nicely summed up, GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin - you speak a lot of sense!

Yes @GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin - sounds exactly like my MIL. Except she's just doing fine and she doesn't see the advantages she has in her life. She just chooses to see the advantages others may have and how badly done by she is because she doesn't have them as well.

Although, I've just had it from the opposite side!

I collect old hifi stuff, yes, I'm a massive nerd, but in my case I have things I never had as a kid which kid/teen me would've given a kidney for to own.

One thing I don't have is a Reel to Reel player.

Someone nearby on Freecycle offered a reel to reel and a very nice pair of vintage speakers too.

I messaged explaining I'm a collector, I live in the same area and can collect either from them or on a doorstep (still quite popular here post lockdown) tomorrow. It was listed at 5pm and I saw it at 5.10pm.

He gets back to me at 9.30pm asking me to collect now. No please, no can you manage that, nothing. So I politely said that wasn't possible because it's now very dark out and so as per my original response I can collect first thing tomorrow or when it's convenient.

He then gets in a hump with me, replies at 10.15pm and says "tough luck, now gone to someone who could be bothered to collect".

What an utter wanker. I get that people do mess people around but seriously, that late when he's messaging a female is a bit much. Also the estate he lives on can be a beggar to navigate in daylight, and considering that at 9.30 he hadn't even given me the address, he would have had to wait for me to reply and then give the address so it could've been way gone 10pm.

I did message back that I highly doubted someone had collected it, but as the offerer it was up to him what he did, I said however I've used the service for years and would never expect someone to collect that late at night, especially a female, and basically, he was rude to expect me to do so when I had already said I could collect tomorrow (now today).

He actually reported me to admins who got snarky on me about not collecting and being rude and how he gave me opportunities to collect. They soon apologised when I said he wanted me to come at gone 9.30pm at night.

So whilst most of the time it can be the person wanting something who is a twit, sometimes you can't please the person offering either

ReformedWaywardTeen

He sounds grumpy and not very pleasant - and that isn't a reasonable time to demand somebody come out - but I'm afraid he had the upper hand if he was giving something away free. He obviously wanted it to go ASAP; and maybe he's had timewasters before, so he's already on the alert and doesn't know that you aren't one as well.

Absolutely batshit. So many people out there that really shouldn't be allowed to breed.

Lmao here in South Africa another lady was offered a microwave for free but she had to fetch it,she took too long even though she said she would fetch it from said person.They gave it away and this person said something along the lines of "I am a single mother of(idk how many)kids you are selfish to give it away when I needed it.

If they really need something they also need to pull their weight.

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