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Original poster

Kid left my house alone, his mum is angry

369 replies

User4873628 · 12/01/2023 17:56

DS brought 3 friends home after school. They're all aged 10 and 11, final year of primary school here in Scotland. They know our house well, they live within a 5 minute walk. I checked when they were to be home, they all said they had to leave at 5pm and were walking home alone. This is quite usual, usually I would go downstairs at 5pm and send them all home.

They set themselves up in the front room with the xbox and a bowl of popcorn. I went back upstairs where I was working. Doors open, I could hear them chatting away, all normal.

About 4.45pm one of the mums came to the door to collect her ds. He wasn't here. Turns out he'd walked home and not told anyone. I hadn't heard him go, hadn't heard anyone shout goodbye. The side door is always open for the dog so I didn't hear a door open or close. No-one told me he'd gone, he didn't tell me he was going. He just left. I don't know if the other boys really registered that he'd gone either, they seemed equally confused when he wasn't in the house. They seem to have assumed he was at the toilet. I certainly didn't hear 4 voices saying goodbye in the hall as he left.

This boy had walked home, found no-one there, so walked back to ours. Just as we were worrying about where he was he came back up the path, not at all bothered, he just said that he'd wanted to go home early so he left.

His mum is really angry with me for not supervising her child properly. I get that she got a fright when he wasn't here, so did I. She's just contacted me by text to say that he won't be allowed to our house again if he is not properly supervised. I want to reply but I'm not sure what to say.

It just didn't occur to me that I couldn't leave a bunch of 10 and 11 yr olds who are familiar with our house and who live nearby downstairs playing xbox. It didn't enter my head that one of them might leave early and not tell me. It didn't enter my head that one of the might leave early at all, usually they need pushed out the door when it's time to go home.

I'm trying to think what I would expect of my 10 yr old in this situation. I think I would expect him to tell the adult that he was leaving early, not to just walk off without telling anyone. But I'm not sure.

Anyway, the kid did the right thing, he walked home then came straight back here when he found his house was locked up.

I'm not sure what more I could have done in this situation.

Who's in the wrong here? The kid for leaving without telling anyone or me for not monitoring the door more closely?

I guess me, I'm the adult. But I just didn't think that someone would leave without telling me. And they were all due to walk home by themselves anyway. What a mess, kids come and go round our house all the time and now I feel like I wasn't looking after them properly.

OP posts:
sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 19:54

*The Mum was expecting her child to be safely, appropriately supervised. You didn’t do this, the proof being he escaped and no one knew.
I think the law demands children that age are not left alone.*

The proof being he ESCAPED ....

Nope he got up and walked out and his buddies thought he was off to the lav. He is old enough and has enough agency to do this.

Dominoeffecter · 13/01/2023 19:54

Escaped 🤣🤣

slipperypenguin · 13/01/2023 19:58

JRHartley72 · 12/01/2023 18:24

I'd reply: 'Agreed. I can't be responsible for him if he's just going to walk out the door without saying anything.'

This 👌

Interested in this thread?

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Families
sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 19:59

The Mum was expecting her child to be safely, appropriately supervised. You didn’t do this, the proof being he escaped and no one knew.
I think the law demands children that age are not left alone.

You think wrong.

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:01

sunglassesonthetable
For real? They're off to High School in a matter of months

It was the op who used the expression "looked after" -
"I love that he's welcome and looked after in theirs"

Do you have kids that age?

My youngest ds is 14 now - so not that long ago.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 20:03

My youngest ds is 14 now - so not that long ago.

Would he have just got up and walked out of the room with his friends and then out of the house without saying a word ?

asblindasabat · 13/01/2023 20:14

I assume she was just scared and is taking it out on you.

It wasn’t your fault though. They’re 10/11 years old, they don’t need an adult to sit with them the whole time. Of course I’d be checking in on them
regularly but wouldn’t be sitting with them as they should be old enough to play in a room / garden without adult supervision the whole time.

I’d reply and tell her that You were also shocked that he left without telling you. He should have done that. Not your fault he walked out and didn’t tell you.

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:19

mustgetoffmn
In fact I suppose this is old fashioned but isn’t there an argument that he hasn’t been taught good manners seeking party host and thanking them before leaving?

A party host who is upstairs being paid to work from home during office hours - perhaps making phone calls/zoom calls? One who may have already indicated that she didn't want to be disturbed.

sunglassesonthetable
Would he have just got up and walked out of the room with his friends and then out of the house without saying a word?

No - none of his friends live within walking distance in any case.

Did the op (or his mother) actually confirm with the boy that he left without saying a word to any of the others?

EarthlyNightshade · 13/01/2023 20:21

Sainte · 13/01/2023 19:26

The Mum was expecting her child to be safely, appropriately supervised. You didn’t do this, the proof being he escaped and no one knew.
I think the law demands children that age are not left alone.

What law is that?
Does it just apply to other people's children or should you also stay in the same room as your own children at that age?

Lalliella · 13/01/2023 20:21

Say to her that you can’t believe he left without saying thank you, and she needs to teach him better manners! What a CF. Ridiculous, as are some of the replies on here. What are you supposed to do, sit in the room with them while they’re playing? Bet they’d love that!

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 20:27

No - none of his friends live within walking distance in any case.

'No' - yep this boy did something very out of the ordinary and unusual. In that case it's very hard to foresee or prevent.

And anyone who has had kids knows this is when you get caught out. But it happens. And I'd be surprised if it hadn't happened to every parent.

The OP was not remiss but the child behaved in a very unusual way. When the mum gets over her fright she will understand. I don't expect she hovers over the lads at her house. Because that wouldn't be appropriate either.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 20:34

A party host who is upstairs being paid to work from home during office hours -

irrelevant. It's her house, her sofa, her wi-fi, her front door.

Hmm1234 · 13/01/2023 20:46

The door should of been locked really. When you have other peoples children in your home you need to be more precautious

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:47

Ds is worried now too that he's done something wrong tonight. He's sure the lad wasn't upset about anything, he certainly didn't seem upset when he reappeared.
Ds says he just got up and wandered off, they didn't really think about it but thought maybe he'd gone to the kitchen for a drink.
We have 4 xbox controllers and there were 4 kids here. But I don't know how many were playing at the time. I could tell from the shouting that they were playing FIFA. That's as much as I know...

I would have asked my ds whether his friend had been excluded from the game. Presumably the boy was not playing FIFA when he "just got up"? Were the other boys 'hogging' the Xbox and he was fed up and bored? Perhaps he did say something and the other boys were too engrossed in their game to listen? Or perhaps he said something to one of the boys and that child kept quiet for fear of being told off?

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:51

sunglassesonthetable
irrelevant. It's her house, her sofa, her wi-fi, her front door

It's not irrelevant if the op had indicated (on this occasion or previously) that she was working and didn't want to be disturbed.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 20:54

It's not irrelevant if the op had indicated (on this occasion or previously) that she was working and didn't want to be disturbed.

OP has given us a very thorough description.

Are you intent she said this and then came on here shocked the lad left without saying anything?

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:57

sunglassesonthetable
OP has given us a very thorough description

In fact the OP avoided answering my query yesterday - (she answered my other query in the same post).

Dominoeffecter · 13/01/2023 20:59

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 20:57

sunglassesonthetable
OP has given us a very thorough description

In fact the OP avoided answering my query yesterday - (she answered my other query in the same post).

Ok Poirot

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 21:03

In fact the OP avoided answering my query yesterday - (she answered my other query in the same post).

So you think the OP is also withholding this info?

And maybe making herself feel better by not putting in the description?

Maybe this is more about the OP? Making stuff up on a SM site to 🤷‍♀️who knows?

Very complicated.

Or maybe it isn't.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 21:05

Tbh I'll just take it at face value.

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 21:07

Lalliella
Say to her that you can’t believe he left without saying thank you, and she needs to teach him better manners!

But that's not what she thinks;

"I'm trying to think what I would expect of my 10 yr old in this situation. I think I would expect him to tell the adult that he was leaving early, not to just walk off without telling anyone. But I'm not sure."

MichaelFabricantWig · 13/01/2023 21:08

His mum is really angry with me for not supervising her child properly.

tell her to go fuck herself, you aren’t a childminder

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 21:09

sunglassesonthetable
So you think the OP is also withholding this info?

I thought she avoided answering my query - yes.

EarthlyNightshade · 13/01/2023 21:10

Clavinova · 13/01/2023 21:07

Lalliella
Say to her that you can’t believe he left without saying thank you, and she needs to teach him better manners!

But that's not what she thinks;

"I'm trying to think what I would expect of my 10 yr old in this situation. I think I would expect him to tell the adult that he was leaving early, not to just walk off without telling anyone. But I'm not sure."

But why does it matter if it's not what she thinks?
This is an internet forum and people are just throwing ideas about.

sunglassesonthetable · 13/01/2023 21:13

I thought she avoided answering my query - yes.

And?

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