Old habits DRY hard! It's DRY JANUARY thread #2... newcomers always welcome!

[HPLikecraft]

Here we are, a shiny new thread to help us stay dry.

Thread one has been great and supportive; and thread two will take us through further challenges and milestones. Hop aboard; you're all doing brilliantly!

Made it. Super hard tonight. Chin up to anyone who 'failed' it's just another day

I was woken at 4am by DC full of cough and cold. If I’d been drinking last night I’d have struggled, especially as I haven’t managed to go back to sleep. It’s never nice getting up at that hour, but much easier without a hangover.

I'm out as of tonight. Always planned, It's my 50th Birthday Party. Thanks OP. Wishing you all the very best. My DJ 23 wasn't completely dry, because I did go to my school friends 50th at the beginning of the month and she's now coming to mine, but in between it's been a lot drier than any other month, so at least that's something.

Confession me and DH had (or tried too anyway) have a home date night once the kids were in bed. We had a nice dine in option meal and shared some prosecco and talked. We really try to get this time together once a week as our life's are hectic and with dc1 meltdowns lasting hours at a time it's vital we support each other and get quality time together or our marriage would break down under the strain of his needs. Anyway I say tried as dc1 and dc3 woke up and came down a they didn't feel great.

My aim was to reduce my drinking significantly and I have done as I was drinking 4 sometimes 5 nights a week up to 2 glasses of wine and some nights 3. I actually have loved no hangovers or no tired morning after feeling so plan to carry it on. I don't even want a drink much now during the week so it was habitual.

Also MIL has a habit of sending us a message saying I will come over on either sat or sun. She never asks is it convenient or do we plans or even give us a set day or rough time. We are just expected to be available so this weekend I put my foot down and said me and dh already had set plans already with the dcs (we do) and DH will be here at this time on this weekend. I won't be nor will the DC's but she is welcome to visit then. We previously have ended up cancelling plans or hanging around all weekend which upsets the kids and they end up bored only for her to come and virtually ignore the kids for hours while dumping all the family drama on us or spend the whole time telling us how much better her favourite grandchild is than any others. DH agreed we shouldn't change plans as it's unfair on us and the kids but I feel having a clearer mind has given me the ability to say no this isn't convenient for us.

@Fundays12 that's amazing. Both amazing that your MIL ever thought that was ok to do, and amazing that you have put a polite foot down and said you're welcome with boundaries.

I was one who broke last night. What's interesting to me is it shows I haven't broken the association of alcohol and celebration at all - it's the first weekend of a holiday I've been longing for, I went to the pub with friends. One glass absolutely knocked me sideways and put me to sleep. I feel fuzzy and headachy.

I think that's probably me done. I've really enjoyed the thread - thank you all.

@PermanentTemporary it's interesting to hear it knocked you sideways.
I'm away with work on the 1st/2nd, so this has hardened my resolve to not crack, as we'd normally drink with dinner. I don't fancy a dire hangover when I'm away with my team, but a good look.

It's been a really interesting month. I've found it less much than I expected, which has really surprised me, as I've habitually drunk far too much at the weekends for years.
Things I've noticed -
It's so habit based, linked to activities or even something as simple as cooking
I am sleeping so much better and that's a game changer for me, as I've struggled with insomnia for years
I have more energy and I've got motivation back to do things around the house, which has been sadly lacking
I don't actually feel or look much better and I haven't lost weight, but I have been eating a lot of sugary stuff
I have enjoyed feeling fresh in the morning, I've had far too many slightly fuzzy and tired Monday mornings.
I think often I'm thirsty. I drink cordial or fizzy water really quickly. I tend to do that with wine too, so I want to slow that down and maybe alternate drinks if I can.
The positives have massively outweighed the negatives. I will probably stick with AF beer when out. I do want to go back to drinking, but my hope is I'll be much more mindful

Thanks I just thought enough is enough our plans we are not letting our kids down as we have promised them we are doing these things which they are excited about and they need to see that it's ok to set healthy boundaries and say no to people. My own mum always checks is it convenient.

One night is not a failure. You have succeeded over and over again and helped yourself create some healthier habits. It was one night not a whole month. I plan to have nosecco tonight with tonic water despite having processco last night. Healthier habits are not created or destroyed in one night. They are daily choices we make that are healthier for us. Last night you drunk but that doesn't mean you have to tonight. I walk the kids to school most days but on the odd day I take the car it wouldn't mean I have to do it the next as it's still better for me to walk them 4 days a week than no days a week

Sorry to see a few folk leaving the thread now that we’re nearing the end - I’m going to miss it!

Day 28, four days to go and 88% of the way through. I’m determined to stick it out until the bitter end, but I’m starting to feel very antsy and impatient for February 1st.

Healthier habits are not created or destroyed in one night

Well said! No one has “failed”. We all had our own goals but overall we all wanted to drink less and I believe every one of us has achieved that. That’s huge! And there’s been so much support on this thread. I couldn’t have got to where I have without it.

I’m not planning on being teetotal for the rest of my life. For me I just don’t want to ever slip back to how I was. So that means certain rules around drinking going forward. The one thing my cut down plan showed me is that I can stick to the rules if I’m serious about it. And the overall benefits to my well being have showed me that it’s well worth sticking to the rules.

Morning everyone. About time I checked in. Had some difficult things going on, but still managed to go out to a local event last night. Thought I'd struggle sober, but I was with such nice people it was fine!
Yes, we're nearly there. Just a few days left. There have been a few slip ups and a few have now departed but that's fine... I think everyone who took part benefitted, and should they try again to have some AF time then they'll find it easier.

@Oblomov22 Happy Birthday! You have done so well to reduce your drinking this month. Have a great party 🎉

I'll post again later, but oh my, this is the last weekendof DJ2023! And we can do this!

Hapy birthday, @Oblomov22 ! Enjoy those pornstar Martinis.

I'm in until the 3rd then back to the usual moderation. Having a housekeeping weekend and chilling with the cats, then going to continue watching Lockwood&Co which I am really enjoying (am saving season 3 of Happy Valley until it's complete on iPlayer).

And my stupidest cat has just managed to fall off the footstool while cleaning himself, it's comedy central here.

am drinking tonight - got a rare night out dancing - but am really pleased with how it has gone - had couple of slips - but drank way way less than I would have done and feel much better for it

I normally post my update on a Monday but just popping in in case anyone else needs a bit of solidarity. I'm here, still dry! 👋

Last night was my biggest test, a night at ours with some of our biggest 'drinking' friends. Everyone drinking, including DH who normally drinks much less than me. Hung on with my AF beers and cuppa. Enjoyed the chat and games and didn't end the evening falling asleep before they left like normal 🤣

Still planning to do February. I have been really leaning in to how good this feels. I'm also doing daily yoga for January and it's just been nice to have treats that are good for me, rather than treats that make me feel guilty afterwards. Really considering what I will do after February. I expect I'll go back to alcohol, but how much will that be a choice, rather than just 'what I do'?

Well done to everyone wrapping up or carrying on!!

Oh and forgot to say I haven't been tracking how much I have saved, but I go in for a good few bottles of wine a week and would never buy one cheaper than about £7 (much more if I'm out with friends of course) so I reckon I have saved enough for a massage. I'm going to book one in to celebrate completing Dry Jan and I'll do the same again if I finish Dry Feb!

That’s so impressive @Submariner - well done.

I’m currently eating my body weight in cake - not ideal I know but at least it’s not wine!

I'm planning to keep going to the 3rd March when we have a posh meal out booked so I am in the same boat as you.

I've also been thinking a lot about what to do after - I was considering giving myself a number of drinking days (maybe 60?) for the year so it's not forbidden but to try and prevent myself from drinking 4-5 nights a week again. I respond well to having a goal so need something to work towards.

Another one checking in for the last few days. Historically I have always ended DJ on the 28th but this year am determined to carry on until 3rd Feb. Haven't missed wine at all this week because have felt too ill to drink anyway. Feel better today, thankfully, so we shall see how I fare tonight!

Well done to everyone, whether 100% dry or hugely reducing alcohol intake over the month. Amazing achievements all round

Annoyingly my sleep has gone completely to pot again this week but I think it's been a combination of illness, perimenopause, work stresses, adrenalin rush with planning DC's birthday stuff and worrying about DM who has been ill. The joys of the sandwich generation dealing with kids and work and elderly parents! Hoping to sleep better after this weekend is done.

Checking in. Congrats to all. You have all done brilliantly. I have stuck to DJ but am struggling at the last weekend and might say sod it and have a glass of wine. If I can get past today and tomorrow I'll be OK. Planning a night out on Friday with some friends so will hope to hang on until then.

Hmm I'm still here

Cheering others on, but also definitely noticing that I'm quite strained today and got very frustrated with a couple of small snafus. It would be a lot to say that it was due to one drink last night, but it makes me feel I'd rather not drink at a party I'm going to tonight, I want to be calm tomorrow.

That in fact feels like quite a big thing, that I have realised how much alcohol potentiates the negative effect of normal stresses and strains in my life, just because I coped so much better with them in January.

I've still got another month to go to bring me to end of Dry Feb, but my Dry Jan has been a bit of a revelation tbh.

Firstly, that I could even do it at all after ten years of drinking steadily - and it's actually been nowhere near as physically or mentally challenging as I'd imagined either. I was secretly quite relieved at the outset to find I wasn't, in fact, physically dependent (i.e. no shakes, seizures, DTs or anything), and the cravings that previously felt such a 'hook' actually dialled down rather than up over the course of the month (I had originally feared that - unsatiated - they might rise up and overwhelm me). I'm not saying I haven't at times felt the pang - I have, quite strongly at times - but it has mercifully proven something I could always control rather than controlling me, IYSWIM.

Secondly, I've realised how much drinking was just 'habitual' wine o' clock drinking to cope with work stress (THE big trigger for me) - I didn't NEED it in the way I thought, and in a weird way have quite enjoyed my nights in watching (and remembering!) Scandi-dramas and with a nice cup of AF mulled wine, milky tea, hot chocolate or Horlicks. It's been boring, bland and blah for the most part - but there are certainly worse things than that. I haven't been climbing the walls desperate for a drink or anything, which was my initial fear in embarking on this.

Thirdly, I don't think I'd actually clocked just quite how bad alcohol really is for you both mentally and physically, or how silent and sudden a killer it can be. Multiple quit lit books (read about 15 in total, both memoirs and more scientific ones) have really given me a wake-up call on this front - which is why I want to do a Dry Feb as well, if only in order to give my body more of a break... Quite frankly, I'm amazed my exDH (a full-blown alcoholic of many years) is still standing at this point, given what I now know on this front - the penny certainly dropped on a LOT of his behaviours / actions in retrospect... That won't be me though, that's for sure. I'm a bit disappointed that - given all of the above - I've not really felt all that mentally or physically different myself, other than improved sleep in the last couple of weeks. That's also partly why I want to do Feb as well - perhaps I'll see some of the benefits materialise then! Though, as one poster said, hopefully I'm healthier on the inside as a result - which is what really matters..

For me, 'what's next' is a life with much pared down alcohol consumption (2 x bottles of wine over Fri - Sun) in the short term, which I now feel very confident and empowered to do. I'm very big on accountability / goal orientation (e.g. on fitness and diet), so know the app will keep me on track here. I have a big trip in March which I'm not ready to be go dry for - but really want to do 100 days at some point in future, and see how far that takes me. All those quit lit memoirs seem to herald all these wonderous, life-affirming, broad, sunlit uplands on the other side - but I'm not sure I'm convinced personally, or whether that's something I even want for myself at all (in my heart of hearts I really don't think I do, but that could be my 'wine witch' monkey brain speaking!). As per usual, I've been putting too much pressure on myself lately to decide straight away whether to go for a path of moderation vs make a play for a full-on AF life - so for now have just decided it's best just not to force it, and instead just see how 100 days in the future leads me...

I really hope we can carry on the thread for those who are pushing on a little bit longer. It's been an absolute life line.

Sorry, that ended up a bit of an essay!

It’s really interesting reading people’s reflections on DJ. For me the main benefits (in no particular order) have been:

• Better sleep: I would almost always wake in the early morning after an evening of drinking and lie awake for hours, unable to get back to sleep.

• Less anxiety: no worrying about what I might have said or done the night before, or whether I’ve lost my phone, my bank card or my keys yet again. My health anxiety - worrying whether alcohol is going to put me in an early grave - has also massively reduced.

• No more hangovers: I no longer wake up hot, sweating, dehydrated, bunged up and feeling sick with a racing heart and pounding headache.

• No more aches and pains: I no longer get these since stopping drinking, although that could be down to the passing of time rather than stopping alcohol.

• More productivity: having a much clearer head has been great for work - I’ve been far more productive and focused.

• Money saved: I’ve saved £432 this month so far from not drinking (and no doubt more if you include all the late night takeaways I’d often order when drunk to try and soak up the alcohol).

• Increased self esteem: this month has been a huge mental challenge for me, and if I can stick it out to the end I will be so darn proud of myself. I know giving up alcohol for 31 days probably doesn’t sound like much to some folk, but to me it’ll be an enormous achievement and something I never thought myself capable of doing. We still have 3.5 days to go though so I hope I’m not speaking too soon.

Having said all that, I’ll be honest and admit there have been two downsides too - the main one being that I’ve realised I don’t really enjoy social occasions without alcohol. If I were to go teetotal my social life would definitely suffer enormously. I just don’t feel like going out if I’m not drinking - it feels like a chore. Staying at home with a box set holds far more appeal to me.

The other downside is that I still miss that feeling of having a drink after a stressful day, or to celebrate good news, or with a meal or with friends.

My plan going forward is to have three nights off a week and two bottles of wine spread over the other four. I just hope I can moderate this time round because if I can’t, I may have to consider giving up altogether for the sake of my health. There’s no way I can go back to drinking 70-90 units a week again - it’s a frightening amount.

Another benefit I forgot - no more rows with DH.

Thank you! Yes, I have spectacularly failed on the healthy eating this month 😂