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Original poster

WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

177 replies

Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:18

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

  1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

  2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

  3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

  4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 02/01/2023 18:19

Just one of you go.

RedHelenB · 02/01/2023 18:19

Just your dh go.

Tamarindtree · 02/01/2023 18:19

Don’t go.

Interested in this thread?

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Families Weddings
Coffeaddict · 02/01/2023 18:20

I would say option 2. I would if a friend asked me.

XanaduKira · 02/01/2023 18:20

Just one of you go, or if you can afford the nanny option, do that.

Teafor1please · 02/01/2023 18:20

Option 1

Original poster
Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:21

FWIW I think it would go down badly if only DH went, and I would like to go.

OP posts:
CheshireCats · 02/01/2023 18:22

If you want to go- the Nanny option.

Mindymomo · 02/01/2023 18:22

We wouldn’t go, we decided if our children were not invited then we wouldn’t go.

booklovingmum · 02/01/2023 18:23

I think this one's pretty obvious, only one of you go, your DH.

If it wouldn't go down well that only one of you went well that's what happens with child free weddings.

If you'd like to go that sucks but sadly this is the life we face with kids haha

Starlightstarbright1 · 02/01/2023 18:23

Depends who it is .

Generally i have never cared about anyones wedding enough to pay mega bucks...

I would maybe consider whose family member it is going.

Heyahun · 02/01/2023 18:24

My sister had child free wedding I just left husband and daughter behind and I had a bloody great weekend away all by myself - so that’s what I’d do!

RewildingAmbridge · 02/01/2023 18:24

I think people are perfectly within their rights to have childfree weddings, but they then have to accept that summer people won't be able to go because childcare is unfeasible or unaffordable, especially when also travelling that distance. It's not like just getting a babysitter for the evening

RewildingAmbridge · 02/01/2023 18:24

*some

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 02/01/2023 18:24

I don’t have kids and I’ve looked after friends children in this situation. Ask a mate first and then, if no can do, DH goes alone.

Dilbertian · 02/01/2023 18:24

If you want to go, do you have to go for the whole thing? Could you go just for the ceremony and the wedding breakfast, and skip the evening party? That resolves the issue of overnight care, and seems a reasonable compromise.

LidlCinnamonBun · 02/01/2023 18:24

Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:21

FWIW I think it would go down badly if only DH went, and I would like to go.

They should know if the have a child free wedding then guests can’t go if they can’t get child care!

BeyondMyWits · 02/01/2023 18:25

Just one of you go. Or neither. We just didn't go to "no kids" events when we had no childcare. We were not missed, nor did we feel we missed out.

Michellexxx · 02/01/2023 18:26

Could one of you go for the ceremony, then get overnight babysitter for the other to go for the reception? Then maybe organise a friend to have the kids on the morning the following day to cut costs?

ThreeRingCircus · 02/01/2023 18:27

We had an extremely similar situation and just DH went. If it's far away, and children aren't welcome, and you have children then the bride and groom can't really be put out that you can't both attend.

Pieceofpurplesky · 02/01/2023 18:27

I have looked after friend's kids and they mine for similar situations

evemillbank · 02/01/2023 18:27

Just one of you go. Or neither goes

PuttingDownRoots · 02/01/2023 18:29

I'd consider all going, getting a baby sitter for any day time bits then either of you both leaving before evening party/8pm, or you leaving then. Overnight in a Premier Inn sort of place.

healthadvice123 · 02/01/2023 18:29

Ask friends first if no one then dh goes
No one can be put out as you have kids and therefore its not easy to attend if a childfree wedding

Pootle22 · 02/01/2023 18:30

I'd say just one of you goes. This is the consequence to the bride and groom of having a child free wedding.

In case anyone reading this is planning a child free wedding my friend did it best. She hired a few of the staff from her child's nursery to have any kids who needed to come at her house for the entire day. There were around 20 kids, they had a ball and it was close enough for parents to nip and check on them as needed. For those who had had to travel they picked the kids up at bedtime and took them onto a hotel. So well organised and doesn't alienate friends with kids.