WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

[Catingle]

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

I’d do 3 or 1.

2- not a bad option but I get the impression you don’t really know them well enough to ask

4- no, unfair on the child to take them halfway across the country and then leave them with a stranger.

No way would I be paying for childcare for that length of time, it would make the day/weekend cost far too much especially on top of travel and accommodation.

I would ask a friend or friends if they could have both or one each. If not then you stay home and tough if any family don't like it. That is the downside of a child free wedding, especially one so far away from the guests - I hope this place is local to B&G and us just far for you guys?!

I’m not wild about the idea but they’re old enough at 6 and 9 that I can phone and speak to the DC and check they’re happy, and we’ll only be a few minutes away.

Zero chance I'd be dragging my children four hours in the car to hang out with a stranger day and night in a house they've ever been before, so I can put some high heels on and go out with my husband. Not a chance.

No thanks to having 20 kids in my house or leaving my kid with nursery staff I don’t know.

I had a child free wedding. If people with kids couldn’t come, they just didn’t come and no one lost any sleep over it. Most did come though.

I would actually have your dh speak to the bride and groom, they made the rules. Ask if you could hire a babysitter for your room for part/all of it or explain your can't come as you have no sitter and see if they will make an exception

Just send your husband. Everything else is horribly expensive or unsuitable (or both).

You have children. You can't always do everything you want.

Oh ignore me! I've committed the terrible crime of not reading the whole thread

I did think about this, but it’d mean the DC and babysitter were stuck in a hotel room from midday until nighttime, with no facilities for making food, no space to run around etc. Booking a cottage separately means they’d have space and facilities. The place I have booked isn’t fancy but there’s a garden, kitchen, TV etc.

I know my children will actually quite enjoy the whole thing and consider it an adventure (unless the babysitter turns out to be an ogre). My reservations are my own confidence in an unknown babysitter and the cost of the thing.

Well you've put more time and effort into that I would have done! It's very nice of you to go to the extra expense. I would have done option 1 and if it created ant bad feeling B&G need to wise up and realise if they put obstacles in people's way then there is a good chance people will choose not to surmount those obstacles.

But then you're either hiring something much cheaper person you might not like to accommodate an the kids, or inviting fewer adults.

It wasn't as issue when we married, my niblings were teens, there was one cute little kid and no one se had started. Now if my school mate got married that's 8 kids just in our group, uni there's 10 kids in our group, there's now 7 nieces and nephews in immediate family Inc ours. It can add on huge numbers and cost.

There would have been no issue with the wedding being "child free" if MIL hadn't made such a fandango about DCs being part of the wedding party. If she hadn't done that, they could have happily be left at home with their DGPs.

Eh? Wrong thread maybe?

So the agency has found us an experienced childminder who comes with good reviews. All in 2 nights away + childminder will cost about £200 more than DH and I in a hotel for one night but I think it’ll be worth it to make a weekend of it - much less stressful than dashing there and back and there’s some fun stuff locally we can do with the DC on Sunday so it’s more of a holiday for them too.

Thanks for the input - although I’ve not gone with majority view it has helped me clarify my thinking. I’m stubborn and do like weddings so it helped me to realise that I wasn’t happy with just sending DH alone.

Well done! Sounds like a good solution all round.

Ex nanny. Go and enjoy yourselves like a mini break

Thanks, OP, we think we are going to be in a very similar position for a wedding next year and it is so useful to see the different suggestions and options laid out. You never know who else you are helping by starting this kind of conversation!

This
And as for hiring a complete stranger to look after your kids to go to a wedding I find that bizarre!!

@Catingle have a fabulous time! I love the idea of making a weekend of it. My DH never passes up the opportunity to enjoy a good wedding 😊

How is it any different to sending kids to nursery and school? First time the children go they are with complete strangers.

She's not just putting out a Facebook ad for any randomers available! Her ex Nanny was a stranger once too

Dh, unless you actually want to go then whatever

It's not comparable. It's completely different to sending children to nursery, or to school, where there are multiple members of staff and children, settling in programmes and procedures in place.

This is very different to your children spending hours day and night in a rented cottage with one adult you, or they, haven't met before.

If you both want to go, can you rent a hotel room for you all. Then one of you could attend the wedding for a few hours while the other looks after the children. Then swap over for the next few hours?