WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

[Catingle]

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

One of you goes

One or neither of you go.

With it being 4 hours away, we’d only be able to stay for the ceremony and a maybe an hour or so afterwards then have to turn round then drive back. Unless we hired a local babysitter as in option 4, but if we were doing that we may as well stay the whole evening to make it worth our while.

One if you go or both decline. I’ve declined child free weddings before. It’s fine.

Id ask a friend first and then a nanny if that fails. I wouldn’t take into consideration the fact you have an unreliable sleeper, 6 is more than old enough to stay away from you over night! Most kids behave totally differently when in new situations with other people, and if he does wake up it’s just 1 night, he will live, you can’t never have a night away without him.

I'm confused - if it's your DH's family member getting married then he's the one who should attend

You’ve completely lost be on the logistics here!

Ask the nanny to do an overnight. It's probably the safest, if most expensive option but the DC are in their own home with a trusted adult - should be the most relaxing option all round & you aren't owing anyone any favours.

Option 1 and tough luck if the couple don't like it because they've not given you much of an option. It's their choice to have a child free wedding but they can't complain if people can't attend due to childcare difficulties.

Yes, I mean it would be me who stays home, not me who goes!

What about a combo of 2 and 3. So the nanny has them for the over night but he goes to a friend's until evening to cut the cost.

And if you do go with the Nanny option, make sure you and DH have a bloody great time of it! ;)

I would RSVP that only your DH can go due to not having anyone for the children.
Bride and grooms fault if family complains as you don't have many options.

The ex nanny overnight is probably the best option or friends if you really want to go as the children know them. The nanny might be best if the child doesn't sleep as your paying them but children have a habit of sleeping better for other people than parents!

is the wedding in a hotel and can you get a suite in that hotel? if so, option 4 would be good.

if not, option 1.

I’d do option 1.

Only DH go.
Presumably you have no family on your side who can come and stay the weekend to look after them?

What do his family expect you to do with the DC if they're aware there's no family to look after them?

He gives a shit if they are miffed if husband goes without you. This is the choice they are making to have no kids so tough shit on them.

We would have no one to babysit for a weekend, and I would refuse to spend out £££ on a nanny for the weekend. You could be looking at about £500 for that alone with 24 hour care! Then travelling costs, hotel costs, outfits, gifts etc..... no way am I spending over £1000 to attend a wedding. Fuck that.

Send DH alone.

You and the kids have a fun day - possibly including (weather and garden permitting) some sort of tent marquee in the garden with cake.

Option 1

I’ve had friends look after my kids in this situation. I’d do it for them too if they asked.
or just one of you go. I wouldn’t be too keen on an unknown babysitter.

Friends babysit till tea time then the nanny collects from friends and has them overnight.
Our family are all far away so we only do friends babysitting but the lack of reciprocation wouldn’t bother us/them

You want to go. I'd go nanny

Option 1, DH goes alone. You say it would be frowned upon if you don't go too, but the bride and groom need to appreciate they've made it difficult for you by making the wedding child-free.

It’s a country house with rooms that’s been hired for exclusive use by the B&G - unfortunately the child-free element extends to the entire thing, so although we could stay at the house, the kids couldn’t. Which is annoying as that was what I thought would be the most viable option.

Neither of you should go. It’s ridiculous to invite parents but not children, when it’s close family.