WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

[Catingle]

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

I don't understand 'child free' weddings, you will always be excluding family members who can't get childcare. I don't have kids but if I was to marry, everyone would be invited.
I wouldn't go, if they're excluding your kids, simply don't go.

We had a child free wedding as did the majority of our friends. We didn’t have family in the same country to ask to babysit so we asked friends to have DT’s or we asked our regular babysitter (she was one of the staff at their nursery).

My brother did this at his wedding so we didn't go. I didn't have anyone to look after ds.

We were in this situation when ours were smaller. We ended up taking them to the hotel, staying in a family room and booking a Babysitter from an agency to sit with the children. DH and I took it in turns to pop back for a little while here and there. It worked well for us.

If I'd invited everyone with children to my wedding it would have been 70+ children. SEVENTY. I had zero interest in my wedding becoming a glorified children's party.

Because sometimes people want a different atmosphere? I had a child free wedding because in my immediate family alone I would've had 20 under 5's, not my idea of fun to have someone crying during the ceremony or speeches and young children on the dance floor. Ugh. Now that I have DC myself I still feel the same, probably even moreso! I can see it makes it difficult to get a sitter for some, and they don't HAVE to go There's no way I'd want to take my DC. I want to relax, let my hair down and spend it with husband and other adults

If it's DH family wedding could someone from your side of the family either come to your house and stay with your children or come to the wedding accom and stay with your children? I understand they may not live in the same area as you but is there no one from your family who could do this?

2 if you want to go

To be honest I could understand the dilemma if your children were younger but they're 6 and 9! I'd arrange a sleepover for each of them with their best friends and go to the wedding.

Have a practise run before the wedding - get the kids friends to stay at yours too so they're all used to the idea of a sleepover.

At 6 and 9 you really should be able to leave them overnight.

This is actually a good point, at those ages they should be fine. Great idea, and you can offer to friends to do the same. Win for friends parents too!

You could all go - look into gett8ng a nanny/childminder to come during day/evening & look after your child. Lots of childcare workers do this as well as regular babysitting. Would mean you can enjoy wedding but not be too far away in case of any problems. Local Facebook pages are often full of recommendations for people & hotel itself may have someone who offers the service. As l9ng as you go for someone registered you should be fine. Could also ask 8f any other guests are in same position & possibly book someone together.

@Judgyjudgy Both times I've been married () has been while I was a parent and still I had childfree weddings each time (other than my own kids...) Being a parent did not change how I felt about having a wedding overrun with kids!

This!

Either option 1, or as a PP says, just go for the day time bit.

I don’t want to make this a pro/anti child-free wedding thing. It is what it is.

i’ve been researching places to stay and found somewhere we could all stay for 2 nights that’s reasonably priced and can be cancelled without charge until the week before, so I think I will book that and see if I can get a sitter through an agency.

I don’t love the idea of leaving them with an unknown sitter but I know it won’t bother them, they love new people. I know someone who used to do screening interviews for one of the big online sitting sites and it was a through process.

If we leave them near home we have to leave by 8 am and still have no contingency to get to the ceremony in time. And we’re 4 hours away from the children iif there’s any issues.

FWIW, they shouldn't have chosen to have a child free wedding if they wanted you both there.

Sadly there’s no one on my side I could reasonably ask.

Believe me we have been trying to sort out the 6yo’s sleep issues. They’d both love the idea of a sleepover but I know he won’t sleep through unless he’s next to me or DH. It’s knowing we’d be asking a friend to have them for about 30 hours AND endure a disrupted night’s sleep feels like asking a lot.

but I know he won’t sleep through unless he’s next to me or DH.

You 100% do not no this as you haven’t tried! The option you’ve gone with sounds fine, but you’ll have to let him go one day OP, especially if he wants a sleepover.

Don't go.

If they cared about you or your husband being there, it wouldn't be childfree.

It's not fair to impose on your friends without good reason.

I wouldn't go.
It's a massive inconvenience.

I would either just go alone or hire your ex nanny and take her with you

Oh I could fill an entire new thread about his sleep issues. It’s a work in progress but I can’t guarantee we’ll have fixed it by the time the wedding comes around.

In a similar situation (having to travel so far and leave our kids behind to attend), we didn't go. There was no-one to watch them near the wedding venue, I'm not leaving them with strangers.

I would ask a friend to stay at yours and treat them to a dinner whilst their there for the trouble. Kids are in their own beds and they get a nice meal out of it. I would do it for a friend! That way you and DH can make a day and evening out of it too. x

This is a fab idea too. Get a trial run in before the night away ☺️