WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

[Catingle]

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

For all the people saying they won't go in this situation, I think if you have an option to make it work, just suck it up. It's not a personal attack to not have children at their wedding.

I understand some just don't have friends/family or can't afford babysitters etc and that's fine but the bloody minded inflexibility is ridiculous.

I think you want to go, so have you looked into option 4 fully? You say there are lots of children in the family, is the wedding venue near to these families? Would they have a babysitter that they know and would recommend nearby?

Could you take your ex nanny to an apartment with you?

If you're close enough to want to go, price up the ex nanny. She knows them, she knows you, she'll likely have experience albeit with other kids.

Next option would local babysit, but via an agency. Then at least they're as checked and referenced as they can be.

Sorry no way I'd babysit for you as a mate. Two kids it tricky in terms of sleeping space, you've got a bad sleeper who likes cosleeping (how do you feel about her climbing into bed with your mate and her partner?) l, your HOURS away if they can't cope and it'll be harder on them I na strange home with strange rules and other kids.

Just one go. We're having to do this for DH friends wedding in July. We have family close by but we have 3 under 3 so too much of an ask for an overnight 🤷‍♀️ just pay off having kids

Nanny if you want to go and will have a great time. DH only if you are not bothered

Just DH goes would be the logical solution. If you have a child free wedding (fair enough) you have to accept people with kids might not be able to come. The other option would be for you both to just go to the ceremony and be back home by the evening. You could leave the kids with friend or nanny, but just for the day. Probably only doable if you both drive.

Leaving them with an unknown babysitter seems the least sensible option tbh, I'm surprised you favour it.

Well yes but you can claim childcare difficulties. In a few years the bride will understand!

Or another option- can the children come to the evening do but not the main reception? Is it a cost saving thing?

Easily Option 1. If I was worried about the children I would have an awful time, and if they are 4 hours away there is nothing you can do. Fine if you know they will be ok, but if you don’t I would always put my kids first before someone’s wedding. If you chose a child free wedding it’s something you have to understand.
( No issue with child free weddings or people leaving kids to go to them, it’s just in this situation seems the only reasonable option really)

Option 4 is great of you can afford it and can get a reputable babysitter through agency ,

They're not invited, that's very clear. They're not even able to stay in the accommodation.

Option 2 as first choice
Option 1 as fall back

Would there be a close enough hotel where you and DH could swap? Spend a few hours each at the wedding?
Alternatively, large hotels often have a list of regular babysitters. I used to do this in my 20's. Might be an option?

I could understand "neither of you have to go" but telling op they shouldn't go seems a bit ridiculous. For some people child free is a deal breaker but it isn't wrong to go out and do stuff without them!!

It's ridiculous to invite 20 kids of friends and family you hardly know and have to not invite 20 adults you care about because the kids took up the numbers.
It's ridiculous to not invite anyone with kids because you can't invite kids and parents and kids should never be alone.
It's ridiculous to expect or demand attendance by anyone besides the bride or groom.
It isn't ridiculous to give people a choice to come or not.

Why will she understand in a few years? Her kids might be 20, she might never want any, she might be perfect capable of understanding the logistics of childcare without procreation herself, it's perfectly possible that's its the rest of the family esp parents who'll be unhappy, who clearly HAVE had their own kids.

Option 1 or 2 for me.

Only one of you goes, or neither. If people have child free events they have to accept that some people with children won't be attending. It's not rocket science.

Most expensive but least stressful option, drive the morning of wedding, rent a 2 room airbnb or 2 rooms in a hotel near the venue and bring your ex nanny with you. The kids will be nearby with someone they know.

Do any family live near where the wedding is being held who recommend someone for do option 4? As it does seem the most "easy". Or would a friend and kids fancy coming for the couple of days make a weekend of it and they just do the watching your kids during the wedding and you watch theirs the following day/evening? Rent a bigger place?

Option 1.

They do - and are practically never as upset as people like to think they'll be when someone declines an invite! I had a childfree wedding and as has been said before, it's an invite not a summons, if you can't come, you can't come.

DH would go alone in our family. Then they would have a good time knowing the kids were happy and well rather than you both being 4 hours away and likely worrying about the kids. Better one person has a great time and celebrates fully than two distracted guests.

I agree.

It’s not going to be an enjoyable experience if you’re worrying about your kids and I definitely wouldn’t leave them with someone we’ve never met.
Plus babysitters can cancel.

Tell DH to go on his own and have a fun time without the worry.

If you can afford number 4 and like the idea could you afford for your ex-nanny to go and be the babysitter? Then it’s not someone they don’t know. Or alternatively do a split sleepover and play date as someone else suggested but have the nanny do one half? Rather than having to find two willing friends?