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Original poster

WWYD - childcare option for child free wedding?

177 replies

Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:18

Close family member is having a child free wedding this year. All of our family who might conceivably babysit our two children (6 and 9) will be at the wedding. Wedding is on a Saturday about 4 hours drive from our house. 6yo has never spent a night away from both DH and I and isn’t a great sleeper (nearly always ends up coming into our bed at night).

Which of these would you do?

  1. Only one of us attends the the wedding (it’s DH’s side of family so that would be me)

  2. Ask one of our friends with kids same age to have our children from breakfast time on Saturday until lunchtime Sunday. Feels like a big ask, esp as our youngest is an unreliable sleeper. Our local friends all have local family so unlikely they’d ever take us up on offer to reciprocate.

  3. Our ex-nanny might do an overnight for us, but it’ll cost us £££ for her to have them all weekend, and she’s never had them overnight.

  4. Bring children with us and hire a local babysitter to have them for roughly 12 hours (midday to midnight) on day of wedding. But we’d never have met the babysitter before, and we’d probably need to rent an apartment for 2 nights rather than a hotel room for 1 so all in all £££.

Or something else I’ve not thought of?

OP posts:
Exasperatednow · 02/01/2023 18:45

Ask a good friend. Your 6 year old might rise to the occasion. Children often do better than you think they would.

Original poster
Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:46

talkingmorenonsense · 02/01/2023 18:43

Neither of you should go. It’s ridiculous to invite parents but not children, when it’s close family.

On one side of the family there are LOADS of young children so I can see the rationale, even if they just did children of close family there would be about a dozen.

OP posts:
paiop · 02/01/2023 18:48

I think it's fine to have a wedding that's child free but when it's family I think an exception should be made.
I would decline the invitation and state the reason. They then have the ability to make an exception for your children or to say oh what a shame.

Interested in this thread?

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Families Weddings
WTF475878237NC · 02/01/2023 18:49

Ask a friend. Before I had kids I did this for them. It's no big deal if the six year old doesn't sleep well for one night. It's a one off and a good friend won't mind plonking cartoons on for them!

If not then the Nanny.

Original poster
Catingle · 02/01/2023 18:49

Exasperatednow · 02/01/2023 18:45

Ask a good friend. Your 6 year old might rise to the occasion. Children often do better than you think they would.

I should say the children will, I expect, be fine with any of the arrangements. It’s more I feel that it’s a lot to ask of a friend given they’re not the kind of kids who will just be tucked up by 7pm and sleep for 12 hours.

OP posts:
scaffoldee · 02/01/2023 18:49

As there are so many family children they should just have a crèche! That's what we did and it worked great

emmathedilemma · 02/01/2023 18:49

1 or 3, I wouldn’t leave them with an unknown babysitter if you could have a nanny who knows them well stay over.

DDivaStar · 02/01/2023 18:49

If you have friends who you and thd kids are close to then 2. Caveat it by saying you completely understand if they'd rather not. We had a similar situation with 1 dd and did this bit there was probably only 2 families I felt I coikd ask.

If not and you can afford nanny then go for it.

If neither of those options work you'll have to stay home. The bride and groom will just have to understand a child free wedding makes attendance difficult for families.

WTF475878237NC · 02/01/2023 18:50

Another idea. Could you send them on two separate sleepovers then have someone else look after them in the day?

RememberNancyDrew · 02/01/2023 18:50

Went to one once at a church where the couple provided child care - they hired the church child care employees to watch the children in the church nursery during the ceremony. Had to have been at least 20-25 children. So, yes babysitters were strangers but they were just in another part of the building.

RomainingCalm · 02/01/2023 18:51

If you're prepared to throw money at it I would consider taking the nanny with me.

Nanny has the children all day and depending on the venue can take them out. They put them to bed and stay with them until you come back to the room. Nanny has their own room for the night.

crosstalk · 02/01/2023 18:54

I'd do a rehearsal - eg ask friend if your 6 y o can stay with them (with you on hand to pick him up), Ditto nanny if you can afford it . Good trial run for a six year old so you can actually get him free of you a bit ahead of sleep overs etc.

staherts · 02/01/2023 18:58

Nanny, if you can afford it. You want to go, so don’t be a martyr and miss the wedding. The children know the nanny and I assume you trust him/her, so that seems to make the most sense. You are also paying them so if the sleep isn’t ideal, it won’t feel as bad as if a friend who was doing you a favour had a bad night. Otherwise, I’d try a local friend.

toocold54 · 02/01/2023 18:59

I think just your DH should go.

Any other option is not going to be so easy to sort - DCs may be upset, babysitter or friend may cancel last minute etc and I just think it’ll be way too stressful.

It’ll be better if you make a plan now and everyone knows what they’re doing.

I would do the same for all child-free weddings.
Who ever family it is goes and the other parent stays home with the DC.

rookiemere · 02/01/2023 19:07

Do you want to go to the wedding?
If you're not bothered then simply don't go, it's ridiculous to expect people to pay hundreds of pounds on childcare simply to go to a wedding.

Coffeellama · 02/01/2023 19:08

rookiemere · 02/01/2023 19:07

Do you want to go to the wedding?
If you're not bothered then simply don't go, it's ridiculous to expect people to pay hundreds of pounds on childcare simply to go to a wedding.

She said she wants to go

Puckthemagicdragon · 02/01/2023 19:08

If you have money to fix the problem, bring nanny with you. If not, leave with friends. Make it a big fun exciting thing for the six year old - an adventure sleepover. It's one night. If it's a disaster it really isn't the end of the world

Original poster
Catingle · 02/01/2023 19:09

WTF475878237NC · 02/01/2023 18:50

Another idea. Could you send them on two separate sleepovers then have someone else look after them in the day?

Dividing it into a separate playdate and sleepover could work - it’s a bit less to ask if any one friend.

OP posts:
MarvelMrs · 02/01/2023 19:15

DH would go alone in our family. Then they would have a good time knowing the kids were happy and well rather than you both being 4 hours away and likely worrying about the kids. Better one person has a great time and celebrates fully than two distracted guests.

Chippy1234 · 02/01/2023 19:16

If you have a child free wedding some people won’t be able to go. That is something you need to accept.

However don’t do what a friend did and turn up anyway with your child stating that you couldn’t get any child care and you really wanted to come to the wedding - so here they were….

She literally made it all about her and her child. It was a horrible thing to do and I am sure you won’t be doing this!

Cococomellon · 02/01/2023 19:17

Not sure but we have a similar situation where we are invited to a reception but our our family are away so can't babysit. Not sure what we will do but would like to go!

baublesandbreakdowns · 02/01/2023 19:17

I would do 2 or 3. Your child is old enough to spend a night away from you.

If you go for the friend option, could you talk to the parent and ask if they could go to them for a practice run?

Re the nanny, if they had a good relationship with them and you can afford that, it's a good option. You could plan something really nice for them to do together which means he's got something to look forward to as well and also a distraction from you being away.

Original poster
Catingle · 02/01/2023 19:18

Interesting that no one has voted for option 4 - I quite like that idea. Although we need to pay for 2 night’s accommodation it’s less stressful as we can arrive the night before and have breakfast with the kids and get ready in a relaxed fashion (rather than stress of any delay on the 4 hour drive meaning we miss the ceremony), don’t need to leave them overnight and we can have the morning together before we all have to drive home. Main downside is of course leaving them all afternoon/evening with someone they’ve never met - the DC wouldn’t be bothered by that at all, it’s more for us feeling apprehensive leaving them with someone unknown.

OP posts:
nottheoptics · 02/01/2023 19:19

1 or 2. Never 4!

booklovingmum · 02/01/2023 19:19

Catingle · 02/01/2023 19:18

Interesting that no one has voted for option 4 - I quite like that idea. Although we need to pay for 2 night’s accommodation it’s less stressful as we can arrive the night before and have breakfast with the kids and get ready in a relaxed fashion (rather than stress of any delay on the 4 hour drive meaning we miss the ceremony), don’t need to leave them overnight and we can have the morning together before we all have to drive home. Main downside is of course leaving them all afternoon/evening with someone they’ve never met - the DC wouldn’t be bothered by that at all, it’s more for us feeling apprehensive leaving them with someone unknown.

It just seems like a lot of money and doesn't seem worthwhile personally, but if you can afford it and you like that idea, just do that?