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Original poster

Is this racist?

138 replies

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:13

My DD has just been approached by an older (than her) male after parking her car to pop into a shop, she was still in the car.

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

For transparency, DD looks typically Middle Eastern dark olive skin, dark eyes, very long dark hair but is white. She has an accent typical for our area.

He was being a racist shit, yes?

She saw him walk into his house and I want to go confront him.

OP posts:
Alreadyxmas · 29/12/2022 17:15

What do you mean confront him? What exactly do you plan to say?

FrankTheCondor · 29/12/2022 17:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Lenald · 29/12/2022 17:17

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:13

My DD has just been approached by an older (than her) male after parking her car to pop into a shop, she was still in the car.

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

For transparency, DD looks typically Middle Eastern dark olive skin, dark eyes, very long dark hair but is white. She has an accent typical for our area.

He was being a racist shit, yes?

She saw him walk into his house and I want to go confront him.

Yes sounds racist but he wasn’t abusive or hasn’t done anything illegal so what do you plan to confront him about & how?

Original poster
PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:17

Alreadyxmas · 29/12/2022 17:15

What do you mean confront him? What exactly do you plan to say?

Something along the lines of “what the fuck are you approaching a lone young woman and asking if she’s foreign for”?

OP posts:
YouWouldNotBelieveIt · 29/12/2022 17:18

Seriously? Over-reaction there.

VladmirsPoutine · 29/12/2022 17:18

In all this the thing you're not concerned about is your daughter opening her car door?

Changingplace · 29/12/2022 17:18

Weird racist overtones to ask someone if they’re foreign for no good reason, but I wouldn’t confront him, let it go.

Spellegrin · 29/12/2022 17:19

Don't be ridiculous. You are obviously a divisive trouble maker posting this query. How is asking "are you foreign?" an issue.

Cas112 · 29/12/2022 17:20

I think your slightly over reacting in regards to him being racist but definitely teach your daughter not to open her car door to a strange man

Lenald · 29/12/2022 17:20

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:17

Something along the lines of “what the fuck are you approaching a lone young woman and asking if she’s foreign for”?

Show quote history

To ask if she has enough space to get out. If you go round like that he’ll probably call the police and you’ll be in trouble.

Nancywhiskey · 29/12/2022 17:20

Probably fancies her.

Cas112 · 29/12/2022 17:20

Cas112 · 29/12/2022 17:20

I think your slightly over reacting in regards to him being racist but definitely teach your daughter not to open her car door to a strange man

Not that you can over react to being racist I meant I don't think the question was haha

Original poster
PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:21

I’m just scared and pissed off that dd was made to feel vulnerable on a dark street by a strange man asking (in essence) her ethnicity/nationality.

OP posts:
Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:22

I think I'd be more bothered by the whole weird older male approaching my daughter part than him asking if she's foreign.

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 17:22

Spellegrin · 29/12/2022 17:19

Don't be ridiculous. You are obviously a divisive trouble maker posting this query. How is asking "are you foreign?" an issue.

How is asking "are you foreign" NOT an issue? Ever? What does it even mean? Foreign to where? What makes a person "foreign"? And how is it ever your business?

Original poster
PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:22

I know if I confront him about why he asked that specifically his answer would be racist. There’s literally no valid to ask that question in that context.

OP posts:
BasiliskStare · 29/12/2022 17:24

Honestly I would leave this . Depending on where he was parked (ie could he back up a bit to make it easier - that's not a bad comment - the other stuff is very ill advised but I would not make a scene about it to be honest

MagpiePi · 29/12/2022 17:24

Maybe he thought she didn’t understand what he’d said the first time and he didn’t pick up on her local accent, so was going to explain more clearly if English wasn’t her first language?
How is confronting him going to help? Are you going to set up a vigilante group and roam the streets until you find him?

Lenald · 29/12/2022 17:24

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:21

I’m just scared and pissed off that dd was made to feel vulnerable on a dark street by a strange man asking (in essence) her ethnicity/nationality.

Trying to understand but I can’t. He asked her a couple questions and walked off, is that it?

Triffid1 · 29/12/2022 17:25

Sounds more sexist to me. Assumed she couldn't park/pull out. The random query re being foreign was weird but also more likely to be a dodgy attempt at a chat up line - also sexist because older men shouldn't be doing that to very young women. As the mother of a very Mediterranean-looking daughter whose many female aunts and cousins have told me (and I've witnessed it tok) how much they get inappropriate comments and propositions due to being "exotic" looking, I am dreading dd having to face even more of the relentless male approaches and harassment than I did when I was young.

JaneJeffer · 29/12/2022 17:25

Don't be daft

MagpiePi · 29/12/2022 17:27

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:22

I know if I confront him about why he asked that specifically his answer would be racist. There’s literally no valid to ask that question in that context.

You’ve already decided the answer to your question, why are you asking for opinions on here?

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 17:29

People have often asked if I'm foreign (I am but second generation). It's usually just them being intruiged and I'm not usually offended unless someone said something like "oi you ugly foreign shit head, go back to your country". Now that's quite racist.

FrankTheCondor · 29/12/2022 17:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

MotherOfRatios · 29/12/2022 17:32

OP Mumsnet isn't the best place for discussion racism you'll get a lot of people invalidating her experience.

it's a microaggression and it's wrong