Is this racist?

[PinkyU]

My DD has just been approached by an older (than her) male after parking her car to pop into a shop, she was still in the car.

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

For transparency, DD looks typically Middle Eastern dark olive skin, dark eyes, very long dark hair but is white. She has an accent typical for our area.

He was being a racist shit, yes?

She saw him walk into his house and I want to go confront him.

That was obvious from your lack of understanding what a microaggression is.

Let me check this- DD is fine. He didn't do anything to her and asked her if she's foreign?
Yeah, This stuff will happen and going up to him to confront him will make you look like you want a fight. If anything that will just entice more aggression from him. Just leave it. Nothing to say here.

The song is Englishman in New York, and the word foreign does not appear in the lyrics.

Yeah, the brown person who's sick of being asked if they are foreign has a "chip on her shoulder". Heard that before...more "how dare you get annoyed at racists being racist" victim blaming.

Loving all the white people telling poc that they've got it wrong on racism. Why don't you tell us how "but where are you really from?" isn't racist either?

Nothing personal was said to you and yet you are trying to judge my position as a mother and include my children.

Says more about you hun. Feel bad for you.

I am curious as to how this is a microaggression please?

I have a white colleague from an Eastern European country. She has an accent that is hard to place because she has been in the UK a long time. What is wrong with asking her if she is foreign?

Also, I struggle to see what is wrong with asking a black person where they come from if they have an accent I can't place. Please can you explain?

He sounds ignorant but sadly that is not a crime. He asked if she had enough space and then sounds like he was trying to keep the conversation going in a clumsy way. Don’t confront him, you’ll make trouble for your family, you can’t confront every Pratt your dd comes across as you’ll be fighting every day of your life. .

OK so I'm 'foreign' and I get asked if I am a lot, it's not racists and I've never been offended by it. Posters saying the question doesn't make sense 'foreign to what' well if we're in the UK then obviously foreign to the UK 🙄🙄 let's not be so sensitive... Can people not speak to each other anymore, strangers can't ask you a questions, really? Plus do you really think it is a good idea to go round to a strangers home to 'confront him' over what exactly, plus you don't know this person or his temperament and how he'll react.

Is he white?

Foreign is a bit of an odd word for me. Doesn't sit entirely comfortably but also, it's just a way of asking a person if they originate from a different country.

If I meet a person who has an obviously different ethnicity, I generally don't ask because...why? Makes no odds. If they tell me I'll enjoy a conversation about their ethnic origin.

What's wrong with it is what do you mean by foreign? She's been in the UK a long time. It's her home. What does it matter to you where she is from? What difference does it make to you, or to how you interact with her. What purpose does it serve other to let her know that you think she is Other, not like you, not belonging?

And why would you ask a black person where they are from either? Why do you need to place their accent? What FOR?

Think what the synonyms for foreign are...external, exotic, non native, unfamiliar.

Come back to me when you've spent your whole life veing asked where are your from, in your own country of birth, because you don't look like peoiple think you should, ie you're now white enough.

NOT white enough

I am English however i learnt to drive in another country and learnt to drive on the right. I am dreadful at parking I think as a result of where i leant. I suspect that was the meaning behind the question.

I've been asked if I am foreign quite often in life due to moving around and an accompanying weird accent, can't say I've ever been offended by it, but then I don't find there to be a negative or positive answer to the question so maybe thats why.

She should not have opened the door, Id stress this.

Your OP said your daughter ended the conversation with 'no, bye then' and walked off. Do you mean he walked off? As she was sat in the car and he presumably was blocking the exit for her and stopping her ending the conversation by moving away? This sounds like a vulnerable position for her to be in, especially as you go on to say the street was dark / quiet. It sounds like he decided against any further action but I don't like the sound of the setup. Window down a little in future if you need to speak to someone you don't know and keep doors locked when driving.

I agree that the comment smacks of asking people where they're from but in all honesty rereading this I think that's not the issue I'd be worrying myself with here.

It completely depends on the intention of the person and the way they ask. Ice had people say to me- "where are you originally from" or "are you foreign" but it comes from a place of genuine interest and intruige. I've rarely had someone be rude and ask me if I'm foreign- that's usually people who give dirty looks when I speak in a foreign language and talk amongst themselves

*I've not ice

@KousaMahshi I suppose its because I know the reason behind me asking...its because I'm interested in people. Its no more or less than that. I'm never thinking "she's other" or "different" or "not like me". I'm thinking "I wonder where you're from because you have an accent" and that's it, no malice or hate behind it, just curiosity really.

My mother is an immigrant to this country too and has been here longer than in her country of birth. She's white but people ask her where she's from because of her accent. No more or less than that.

I'd be more concerned that he was trying to proposition and harass her.

White skin but dark hair and eyes. Our son also often get asked if he’s Arabic (he’s not) and finds it a bit funny. Daughter is very often assumed she is English or Irish because she is very pale.

You know that, they don't. What they might well hear, what I hear is "I am pointing out that you are different and not from here" and I'm wondering why you are pointing that out and why it could possibly matter. Why is my background something you need to highlight?

@KousaMahshi because in my experience people generally like talking about themselves and their backgrounds.

You said. :I’m just scared and pissed off that dd was made to feel vulnerable on a dark street by a strange man asking (in essence) her ethnicity/nationality.

So you are not worried she opened her door to a strange man and was stupid to put herself in a more vulnerable position and could have been sexually assaulted and he could have been trying to gain her trust.
Unbelievable

I actually think he was criticising her parking/driving. By asking if she had enough space, when you said she clearly did, and then by asking if she’s foreign - indicating she doesn’t know the roads/Highway Code/how to drive in uk.

in my experiecnce poc are fucking sick of being asked to define and explain our ethnicity to complete strangers for either their own amusement or so they can decide if we pass enough

Also maybe he likes foreign women and was trying to gain her trust all dodgy but twisted by you to something else, instead of having a go at your daughter for not ignoring him and driving off with out talking to him.
Do you not see how predictors gain women's trust

As part of my job I need to tick box loads of things. One of them is ethnicity. It's literally data collection. As is their sexuality and employment status.

These are questions I should be asking, I generally don't and tick 'unknown'.

Probably shouldn't admit that in case any bosses read here and have sussed who I am 😁

Yes, before we finish this assessment, can you tell me your family ethnicity back to 1800, who you fancy and your inside leg measurement?

Thanks, appreciated.