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Original poster

Is this racist?

138 replies

PinkyU · 29/12/2022 17:13

My DD has just been approached by an older (than her) male after parking her car to pop into a shop, she was still in the car.

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

For transparency, DD looks typically Middle Eastern dark olive skin, dark eyes, very long dark hair but is white. She has an accent typical for our area.

He was being a racist shit, yes?

She saw him walk into his house and I want to go confront him.

OP posts:
MrsJBaptiste · 29/12/2022 18:57

No, not at all racist 🙄

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 18:57

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 18:53

in my experiecnce poc are fucking sick of being asked to define and explain our ethnicity to complete strangers for either their own amusement or so they can decide if we pass enough

Show quote history

I honestly don't think the majority of people are doing it for either of those reasons though @KousaMahshi I really don't.

I hope you have a good evening.

BakedTattie · 29/12/2022 18:58

KousaMahshi - you don’t speak for everyone though. My husband is foreign and he loves being asked where he’s from as he gets to talk about his home country. And before you ask, no he’s not white. you seem so angry and I think it’s because YOU think it’s wrong, not everyone does. You don’t decide for everyone.

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 19:01

Being angry about racism is not somehting to be ashamed of. But you know itsjust another trope isn't it? The angry woc being told to pipe down as she's too loud.

bellac11 · 29/12/2022 19:02

Notice how one poster has managed to make this thread all about them. Narcissistic

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:03

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 18:44

@KousaMahshi I suppose its because I know the reason behind me asking...its because I'm interested in people. Its no more or less than that. I'm never thinking "she's other" or "different" or "not like me". I'm thinking "I wonder where you're from because you have an accent" and that's it, no malice or hate behind it, just curiosity really.

My mother is an immigrant to this country too and has been here longer than in her country of birth. She's white but people ask her where she's from because of her accent. No more or less than that.

There's nothing wrong in asking people. I do the same actually. I'm foreign (2nd gen) and so is my husband (1st gen) and I'm interested in people's cultures and backgrounds. It's all about the intent. Simply asking for being interested doesn't mean its racism.

BakedTattie · 29/12/2022 19:07

KousaMahshi You sound the most racist. Bloody hell.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:09

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 19:01

Being angry about racism is not somehting to be ashamed of. But you know itsjust another trope isn't it? The angry woc being told to pipe down as she's too loud.

None of us are happy about racism on this post and I'm sure we can all agree on that.

The question here is whether asking someone about their background has a racist implication. You'd really have to be in the situation to feel what the intention is but most people do ask out of curiosity. The pp said her mother is foreign so she clearly isn't being racist when being interested in people's backgrounds but you are still questioning her motives for asking.

No point us all getting irate at each other as I'm pretty sure no one here is racist!

KousaMahshi · 29/12/2022 19:14

BakedTattie · 29/12/2022 19:07

KousaMahshi You sound the most racist. Bloody hell.

I sound the most racist for pointing out other people being racist? Please explain, as you appear to be saying that "racist" is a race of people.
To be clear, I do not like racists. Only on MN does this make me a bad person somehow.

Middle class white women calling WOC racist for calling out racism. No wonder the newspapers laugh at you so much

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:15

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MissingMoominMamma · 29/12/2022 19:17

Oh my gosh, the excuses for racism being made on this thread! I’m white British and even I can see them 🤦‍♀️.

Iceballoon · 29/12/2022 19:23

@MissingMoominMamma

Same here, disgusting isn’t it?

I made a comment but MNHQ deleted it, apparently I broke the rules.

It’s a real shame that everyone here is a mother!

BrownEyedGhoul · 29/12/2022 19:32

MissingMoominMamma · 29/12/2022 19:17

Oh my gosh, the excuses for racism being made on this thread! I’m white British and even I can see them 🤦‍♀️.

Yeah it's crazy isn't it? I was going to say casual racism but they're really going out of their way so its not that casual.....

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:32

Iceballoon · 29/12/2022 19:23

@MissingMoominMamma

Same here, disgusting isn’t it?

I made a comment but MNHQ deleted it, apparently I broke the rules.

It’s a real shame that everyone here is a mother!

Some posters on here are child free, fathers or grandparents.

Iceballoon · 29/12/2022 19:35

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:32

Some posters on here are child free, fathers or grandparents.

Show quote history

☹️

Racism angers me, I’m surprised they this thread hasn’t been deleted.

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:35

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:09

None of us are happy about racism on this post and I'm sure we can all agree on that.

The question here is whether asking someone about their background has a racist implication. You'd really have to be in the situation to feel what the intention is but most people do ask out of curiosity. The pp said her mother is foreign so she clearly isn't being racist when being interested in people's backgrounds but you are still questioning her motives for asking.

No point us all getting irate at each other as I'm pretty sure no one here is racist!

Show quote history

You simply don't ask people's heritage or ethnicity like that man ever.

It is not only rude but racist regardless of your own intention.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:37

Iceballoon · 29/12/2022 19:23

@MissingMoominMamma

Same here, disgusting isn’t it?

I made a comment but MNHQ deleted it, apparently I broke the rules.

It’s a real shame that everyone here is a mother!

That's because I was defending someone who made a joke about their cat and just said to lighten up a bit. The joke was not racist and (as a foreigner) I didn't take it that way.
I'm proud of my heritage.
You then proceeded to start on me and tell me that you feel sorry for my children For having a sense of humour and called me names for laughing at a joke...

The amount of vitriol on this thread and personal attacks towards people is rather astounding.

Apparently me saying "it's a joke, lighten up" is enough to warrant you telling me that I'm pathetic and you feel sorry for my children. I said nothing personal to you at all!

I've suffered with PND and horrible self loathing feelings so your comments genuinely hurt me when you said them. I will genuinely not allow myself to be bullied and attacked and if I see someone else being called names, I will also defend them!

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 19:40

@Reugny in your mind is it rude/racist to ask a white (foreign) person with an accent where they are from?

I am just trying to understand where you are coming from with this POV.

BrownEyedGhoul · 29/12/2022 19:43

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 19:40

@Reugny in your mind is it rude/racist to ask a white (foreign) person with an accent where they are from?

I am just trying to understand where you are coming from with this POV.

Yes, it's rude either way.

I really don't see what people aren't getting.

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 19:43

@BrownEyedGhoul what do you think is rude about it please?

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:45

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:35

You simply don't ask people's heritage or ethnicity like that man ever.

It is not only rude but racist regardless of your own intention.

Show quote history

"Man?" Bit weird but ok.

So you are now suggesting I'm a foreigner who is married to a foreigner who is also racist because I might ask where someone is from.

By the way, the time I've asked it's when I heard someone speaking mine or my husbands language and I got excited about it and was able to converse with them. Im learning my husbands language at the moment.
They took it very well and seemed happy I was genuinely speaking their language. I'm one of those people who goes to another country and attempts to speak in their language.

And my curiosity and happiness for being able to speak to them in their language is racist?

My goodness!

BrownEyedGhoul · 29/12/2022 19:47

Dacadactyl · 29/12/2022 19:43

@BrownEyedGhoul what do you think is rude about it please?

It's none of your business, its intrusive, its othering. Lots of people won't be offended of course, but lots will, and you can't tell which it will be meaning you always risk offence.

I've answered your question, could you answer one too? The recent but where are you really from thing at the Palace, do you see what was wrong with that or not? I ask because the woman who was asking the question was very much of your mind, she thought she was just being interested and didn't see why it was seen as rude/racist/.

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:48

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:45

"Man?" Bit weird but ok.

So you are now suggesting I'm a foreigner who is married to a foreigner who is also racist because I might ask where someone is from.

By the way, the time I've asked it's when I heard someone speaking mine or my husbands language and I got excited about it and was able to converse with them. Im learning my husbands language at the moment.
They took it very well and seemed happy I was genuinely speaking their language. I'm one of those people who goes to another country and attempts to speak in their language.

And my curiosity and happiness for being able to speak to them in their language is racist?

My goodness!

Show quote history

From the OP

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

Lexi868 · 29/12/2022 19:52

Reugny · 29/12/2022 19:48

From the OP

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

Show quote history

We are past this point though. I was not talking anymore about the op and her daughter. There has been much concersation in between.
We were all talking about it generally. I'm not that guy and I didn't approach her daughter so i dont take responsibility for that.
I have said clearly that intention and tone is massive.

BrownEyedGhoul · 29/12/2022 19:53

Those people saying that intention is what matter, you don understand that those you are talking to don't and can't know your intention, yes?