Is this racist?

[PinkyU]

My DD has just been approached by an older (than her) male after parking her car to pop into a shop, she was still in the car.

He approached her drivers side looking in the car then walked away back to his car. Walked back up again and started to speak, dd has opened the door and said “sorry?”, he asked her if she had enough space to get out, she said “yes plenty”, he then said “are you foreign”? DD said “what?!”, he repeated “are you foreign because of your accent”. DD said “no, bye then” and walked away.

For transparency, DD looks typically Middle Eastern dark olive skin, dark eyes, very long dark hair but is white. She has an accent typical for our area.

He was being a racist shit, yes?

She saw him walk into his house and I want to go confront him.

Dh get’s asked quite randomly if he is ‘foreign’, in the supermarket, on walks etc.
People are interested. He’s never thought that they were being racist.

I would be more worried that your dd opened the door. She was probably trying to be polite but depending on where you live she needs to be mindful.

Wind your neck in. Do you know what the definition of foreign is? Would it have sounded better if he said "are you French?" or is that okay?

My husband is "foreign" btw.

Not trying very hard, are you? The actual questions he asked matter, obviously.

Do you? Wind your own racist neck in.

Wind your neck in. I’m being polite. Angry much.

Yes it's racist. Don't confront him as you shouldn't underestimate this horrid person..

This.

He asked if she had enough room to get out. Perhaps he was thinking she was used to a left hand drive car.

Confronting him over an uncertain slight is not necessary and I'm not sure what you think you'll achieve.

Yes, I get angry at racism.Clearly you don't care. Tell us you're white without telling us you're white....

Micro aggressions are all around us, people use them in all sorts of ways (not only racist or sexist) to make others feel uncomfortable and at a disadvantage. Our young people need to learn to deal with them - to stand up for themselves, deflect the crap and not expect their mad mothers to go steaming in to sort it all out like primary school kids.

DD knows and is mortified that she opened her door, she felt flustered and didn’t think, not acceptable and she knows.

There was more than half a car length between there cars, there was a huge amount of space to get out, it didn’t require an approach at all.

Im furious because I love my daughter and she was made to feel vulnerable and scared, my reaction is one of protection, regardless of her age, if she was 50 I’d want to run in to defend her.

Again, there wasn’t any valid reason to ask her if she is foreign in this context at all. If any of the people saying I’m overreacting wish to provide one I’m open to hearing it.

KousaMahshi is racist. Your hatred for White people is showing again.

Well, people asked me that all the time when I lived in France. I’m white, middle aged, wore clothes I bought in France, spoke French….somehow they knew . I can’t say I took the hump, though.

Oh stfu.
I asked a polite question to understand. How tf am I supposed to understand if I don’t. Then you come along and shut that conversation down, well done 👏 👏 👏

100%

It's not racist to ask if she is foreign

Now KousaMahsi I think you are not being very nice.

I have asked why asking this question is racist. I have explained my husband is "foreign" (to the country we both live in) You are calling ME A RACIST.

I can't ask if you are foreign because I have no idea which country this incident actually took place. Everyone is a foreigner outside their own country.

At the moment, I am in France, on holiday. I am a foreigner. I am not offended if someone asks if I am foreign so I really have no idea what your issue is, but you do have issues.

I am an immigrant. I get asked if I am foreign frequently. I rarely feel it's racist. Often folk want to help me as they think I am a tourist.

You seem more upset by the apparent racist element (it wasnt racist) than the bottom line which is that he sounded and acted like a creep trying to chat her up (badly)

@MotherOfRatios - I am not invalidating the woman's experience - but I do also agree with @Triffid1 - I am not the best driver ever but I can park well. I asked a chap over the road ( we do not have drives it is all parking on the street ) whether he would like me to reverse a yard to make it easier for him - I think he was affronted that a woman would question his parking - I wasn't - just a neighbourly thing to do )

I think the chap probably said a racist thing - & I don't agree with that - whether he is a shit is a different matter. & if that is micro aggression well it is up to DD to decide. But as the saying goes "Fool me once , fool me twice " . If he does it again - well .
I do not subscribe to racist comments ever , & nor does age etc make you excluded from criticism but I do think there is proportionate response . & if that chap left your daughter alone and continues to do so - then he's made a mistake .

Still reckon I can park better than DH and DS

It’s a dumb question but given how it was inappropriate to come and talk to her out of the blue he might have been drunk or on drugs.

I wouldn’t be offended if someone asked me if i was foreign; whether or not I was in a country I was not from - but it’s more rude than racist. I would have said we all are.

I’m not saying the creep was not racist, just that he might not have been.

Possibly racist, but also possibly just sexist and weird.

I've had a wide selection of random men over the years ask me whether I'm English/from [country]/comment on my accent in an attempt to start a conversation. I'm about as white-English looking as you can get, with an entirely unremarkable home counties accent.

Whatever his motivation, confronting him won't do anything useful and has the potential to go badly.

I totally agree. Horrid. Trying to cause so much trouble.

No, I'm not very nice to racists.

I asked, what does foreign mean? If I am born in a different country, am I foreign? What if I now have a passport for the country I live in, am I still foreign? What if I was born here, but my parents weren't, foreign or not?
Or lets face it, doesn't being brown make me foreign, to those asking, no matter what?

It's a racist question, and if you don't get it, tahts your own racism showing. Your husband being "foreign" is just more "but I have black friends, I can't be racist" bullshit

KousaMahshi My Grandfather was born in Kingston, Jamaica and he was White. You'd have a problem with that too 🤣

How is asking "are you foreign?" an issue.

OP said her daughter has a local accent!
Either he's deaf or his question was based on her colouring.