Taking responsibility for own happiness - self care in 2023 - anyone want to join? Baby steps……

[Brightstar84]

I’ve been on the verge of going to the docs for antidepressants as I feel as I’ve I operate under a cloud of dread and sadness a lot of the time. But I’ve come to recognise I self sabotage a lot of the time and there are some healthy habits I want to commit to doing more / less of starting in January.

Anyone want to join in - please be gentle and non judgemental.

Im going to commit to

• drinking less alcohol (I’m not doing ‘dry’ as think a glass in a the bath is an important part of self care! But I’m drinking pretty much daily and mindlessly at the moment)
• associated with the above, stop taking so many painkillers - rare I don’t wake up with a low level hangover and I’ve got a supply of cocodomal I’ve continued to take after a surgery (and my mum gave me hers as well), recognise I need to taper off this but I know it’s doing me no good
• read more. I love reading but this year have been too restless to finish books and end up phone scrolling instead. I want to commit to that as I’ve some great ones on my shelf
• exercise. I enjoy running but need to find an event to enter as without that I don’t get motivated.
• cook for myself. I live alone and do often can’t be bothered so either get a takeaway or don’t bother at all

Overall I just want to take more responsibility for my own happiness and not rely on others (who so often let me down) enough. I feel those basics are a good start and if I’m still struggling after that I’ll go to the GP. But I’ve got to try to look after myself and writing all the above out has made me feel quite emotional as I realise how much I’ve not been taking any care with myself at all 😥

Sorry for the ramble. Anyone else want to commit to some simple self care things for a happier 2023 too?

Yes! I am so guilty now self neglect. Last year I lost almost 6 stones and really, I put myself first in making decisions to influence this.
I have gained a couple of stones back and am now saying , stop. I am going to be proactive (see my other posts regarding a FB group that I have set up) and do things that interest me.
I just signed up for free zoom thing on Instagram on how the sea can benefit your mental health just because it sounded interesting.
What are you looking forward to trying ?

Hello @Hippywannabe wow - well done on your incredible weight loss! The zoom thing about the sea sounds lovely but sadly I am landlocked here with no coastline within a 2 hour drive - that said I am looking forward to getting out in the fresh air more - find it so hard to motivate myself to get out sometimes and I WFH most of the time too so it can be lonely

I’ve just bought a supplement called L- theanine to take the edge off my anxiety/dread, and am drinking a large glass of warm water each morning, to start the day, and taking a milk thistle tablet with it, to cleanse my liver.

baby steps!

Yes please. I'd love to join you.

That looks like a great list.

I'd like to:
Pay more attention and care to my appearance especially nails, brows, hair, skin. I have neglected all of these for months and it shows.

Do Dry jan as I like that reset
Do YWA 30-day Centre daily yoga course in Jan
Journalling daily on paper
I really badly need to spend less itme on screens and social media
Get back to weight training and bootcamps which I used to love
Join some face-to-face clubs - I plan to start going to a dance class weekly but train strikes are making taht difficult for the next few weeks. I'd also love to join some sort of discussion group - not sure what, just hearing people's opinions and sharing mine on anything really. I miss interesting conversation. Can't remember the last time I had one!

Good idea. I especially like the idea of finding a running event for motivation. I’m going to do the same. Really enjoy running when I go but am rubbish at motivating myself to go.

There is a thread at the moment on self help books you may be interested in. I'm not sure how to link.
Do you have Netflix? There was a documentary and book by Stutz recommended which was really interesting.

The best ‘self help’ book you’ve ever read… www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4705580-the-best-self-help-book-youve-ever-read

Well maybe I do know how to link

Great to hear I’m not on my own!

That supplement sounds interesting @Doliveira i have a Holland and barratt nearby and I think psychologically if I’m swapping my ‘bad’ pill popping with ‘good’ pill popping that’s quite powerful for me. I’ll look into it.

Thanks @validnumber I do have Netflix - probably keen on that rather than the book (given I need to make progress on my current to read shelf!) do you remember the name of the series?

@WinterFoxes i know exactly what you mean about just having some interesting discussion and debate! My brain is not good and becomes destructive when idle but when I challenge myself and learn it’s a better use of it. Not sure how / what I could get involved with though.

Definitely yes to all the posters who’ve suggested moving more - never weight trained but think that could complement my running

@WinterFoxes Joining some real life groups a great idea too. I’m going to have a look at what’s available in my area.

An excellent thread!

I need to get back to the gym, walk more, eat better and drink more water.

Also need to bite the bullet with some life decisions.

Yes I'll join please, in desperate need of sorting my life out.
Similar to you op I definitely need to cut down the drinking, I'm looking to sort my self out image wise too so I can be a role model to my girls.
If you could buy antidepressants from the shop I'd already be on them but I don't want to make it real by going to the doctor.
I've followed a few threads on here for inspiration but I could have written your post myself so I'm definitely happy to join your gang😁

All this self care stuff is fine in theory and the idea of creating our own happiness yada yada
Sounds good at New Year and on youtube etc.. but its way more complicated.People need community not just family and they need to work out why they are unhappy...loneliness...lack of money...toxic family...sense of shame in failing to meet societal goals ..work place crap..too much social media..Yes self care but dont beat yourself up and expect magic results.Its allmore difficult than you thinkOne thing tho
...get off your phone for periods of time..

On the cooking front, I did this a few years back and just love it now for de-stressing at the end of the day. Worked my way through a cookbook or two. If wanting to get healthy and/or are not a confident cook then I can recommend the pinch nom books as easy, healthy and can freeze extra portions etc. if you really want low hassle then SimplyCook is very straightforward, always has offers and is easy to half the amounts for one.

With you on the need to make life decisions @JamSandle but think doing so whilst in this frame of mind wouldn’t be wise so if I can start the year well I’m not self sabotaging those decisions as well.

Agree re if AD’s were in the shop I’d be straight to them, but I’m very aware I’m trying to ‘cure’ by taking a pill when there are obvious things I could do to take better care of myself which I just don’t do.

I have much bigger goals but if I don’t get the foundations right I’ll never achieve them. I do a great job of appearing like I have my shit together when behind the scenes I most definitely do not. I’m successful in my career but people would be shocked at how bad I am at the basics of life. I also have ADHD (never disclosed to anyone IRL as an adult) which doesn’t help and enforces my need for structure

We sound very similar! I also come across well but have always suffered with anxiety and depression. I suspect ADHD also and am considering pursuing a diagnosis.

I am on ADs and to be honest they have really helped me so I wouldn't be worried about asking the GP if you decide to. Of course in tandem with the practical things too.

Thank you @Tempyname for the cooking recs. I think my baby steps might even be starting with better quality ready meals M&S etc plus trying to up fruit and veg intake. My cooking skills are so poor I get overwhelmed so unless I eat out or takeaway I often find myself skipping meals altogether. Then I’m low on energy and the mood takes a hit again as feel I’m useless. So I’m starting simple but would love to get to the stage I’m actually preparing nutritious meals for myself

I’m going to draw up a master schedule for the first quarter with all my housework, personal maintenance (nails/brows/hair etc), exercise, relaxation, social meet ups and a rota of meals planned, plus some family days out/activity ideas loosely in place.

After a bit of a break down a few years ago, I’ve gone from being a type A, plan every waking second person (suffering uptight stress), through a period of plan nothing, achieve nothing (and suffering the stress of that) and I’m now ready to attempt to balance those two a bit and have a master plan but lots of wiggle room.

I think this is the self care that I need right now - to take a bit more control and not fly by the seat of my pants all the time, but not be so controlling in my mind and let things go where necessary.

Mine are:
exercise three times a week (even if some of that is a long walk). I already go to the gym and do a class too but need to be more consistent.

keep on top of housework. That could be just wiping down the sides in the kitchen or sticking a load of washing in.

only buy lunch out twice a week. I used to be good at taking lunch to work but I’ve slowly made excuses and got out of the habit. I’m not going to promise to stop completely because I know I’ll fail.

drink more water! Again I do but not consistently.

take my vitamins. See above!

read for 5 minutes a day.

5 minutes of Duolingo a day.

Loving your commitments and let’s stay in touch on here for accountability to see how we are doing? it’s nice to have this community as they aren’t really the type of things I feel I can talk about IRL due to how basic some of them are (eating) or how shameful (alcohol / painkillers)

@JamSandle i would love to hear how you are going about progressing your diagnosis? I haven’t got a clue where to start but every online test, and just how i ‘am’ suggests a strong yes. I mask very well but it destroys my self esteem

The Netflix documentary/movie will come up if you search Stutz. I think it's an hour and a half. We watched when having our morning coffee over a few days.
I agree with @CAJIE and the documentary does cover this.

Amazing @validnumber ill add it to my watchlist now

Re: cooking -
If I know I've been eating too much rubbish, but am not really feeling like cooking, here are some things I do to get fruit/vege intake up:

bought Scotch pancakes with Greek yoghurt and a load of berries

avocado on wholemeal toast (nice with a squeeze of lemon or lime and some chilli flakes)

granola with Greek yoghurt, sliced banana and berries

Greek salad served with a jar of gigantes beans and some Greek yoghurt with a bit of mint sauce stirred into it, plus pitta bread

sugar snaps, spring onions, strips of red pepper, asparagus - stir fried then add a bit of soy sauce, chilli sauce, sesame oil and sweet chilli sauce; a few cashew nuts; serve with microwave Tilda rice

I'm in! My main aim is to sort my adhd referral (GP lost the forms, maybe he needs one too .

I also want to sort my wardrobe into some sort of uniform, shift half a stone and keep up my exercise regime. And give up my recent crisps-cheese-stollen diet!