Taking responsibility for own happiness - self care in 2023 - anyone want to join? Baby steps……

[Brightstar84]

I’ve been on the verge of going to the docs for antidepressants as I feel as I’ve I operate under a cloud of dread and sadness a lot of the time. But I’ve come to recognise I self sabotage a lot of the time and there are some healthy habits I want to commit to doing more / less of starting in January.

Anyone want to join in - please be gentle and non judgemental.

Im going to commit to

• drinking less alcohol (I’m not doing ‘dry’ as think a glass in a the bath is an important part of self care! But I’m drinking pretty much daily and mindlessly at the moment)
• associated with the above, stop taking so many painkillers - rare I don’t wake up with a low level hangover and I’ve got a supply of cocodomal I’ve continued to take after a surgery (and my mum gave me hers as well), recognise I need to taper off this but I know it’s doing me no good
• read more. I love reading but this year have been too restless to finish books and end up phone scrolling instead. I want to commit to that as I’ve some great ones on my shelf
• exercise. I enjoy running but need to find an event to enter as without that I don’t get motivated.
• cook for myself. I live alone and do often can’t be bothered so either get a takeaway or don’t bother at all

Overall I just want to take more responsibility for my own happiness and not rely on others (who so often let me down) enough. I feel those basics are a good start and if I’m still struggling after that I’ll go to the GP. But I’ve got to try to look after myself and writing all the above out has made me feel quite emotional as I realise how much I’ve not been taking any care with myself at all 😥

Sorry for the ramble. Anyone else want to commit to some simple self care things for a happier 2023 too?

Add me to the gang please all. I’ve got a bit of a big health issue coming up (op to remove a cancerous tumour) but I feel quite optimistic as the tumour is in its early stages and found by accident when I went for checks for a different issue. I had lost almost a stone in the couple of months leading up to Christmas but suspect most has gone back on. I also sorted out a HRT regime which suited me and got rid of 80% of my symptoms.

So here is my list (a lot I was doing before Christmas anyway).
1, Drink homemade kefir 5/7 days for good gut health
2, Take vitamins daily
3, Remain decaf only and add more herbal teas to aid digestion
4, Aim to stick below 1400 calories a day
5, Complete 4 Joe Wicks workouts a week
6, Use the Happy App fro Fearne Cotton - aim to get one yoga and 2 breathing sessions in a week as well as daily gratitude journals.

Things may be put on pause for a while (exercise definitely) post op but the stronger I am going into the op, the better I will be.

Hello everyone, I would also like to join in (and have already started making some changes in the last week or two so it doesn't feel like a NY-resolution).

My self-care goals for 2023:

• Take my medications, everyday
• A regular skincare routine
• DH and I have 14 weeks til we go on holiday and both want to lose at least 14lbs by then
• Put my 'phone down and pick up a book instead!

Can I make some suggestions?

Re medication - I have been taking antidepressants most of my life and have made my peace with it. Having mental health difficulties is nothing to be ashamed of and does not mean you are deficient in anyway. We don't tell a diabetic they need to wean themselves of insulin, or someone with kidney failure they shouldn't have dialysis, they should just pull themselves together. No one should feel taking ADs is an admission of weakness or failure.

Several posters have said they want to read more - I can't recommend enough the 50 Bookers thread on MN - they are a really friendly bunch and I have had countless excellent book recommendations. I (and others) have never actually managed to read 50 books in a year, so don't let that put you off!

To keep me motivated for exercise - I have been following The Conqueror Challenges These are virtual distance challenges where you pick your challenge (e.g. the English Channel, Lands End to John O'Groats, Hadrians Wall, the Lord of the Rings epic journey) set your own time frame, chose your form of exercise, and log activity on the app. At the end of your chosen challenge you will be sent a fabulous quality medal for completion. There is also an excellent Facebook group.

Looking forward to checking in with you all.

I'd like to join for some simple self care improvements, please. I have a stressful year, with lots of changes, ahead so want to be as equipped to deal with that as possible.

Your OP did resonate with me especially about anxiety. I feel all out of balance if that makes sense. I think it's peri menopause related so I plan to visit the GP in January.

I do exercise but tend to do too much even when time is limited or I need to sleep. I need to make time for everything and manage it better.

I also need to sort out my evening routine and try to get more sleep. I'm an insomniac and have often struggled along with average four hours a night recently. I think there's something called sleep hygiene.

Well, I am looking forward to 2023. My resolution is to put myself first. No more striving, no more trying my best in everything. I'm 41, probably got only half my life left and want to enjoy as much of it as possible.
Drinking water, remembering my vitamins, eating more vegetables and more walking outside are up there, but I'm not going to worry about hitting all my goals, all of the time. I want to spend more time with more people I care about.

Happy New Year thread.

Thank you for this thread, I'd love to join.

Thinking about the same sort of things as most of you around healthier eating, exercise, phone use etc. Trying to think of small starting steps and avoid being all or nothing about it.

I also quite like the happier podcast and the idea of 23 in 23 (list of 23 things you're planning to achieve), a challenge to get outside 23 minutes every day and a general philosophy of using different strategies for forming habits.

I like the 23 idea….something to think about.

welcome aboard all new joiners. We can do this - positive change for a new year. Little steps, growing our health, self worth and self esteem.

Happy new year x

I think it is a self esteem thing, yes, but only at work. I don’t think it helps that I work with some very strong personalities who are very used to shouting people down to get their own way. And that I’m currently picking up the slack for most of the people in the office, people pleaser that I am. But the boss is trying to change that.

Can I join please? I’ve been struggling with carving out time for me so that is my priority for 2023 as well as eating more healthily, exercising more and sorting out skincare. I’m in my 50s and really noticing with my parents generation how much maintaining activity in your 59s has impacted their later mobility. Love the idea of 23 minutes outside a day do will steal that too

Happy new year to you all.

My big one is less screen time, I’ve deleted all the socials from my phone but now just faffing about on here. It’s such an addiction for me.

Also maintaining weight loss, I’ve gained a stone back but I’m really determined to lose that again and actually really looking forward to getting back to healthy eating.

Not putting things off - huge one for me and life would be so much better if sometimes I just did things there and then and not put things off until last minute.

Trigger - action - reward.

it’s worth thinking about what triggers are there for the habits you want to change. With phones, it’s very hard because the trigger (getting on a bus, sitting down with a cuppa, hearing a ‘ping’) leads so smoothly to the action (get out phone) then reward (dopamine hit). The whole experience has been designed to make it as frictionless as possible.

so one trick is to deliberately build in the friction. Consistently leave your phone far away (but that means you might miss important communications), turn off notifications (ditto). Block certain websites. Turn off automatic logins. Have only one charging point in your house, which is far from your usual seat to relax in.

for positive habits you want to establish, the opposite is true: make it as easy (frictionless) as possible to do them. That means planning and building them into a routine. For food, it means making sure that the food you want to eat is always available, which in turn requires planning and preparation, which in turn requires headspace and good organisation, etc etc.

One of the biggest obstacles we (I) tend to put in the way is asking if I ‘feel’ like doing whatever it is we aim to do at that specific point in time: do I feel like going swimming this morning? (Or just staying home?) Do I feel like salad this lunchtime? (Or a bacon sandwich?) the people I know, and the reading I’ve done about successful habit formation, they don’t even ask the question of whether they ‘feel’ like doing something: they just do it. It’s Monday, 3pm: time for the gym.

i haven’t fixed any of these things very consistently myself, but I think I understand why it’s so hard, and it’s definitely not down to a lack of willpower. I’d recommend reading:

4000 weeks: time management for mortals. Oliver Burkeman

better than before but Gretchen Rubin

@Chocchops72 you may be interested in Atomic Habits or Tiny Habits (two very similar books by two people involved in the same research).

@Peasepuddingbloodycold

read / got them both 😂. I have the theory, it’s the putting it into practice over the long term that is hard. The anti-good habit ‘frictions’ that are thrown up by regular, busy family / working life are legion 🙄. At least I no longer beat myself up over lack of willpower etc.

Hi - I would like to join. I am still mulling over exactly what I want to work on and how to go about it. I am going to re-read this thread and will have a listen to the Rebel Wilson you tube. Any other reading or shows to watch - hit me with them, as I feel like I need to get head around it all mentally. BUT I am ready... thank you

My advice for what it's worth would be to lighten up. We are fed a false vision of perfection resulting in unrealistic expectations and desires.
Very few have the self discipline to exercise religiously, l find a quick dance round my kitchen listening to my favourite music can work wonders, it's a good cheap pick me up that doesn't have to be scheduled in.
I try and eat healthy, but don't beat myself up. If l fancy something unhealthy l visualise my stomach as a clear vase, and then with the digested food, and if my stomach had a voice, what would it say ? That can work quite well for me, but not absolutely foolproof.
"The biggest battlefield is in the mind", get your thinking right, everything else falls into place. That's not to try and be permanently positive, it's to know we are built to experience a whole range of feelings and emotions, not just the good ones. To be aware of our feelings but to get too attached, feelings are temporary, they come and go. Focus on what you have, rather than what you don't, to know most of us are just trying to do our best with what we've got.

I'm with you.

My new year resolution is to find the courage to speak to the GP about how I am feeling and be brave enough to accept any help that is offered.

It’s our first day today! Anyone else nursing a hangover? I am, but also a cold, so it’s difficult to differentiate. Feeling anxious and low..know it’s the booze and lack of sleep, so I plan to get out in the fresh air and am meeting a friend for a countryside walk later which will be nice.

What first steps are you taking?

No hangover here despite a heavy night; I think it helps that I drank a tonne of water before bed and again first thing.

I've made a good start food-wise, with yoghurt and a sprinkle of cereal for breakfast, now miso soup and eggs on crisp bread for lunch.

My living room is tidy again after a painting spree last night, the picture hung up on my wall and the calendar changed. I am also making the most of the weather and have hung a load of washing out.

Work this afternoon.

My resolution is just to be more effective, tidy and to lose the 4st I put on under medication.

I quit smoking a couple of days ago. I realised it’s my go to when really stressed out and I was smoking a lot. I have decided that I’m ditching the fags and it’s been very hard but I’m determined to ditch them for good. I refuse to vape.
2) Be more organised! I feel like I’m just running away from my problems and I need to deal with it head on.
3) more quality time with my children. I feel like I’m vaguing out since o suffered a violent assault last year and I really don’t want them to suffer as a result of this!
4)decluttering! I have so much clutter and I’m determined to get rid of it all! I want to be clutter free and a simpler way of getting organised.
5)read more! I really want to take some time to myself but with being a mum and running a house. I struggle to even get time to have a shower to myself queue little one at my feet whilst I try to wash my hair and get washed.

Hi, I think it's largely alcohol, I'm pretty much the same, although socially acceptable and everywhere in our society, as I get older the short term benefits I get are now being outweighed heavily by low mood and energy the following day. Indeed if I were to over do it the two day hangover is now a real thing ! If I stop drinking a cloud lifts in only a few days and I'm so much brighter and able to battle life's problems. My problem is always the same however, bad day at work, get home and sod it pour a large glass of red wine then the cycle starts again ! I sometimes think back to happy childhood memories and I obviously never drank then or after a bad day at school ??? Good luck everyone.

I'll join! I'm starting back at work in 3 days after mat leave with DD2 who was born last May. I had quite bad PND and lost myself a bit so am quite looking forward to getting back to work! For me the main things are no alcohol, and getting out of the house every day, which I definitely have not done recently as I've had no energy to get the baby ready etc. This really affects my mental health and then I get in a downward spira. I'm hoping going back to work (which I loved doing after my first mat leave) will give me a little push to get into new routines.

I've started as I mean to go on by doing a 20-minute Yoga with Adriene video. I want to make this a daily habit as it automatically makes me feel better, and want to eat well and drink more water.

I started this morning with Day 0 of the new yoga with Adriene course. It was all about setting intentions for why you are committing to 30 days of yoga in January.

I'm off to Center Parcs tomorrow, have booked a Pilates class and a Yoga class and an afternoon in the spa. Also plan to get up early, do the day's Adriene video then go for a walk before everyone else gets up. My DC are teens so I'll have plenty of time!

@SpentDandelion I love this way of looking at it.

I've definitely tried (and failed) to change too many things at once in the past by having very prescriptive resolutions and intend to approach this year as you've described.

We’re all full of lurgy here so my sleep is rubbish and I’m eating too much as feel like I’m running on empty.

On the plus side, I’ve bought a new work handbag in the sales that will fit a paperback and a bento box. I’ve stocked it with book, hand cream and lip balm ready to use my lunch hour for a bit of self care.

I’ve re downloaded my fitness pal and am resolved to start calorie counting again from Tuesday. I will mindfully enjoy the rest of the Christmas cake in the meantime

I’ve joined a read along thread for another book which is on my phone to hopefully limit doomscrolling

I’ve amended the grocery delivery for ready meals with easy veg/salad sides, as I need rest and early nights more than I need cooked from scratch meals this week.

My goals are - keep on top of the housework rather than letting things build up! I've finally tidied up the cupboard of doom and the tower of unsorted paperwork on the landing so hopefully this will make things easier.

Also to exercise a bit more - I'm not launching into the gym or anything, just taking the longer route when I walk the dog.

Getting to bed on time is another area I think will really help me!

I want to say to some other posters that self-care might be getting to the GP to access the antidepressants that might help rather than avoiding them. Antidepressants aren't bad.