Taking responsibility for own happiness - self care in 2023 - anyone want to join? Baby steps……

[Brightstar84]

I’ve been on the verge of going to the docs for antidepressants as I feel as I’ve I operate under a cloud of dread and sadness a lot of the time. But I’ve come to recognise I self sabotage a lot of the time and there are some healthy habits I want to commit to doing more / less of starting in January.

Anyone want to join in - please be gentle and non judgemental.

Im going to commit to

• drinking less alcohol (I’m not doing ‘dry’ as think a glass in a the bath is an important part of self care! But I’m drinking pretty much daily and mindlessly at the moment)
• associated with the above, stop taking so many painkillers - rare I don’t wake up with a low level hangover and I’ve got a supply of cocodomal I’ve continued to take after a surgery (and my mum gave me hers as well), recognise I need to taper off this but I know it’s doing me no good
• read more. I love reading but this year have been too restless to finish books and end up phone scrolling instead. I want to commit to that as I’ve some great ones on my shelf
• exercise. I enjoy running but need to find an event to enter as without that I don’t get motivated.
• cook for myself. I live alone and do often can’t be bothered so either get a takeaway or don’t bother at all

Overall I just want to take more responsibility for my own happiness and not rely on others (who so often let me down) enough. I feel those basics are a good start and if I’m still struggling after that I’ll go to the GP. But I’ve got to try to look after myself and writing all the above out has made me feel quite emotional as I realise how much I’ve not been taking any care with myself at all 😥

Sorry for the ramble. Anyone else want to commit to some simple self care things for a happier 2023 too?

Yes, I did think this morning perhaps I just don't think myself worth the time and effort. I need to work out why.

I am glad I found this thread. I often read the 'drink more water' type of self care threads but this resonated a bit more. I do have a lot of stress in my life - I care for a DS with special needs - I could drink less, eat healthier and to be honest take fewer painkillers to deal with the headaches and I suspect stress. Also I suspect my body is now used to functioning in this way which makes things a bit worse. Following with interest.

WRT doom scrolling I've set daily time limits on my social media apps, and once I hit the limit can't go back in for the rest of the day. Obviously I can still go in on the laptop or on the browser on my phone, but that is usually too much faff. The timer also keeps me aware of how much time I'm wasting on there.

I've also set my phone to "night mode" between 9pm and 7am, which makes the display black and white. Instagram is much less appealing in black and white, so I spend far less time looking at other people's "perfect" lives and feeling rubbish about my own.

Some sale shopping deliveries today - new clothes for my yoga and pilates classes plus lots of skincare. It's a cliche, but sometimes having new kit helps kick start me into action. We're on holiday next week so I'm going to take a load of skincare products with me for a bit of a pamper while I'm relaxed and not rushing to work!

I am still working my way through the thread because I want to read everyone's posts carefully. But @MarcelEtCeleste so far your situation seems the most similar to me. I used to be very focused and had trackers for all of the small, incremental wellbeing habits I wanted to embed each day. Then I had a crazy year and the trackers became a bit punitive.
Next week I start a new job, not WFH, and I hope that the structure is really going to help me with my emotional eating and loneliness. So, similar to you I'm focusing on a little less perfection and a bit more self-compassion.

I've started by following a self-compassion workbook and working through Fat Is a Feminist Issue.

Not sure how / what I could get involved with though

U3A
Coursera
SkillShare
OU

If you could buy antidepressants from the shop I'd already be on them but I don't want to make it real by going to the doctor.

You can, St John's Wort, but not if you're on the contraceptive pill.

I'm going to be getting into healthy eating, better sleep, minimalism and tackling all those half finished jobs I never get around to.

Thanks to this thread I remembered about St John's wort 😊

I don't think my mood and anxiety warrants anything stronger (right now at least) and I find it works well for me.

Got some on order from amazon yesterday and they've just arrived.

I have decided to look at what's bothering me in a bit more detail and one of the things is that my house feels all wrong at the minute. We have rooms half redecorated and we need new wardrobes because our chests of drawers are broken and it feel like there's nowhere to put anything. So I'm going to start on putting this right tomorrow by sorting through clothes to sell and charity shop.

Despite not going swimming I did tackle a few things making me feel overwhelmed today with family support.

• Got DH and the boys to put Christmas away (I don't like going into the new year with dec's up)
• Got up and out to the park in the fresh air for an hour

Small steps

Thank you for the Rebel Wilson 1hr live recommendation. I'm just watching it on YouTube. Nothing revolutionary so far, but so encouraging to hear someone's authentic experience.

Can I join in too?
but, I don’t want to do running !!! I’m hoping to do more walking as I think fresh air is vital to mental health

If you have an iPhone it has this feature. I think it’s called focus. I use it for reading, exercise, meditation and sleep.

Do people find St John’s Wort effective then? Not on the pill but also not currently in a relationship so wouldn’t matter anyway

I’m joining too.

I do, I suppose it would be different for everyone but worth a try if you taking no other kind of medication. If you are check first for contraindications

I'm joining in too. This year has been a really really tough year for me- And for the first time ever my mental health suffered a lot.
So this year I intend to-
-prioritise myself
-say No when I want to
-Take my vitamins
-look after my health
-don't do things to please others when I'm not happy with doing them

• work more with my skincare

-lose weight and really change my diet

• stop wearing leggings all the time

-spend a lot more quality time with my dc

• read more

-be on my phone less

I'm sorry you've had a hard year. Your list sounds great x

@JamSandle thank you, it's been a tough one but a real eye opener for me.

Can I join? This is a great thread and I'm loving seeing everyone's plans and ideas.

For me, these last two years have been the worst of my life and I really want to start living again.

My list so far is:
Less scrolling, more books
Stop smoking (I restarted in the summer due to stress and hate myself for it)
Mindfulness guided meditations before bed
Get counselling to properly process everything I've been through recently
Eat better and exercise
Put in more effort to friendships, old and new
Think before I complain about anything and whether it is really necessary
Be nicer to myself
And finally, don't beat myself up for not doing everything on the list straight away and perfectly ... as you said op, baby steps 🙂

I'd love to join too.

I'm slowly getting my confidence back after a few rough years. I want to be more myself, not what I think others want me to be.
I need to lose some weight, but also accept how I look and be ok with that.
I've started reading a lot more in 2022, so I want to keep that up. I do need to get more fresh air and exercise, which is difficult as I have fibromyalgia.

I would love to join and so many of the lists resonate with me but @OneDayFri really hit home with loving them self. So for me:

• eating better
• morning and evening routines
• really cut back on phone scrolling
• lose Weight (3st) and exercise which are connected

I think that is good enough for starters.

@Brightstar84 how will we keep this going; update as we go along, weekly check ins etc?

Welcome new joiners! I think we just keep this chat live as and when and check in when we’ve got something to say / need support? It’s the friendly camaraderie and accountability that will help me.

I had a bad day yesterday. Ate and drank too much rubbish and allowed my emotions and mood to be sidetracked by someone I know to be narcissistic and is emotionally unavailable. The fact I’m aware of this is a step in the right direction - I just need to work on the resilience and self control and self esteem so I can live life for me, rather than people pleasing

Anyone ever done anything like this?

Hypnotherapy for weight loss

This thread is a great idea !

I commit to:
Stopping snacks e.g. picking at bits between meals. I might try brushing my teeth immediately I've eaten so that the minty taste puts me off any further snacking.

Limiting the time I spend scrolling online (although I like MN, there are some MN boards and posts I find a lot more useful / interesting than others)

Ensuring there is daily exercise and fresh air for me - especially important as I WFH

Restarting a meditation practice (I used 10% Happier app)

Trying a couple of new recipes each month - we have quite a few cookbooks and we aren't using them.

I’m in. I got myself in a good fitness routine last year so I’ll continue with that. Where I need to make changes is with my self esteem. I have major imposter syndrome at work which is ridiculous as I’ve been doing the job for 20 years and my appraisals are always good. I need to trust and believe in myself more - and rely less on external validation - but I have no idea how to achieve this.

I also need to eat less sugar.

All ideas welcome!

@Iamnotaloggrip I hear you!!! I am in a senior role but the imposter syndrome hits every day.

I'll have one more bad day tonight, going to a party and there will be lots of lovely food and wine! After that I'm going to try and only drink once a week and eat less sugar.

Happy New Year's Eve everyone 🥂

I need to trust and believe in myself more - and rely less on external validation - but I have no idea how to achieve this.

Is it a low self esteem thing? You boost that by achieving stuff, so set small goals to work towards and don't forget to celebrate the successes. Also take a look at CBT in case you have negative thought patterns holding you back. Like if you don't trust yourself because your internal voice says "oh well you're bound to be doing it wrong" or whatever.

I'm looking at achieving all my goals through a mindset of being kind to myself. So it won't be a chore to eat more vegetables because I'm doing it to be kind to my body. If I need a day of eating junk food that's not a reason to beat myself up, it's a reason to look at what's bothering me and try to change it so I don't feel the need to comfort eat.