Taking responsibility for own happiness - self care in 2023 - anyone want to join? Baby steps……

[Brightstar84]

I’ve been on the verge of going to the docs for antidepressants as I feel as I’ve I operate under a cloud of dread and sadness a lot of the time. But I’ve come to recognise I self sabotage a lot of the time and there are some healthy habits I want to commit to doing more / less of starting in January.

Anyone want to join in - please be gentle and non judgemental.

Im going to commit to

• drinking less alcohol (I’m not doing ‘dry’ as think a glass in a the bath is an important part of self care! But I’m drinking pretty much daily and mindlessly at the moment)
• associated with the above, stop taking so many painkillers - rare I don’t wake up with a low level hangover and I’ve got a supply of cocodomal I’ve continued to take after a surgery (and my mum gave me hers as well), recognise I need to taper off this but I know it’s doing me no good
• read more. I love reading but this year have been too restless to finish books and end up phone scrolling instead. I want to commit to that as I’ve some great ones on my shelf
• exercise. I enjoy running but need to find an event to enter as without that I don’t get motivated.
• cook for myself. I live alone and do often can’t be bothered so either get a takeaway or don’t bother at all

Overall I just want to take more responsibility for my own happiness and not rely on others (who so often let me down) enough. I feel those basics are a good start and if I’m still struggling after that I’ll go to the GP. But I’ve got to try to look after myself and writing all the above out has made me feel quite emotional as I realise how much I’ve not been taking any care with myself at all 😥

Sorry for the ramble. Anyone else want to commit to some simple self care things for a happier 2023 too?

I thought this was really pertinent

I need this. 2022 was absolute hell to the extent that even the most basic self-care went by the wayside. Trying to make different priorities this year.

This is excellent.

This resonates here, too.

I don't know how to reconcile it all. In some ways I'm so happy, in others not.

I am a lone parent. I am disabled, and I am exhausted. My children also bave disabilities. My family is useless and very unsupportive.

At the same time I have wonderful friends, and fortunately for my children worked 100 hour weeks to build a very well-paying career before I had them so fortunately for them I can provide them with a nice home that's secure. But despite this, I have to work twice as hard as others for what we have because couples have 48 hours per day to do what I do in 24. But then again, nobody can take it from me, unless I mess it up myself (or my health collapses), and it's wonderful to know I am not dependent on anyone.

I wish there was more time for my friends. I wish I had more time to take care of myself, but maybe that will come in time. Right now juggling everything is enough. Some earlier bedtimes and actually managing to put on mousturiser at night etc would be good!

I went through a phase of buying stuff to makes myself feel better. It didn't because I'm a minimalist so now drowning in "stuff" and trying to clear it all out!

Hoping we can get on an even keel now. Just work and kids, bliss. No huge tasks to do once clearouts are finished. Divorce done, house move done. Job pretty secure. Health, to work on. Sleep to work on. Maybe save for a holiday. New car meant to turn up in spring. Along with all the flowers we planted. 🌹🌷

It's definitely not about bath salts. It's about finding a place of peace and security, where you know that nobody can mess up your life.

Wishing a happy 2023 to all!

I saw a meme on Facebook: "Before you go diagnosing yourself with depression, anxiety and low self-esteem, first make sure you're not just surrounding yourself with arseholes". I don't think the problem here is you 😉

What I'd give for a week on a tropical island on my own!! But that can be saved for retirement. For now, this life is good. And better than it was with ex-H and way better than it was for me as a child. So onwards and upwards!

I think part of self-care is ensuring you step nack and think about all of the ways you are lucky. We have a beautiful home (once I deal with the clutter!!), in an nice place with lovely neighbours and wonderful friends close by. Such amazing people, who are more kind to us than any family have ever been. The children giggling and cuddling under blankets with them is self-care, for me. Plus some wine!!

This is my first time on mumsnet today and it was a conscious choice to check in here rather than mindless scrolling. Otherwise just used my phone to reply to a couple of messages, listen to part of a podcast and take photos during a walk in the woods. So that feels good.

I've read the first few pages of this thread and it's very inspiring, thanks OP. I'm hoping to make some improvements to my life in 2023, beginning with the following:

1. I'm doing dry January this year because I badly need to reset my alcohol intake. Cutting out alcohol will free up so much time and will save me so much money too. I've joined the other thread in Chat which has helped me get through day one.

2. I'm planning to go through each room in the house and give it a proper deep clean and declutter. I began with the kitchen yesterday, scrubbed the oven, emptied out cupboards and got rid of several bin bags of stuff. I have a few more cupboards still to do before I move onto the next room. I find living in a tidy, clutter free house is one of the best things for my mental health.

3. I'm on antidepressants (sertraline) and as a PP said, I want to make sure that I take them every day. I've also had weeks where I've forgotten to take them and I find my anxiety gets noticeably worse when that happens. When I was taking them daily I felt so much better.

Those are the main ones for now but I'm sure I'll have more to add.

Morning everyone.

@Snowflake2 you might be right 😬. But unfortunately I still have to deal with them so definitely need to learn to manage it better.

I had a pretty good day yesterday. Ate well, the only bits of sugar I had were Christmas cake (will eat that til it’s gone as it’s delicious!) and two squares of chocolate, and that was only because DS insisted we had film snacks. And given we polished off a box of chocolates between us the night before, that’s progress! I also did a Pilates class and had a good walk with DD. Taking decs down and cleaning today, then back to work tomorrow.

How is everyone doing today? It can be a low day, the end of the holidays feeling. It’s a bright day here and so whilst I still have the gloomy feeling not helped by drinking and eating crap yesterday, im going to treat myself kindly today. Soup for lunch, then decorations down and Hoover. Fresh start.

Have had a fairly lowish couple of days but feeling better today, although not much looking forward to going back to work. I'm going to sort out my wardrobe and sort some books for the charity shop - it always makes me feel good!

I'm feeling shitty too. Though I don't think it because of the end of the holidays because its been fairly horrible. I hate spending annual leave at home as I not also work from home. So along with all the other shit I've been feeling really suffocated.

I long to get back into routine. Kids are back to school tomorrow 🎉

Yes I definitely think the low of the festive season being over can be replaced by the positivity of being able to embrace new routines and structure. I don’t actually return to work until next Monday so have a few days to myself this next week. Feel as if I’ve wasted today but will get to the gym tomorrow. On the plus side I’ve de-christmassed the house and read quite a lot of my book.

I managed to drink more water yesterday, and caught on some sleep. Im pleased with that.

I plan to do a list of jobs and try to gradually complete those. I'll put making the GP appointment at the top of the list for next week.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

I wanna join the club please!

Loving this thread.
One of the things I'd like to do this year is to try to reduce my possessions by 50%.

I love this. A few things I'm going to commit to:
1️⃣ Compile an uplifting Spotify playlist to wake up to. You know, songs that make you smile!
2️⃣ Minimum 6,000 steps a day, though aiming for 10,000. I won't beat myself up on the days I don't achieve this though.
3️⃣ Start each morning with water and lemon juice.
4️⃣ Learn to give fewer f#cks about what others think of me.
5️⃣ Redlect each day on what I'm grateful for.

Catching up with everyone before I go back to work tomorrow... TBH it's a bit of a relief!

@Brightstar84 you're completely right, a hobby would be really good for me, but realistically it would have to be something I could involve the DC with or take them along to. Pre DC I enjoyed gym going, dancing, meeting friends... all of them are out as DP is just so unhelpful. I've looked for a gym or similar nearby with a kids club but there's only one and it's £££! I'm trying to become more involved in the DC's clubs but I'm limited by not having the qualifications/ experience needed... it's a tricky one. I also wish DP would get a bloody hobby or anything to get him off his bum really

@BeastOfBODMAS I asked for socks for Christmas and no one got me any! As for saggy bras, I daren't say anything on that score

@BookWorm45 I joined Eat Your Books from a MN recommendation and it's been great for getting me to try more recipes. Although this possibly hasn't helped with my weight loss plans

@Peasepuddingbloodycold both the habits books are so useful, I realised how true they were when I did C25K - I managed it by running straight after school drop off and then I felt virtuous all day and ate better too - but now my work pattern's changed I can't do it, sadly.

@Lordofthebutterfloofs that was a really helpful Facebook post, thank you!

@Wishihadanalgorithm sending you very best wishes for your treatment

Hope the New Year has started well for everyone!

Morning - also quite relieved to be back to work/school/routine (ND household, we don't do well without it ).

Thanks for the thread @Brightstar84 - hoping it will keep me on the straight and narrow!

Started the day with yoga AND lemon water AND vitamins (and all the coffee). I'm trying to get back into IF - I do well at not eating until 10/11, but can't stop snacking in the evening. I've booked an exercise class later to help with that.

I'm also not aiming for 10K steps @oxymomon as I know I'll be disappointed! If I can average 6K a day over Jan I'll be happy. Hoping to walk to the charity shop with some outgrown kids' clothes at lunchtime if the rain ever stops!

If anything, my mental health and self care has been worse since the new year started rather than better 😞 it doesn’t help that I’m having some relationship trauma with someone who is blatantly emotionally unavailable yet I hang on every word. I really need to get, and keep busy, and work on my self esteem, but I somehow just seem paralysed.

@Gufo Also trying intermittent fasting but just aiming for 5 days a week. Knowing I can have something in the evening a couple of days a week helps.

Had a big sort out of kallax in living room yesterday so hopefully easier for DC to get things out to play without room becoming overwhelming. Stayed up late to do it but felt good this morning to see room looking better.

But didn't actually get outside all day with friends coming round and trying to get things done, so that wasn't great.

Aww Brightstar, can you take a few minutes and ask yourself what you need right now?

@Blip thanks blip, what i need right now is just a bit of self esteem and self control when it comes to my emotions. I’ve had an alcohol free day when so often I’d turn to the bottle for a solution (I had a nap instead)

need to get going on the exercise as need those endorphins and the weight I lost last year is starting to creep back on

Oh brilliant to go for a nap instead of alcohol, well done!

What I really mean is take a couple of quiet minutes to tune into your body and ask it what it needs at that time...could be a glass of water, could be a rub for a sore muscle somewhere, could be turning off the radio and closing your eyes for a bit, that kind of immediate thing.

Are you getting any counselling support at the moment?

And do you do anything creative or expressive to help process your emotions?