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Original poster

Told that I’m not pretty

139 replies

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:47

Changed username because I don’t want this thread seen by a family member (my side) who is on MN.

We’ve seen a lot of family over the last few days, who hasn’t, it’s Christmas. I thought we’d had a lovely few days, until this evening.

Both DH and I are 43. DH’s brother, my BIL is 40, and he brought his new GF over for the first time. GF is 22 and seemed very nice at first.

I just want to say at this point that I’ve never been keen on DBil, he’s a bit of a show off and when he’s over to see DH, I usually go have a bath and a read upstairs, staying out of their way.

Anyway, today I have to stay downstairs and be sociable as GF is there.

In front of all of us, plus DH’s auntie she says “well, you’re not as pretty as I expected you’d be…oh sorry, I don’t mean it like that (giggle) it’s just that I got told that you looked like (a particular celebrity) and I really don’t think you do.”

One, I have never told anyone that I am pretty and two, I have never compared myself to a celebrity. In any case, I’d agree, I don’t think I look like this person either. I’m just me. 43 year old, slightly podgy me.

It took me by surprise and I felt so embarrassed and belittled in front of my husband. He didn’t say anything either. Everyone just went quiet. To which she said “awkward”.

I finally responded with “well, I’m not sure who was having you on, but I’m sorry to disappoint (forced laugh)” And I offered drinks so I could leave the room.

They’ve gone now, but I feel crap about myself and it’s spoiled the last few days. DH says to ignore it, but it’s was just so personal and appearance focused. I even had a quick google of the cost of some Botox and filler.

I’m also feel angry with DH for minimising and making me feel that I’m the one being silly. His attitude is that she’ll likely be gone in a month or two and her opinion isn’t worth listening to, and he’s reassured me that he thinks I’m gorgeous. But it just keeps going through my head. It’s really unfair, because I never claimed to be anything,I’ve never met her before, but yet I feel really crap now.

Im not sure why I’m posting. I’m not going to do anything. I think I just needed to get it off my chest, or perhaps hear that I’m just being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Hawkins001 · 27/12/2022 02:48

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:55

?

Show quote history

The actor as he's currently dating a women around half his age,

Kennykenkencat · 27/12/2022 02:48

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:52

He doesn’t date anyone much older than that.

Show quote history

Must be a certain type of 22 year old as the ones I know think 30 is far too old. 40 would be like going out with one of your dads mates. Probably why this gf is going to be gone in a few weeks.

Dery · 27/12/2022 02:51

“Well if she's dating some bloke old enough to be her father of COURSE she's insecure. And she was put in a social situation she wasn't equipped for. By your creepy BIL. Yuk, BTW.

The wonderful thing about getter older is what you lose in glossy tautness you make up for in wisdom, knowledge and hopefully kindness. Maybe turn some of that on her. Who cares what she thinks of you? I'd be sad that she thinks so little of herself.”

This with bells on. Your BIL sounds like an awful sleaze.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/12/2022 02:58

What's she? a traffic stopper. Do melt and faint because of her beauty

Geppili · 27/12/2022 03:02

A manipulative bitch. Ignore.

Furries · 27/12/2022 03:03

Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:16

Well, I don’t look like anyone. About 20 years ago I used to get told I looked like Mariah Carey. I probably look like her mum now.

It’s MUCH easier said than done, but honestly just ignore her.

Am sorry, but this post of yours made me smile - and I think gives a good insight as to how you are as a person. I’ve got a feeling that you’re a great person to be around.

If you fancy a bit of light relief/distraction, take a look at this thread from Classics. Apologies if you’ve already seen it, but it always makes me smile.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnet_classics/3106919-Anyone-want-to-come-and-mourn-the-reality-vs-expectation-of-new-purchases-with-me

mumyes · 27/12/2022 03:13

What a stupid woman / girl.

Ignore.

Your DH sounds like good stuff...I like his reaction.

mumyes · 27/12/2022 03:14

Azandme · 27/12/2022 00:05

"The only reason it's awkward is because people are stunned that you are so lacking in social skills. Drink?"

Xmas Grin
Summer2424 · 27/12/2022 03:24

@Humiliatedandconfused that's really unkind of BIL's GF to say that. I think she was just being nasty and it's nothing actually to do with your appearance. She sounds like she's intimidated by how damn good you look at 43! x

kateandme · 27/12/2022 03:26

What's pretty?
I hate to bring that old line up but eye of the beholder and all that.
so this is about how YOU feel and therefore were stung.because you should feel gorgeous in yourself that what she says slips off.(or okay we live in today's society so gorgeous might be pushing it) but you should feeling secure enough.
Nervous or not none says that shit unless they are vapid idiots to start with.and anyone that focuses and mentions looks in that way aren't worth your headspace.feel sorry for her.
Tell your dh. That for whatever reason right or wrong this is hit a sensitive place and you could be used some reassurance.
If this us what she chooses to think about, or mention then feel for her op.shes going to live so miserably.dont be sucked in.
And ask yourself some questions.why you felt this harder today.what work you breed to do so this isn't an issue.
Why is your age an issue.

cammie · 27/12/2022 04:13

@Lexi868 please you don't need to quote the whole message to respond, we know what/who you're responding to Smile

Just imagine if every poster quoted the OP. It would take ages to scroll to see the actual response.

Ugzbugz · 27/12/2022 04:35

Your not as pretty as I expected you to be says you are more pretty. Still fucking rude but.....

40 plus with a 22 year old 🤢🤢🤢🤢 this is this the issue and tbhh you must all seem old including him.

AnyMucca · 27/12/2022 04:36

OP doesn't need to do work on her self-esteem. A guest was welcomed into her home and insulted her. The guest was a snide little cunt, probably a mean girl at school. Next time, refuse him bringing a guest and continue to avoid.

jevoudrais · 27/12/2022 04:40

Wow how rude..! I try to store up the 'did you mean to be so rude??' MN stock saying for such situations but whether I would remember at the time I do not know. That was awful of her. She sounds like an insecure and socially inept moron. I wouldn't be rushing to spend any time with them.

ClarathecrosseyedLioness · 27/12/2022 04:46

I would remember the Judge Judy phrase "Beauty fades, but dumb is forever" and keep it in your arsenal. 🙂
It's very effective for dealing with airheads.

bobisbored · 27/12/2022 04:49

I think I'd have said "I'm not sure if you realise but that just came out out-loud!" Silly little girl. I bet you're gorgeous x

Notarealmum · 27/12/2022 05:17

She just said you weren’t AS pretty as a particular celeb. It was tactless of her but nothing to get screwed up about imo.

DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 27/12/2022 05:20

Don’t wish to get too technical here as the gf clearly a socially inept idiot, but if it helps your mindset, she didn’t actually say you weren’t pretty, just not AS pretty as the celebrity which she was told you look like. Dunno if that’ll help!

DonutCrossMeIEatYou · 27/12/2022 05:21

Notarealmum · 27/12/2022 05:17

She just said you weren’t AS pretty as a particular celeb. It was tactless of her but nothing to get screwed up about imo.

Sorry, literally crossposted exact same thing you said!

margueritebutterfly · 27/12/2022 05:35

Yikes! Similar happened to me when I was about 58 yrs. old.... Large family get together including my nephew's new girlfriend (early 20s) and all of us were looking at my mom's "wall of family photos".

My mom had a picture of me when I was about 24 and as we were pointing out who everyone was in each photo, I said "this is a photo of me". Before I could say anything else, the new GF said "No, it isn't".

I was stunned into silence, but in my mind I was thinking "In another 30 years, two children, a Narcissistic husband and all the hard work and hard times that life throws at you, this will be YOU, too". But I didn't say anything....... LMAO

Lampzade · 27/12/2022 05:36

So would posters ignore offensive comments or would you mention it to the person who made the offensive comment and ask for an apology

Deathraystare · 27/12/2022 05:40

Should have sighed, looked at the clock and told Bil that his toddler was acting up and being rather silly . Is it not way past her bedtime ?

AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 05:46

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:56

Probably just MiL. She always says I look nice. But she’s slightly mad.

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My ExMiL thinks I look like Jane McDonald. She’s batty too but delightful and generous otherwise.

Lenald · 27/12/2022 05:46

The fact she was CLEARLY so intimidated by you says to me you are pretty. She’s vile - I say ignore it too, total twat.

Rickandmortified100 · 27/12/2022 05:54

Am I the only one who thinks she’s jealous and insecure because it was BIL who told her you were beautiful and looked like this celebrity? And it made her feel paranoid and she wanted to put you down in front of him? Maybe BIL has a bit of a thing for you and that’s why he only dates idiotic, unpleasant women half his age.