Told that I’m not pretty

[Humiliatedandconfused]

Changed username because I don’t want this thread seen by a family member (my side) who is on MN.

We’ve seen a lot of family over the last few days, who hasn’t, it’s Christmas. I thought we’d had a lovely few days, until this evening.

Both DH and I are 43. DH’s brother, my BIL is 40, and he brought his new GF over for the first time. GF is 22 and seemed very nice at first.

I just want to say at this point that I’ve never been keen on DBil, he’s a bit of a show off and when he’s over to see DH, I usually go have a bath and a read upstairs, staying out of their way.

Anyway, today I have to stay downstairs and be sociable as GF is there.

In front of all of us, plus DH’s auntie she says “well, you’re not as pretty as I expected you’d be…oh sorry, I don’t mean it like that (giggle) it’s just that I got told that you looked like (a particular celebrity) and I really don’t think you do.”

One, I have never told anyone that I am pretty and two, I have never compared myself to a celebrity. In any case, I’d agree, I don’t think I look like this person either. I’m just me. 43 year old, slightly podgy me.

It took me by surprise and I felt so embarrassed and belittled in front of my husband. He didn’t say anything either. Everyone just went quiet. To which she said “awkward”.

I finally responded with “well, I’m not sure who was having you on, but I’m sorry to disappoint (forced laugh)” And I offered drinks so I could leave the room.

They’ve gone now, but I feel crap about myself and it’s spoiled the last few days. DH says to ignore it, but it’s was just so personal and appearance focused. I even had a quick google of the cost of some Botox and filler.

I’m also feel angry with DH for minimising and making me feel that I’m the one being silly. His attitude is that she’ll likely be gone in a month or two and her opinion isn’t worth listening to, and he’s reassured me that he thinks I’m gorgeous. But it just keeps going through my head. It’s really unfair, because I never claimed to be anything,I’ve never met her before, but yet I feel really crap now.

Im not sure why I’m posting. I’m not going to do anything. I think I just needed to get it off my chest, or perhaps hear that I’m just being over sensitive.

Someone thinks you are pretty and look like a celeb. Take that as a positive. It's not DHs fault for minimising. Not much he can do He's secure in his feelings and appreciation of you and is probably just a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️.

OP this thread has just reminded me of the time I showed an ex colleague a picture of me about fifteen years ago, pre kids and looking like a model. She said, 'Whoa, you've really let yourself go'.😒

I was shocked speechless at the rudeness. And somehow it irked more because she was no oil painting, either.

Yes, genuinely.

Had she just said, “MIl said you look like MC but I don’t think you do” or something along those lines, I’d probably have laughed and agreed.

I did at the time, feel like I was being put in my place and being made to feel small.

However, I’ve honestly put it to bed now and I’m going to change my username back to normal, so I likely won’t post on this thread again.

But before I do, I just wanted to say one final thank you and that I appreciate all the responses and especially those that made me think just that bit more objectively and less egotistically.

Hope everyone has a very happy 2023!

She's a twat. End of.

'That's funny, I was just thinking the same about you! All of BILs previous 20 year girlfriends have been much prettier than you.'

Sorry, that was mean of me!

Honestly, OP, one of the benefits of getting older is no longer caring what 20 somethings think of you! I really wouldn't give her comment any more thought at all. Certainly don't let this random comment from a woman happy to be the latest in a conveyor belt of status shags from a sad sack middle aged man, trouble you at all.

It sounds as though bil is the one who has been bigging you up and she's insecure

Your a grown woman, why are you standing there meekly whilst your husband yells at a woman young enough to be his kid? How is your husband "destroying her with words" for a stupid throw away comment something to brag about?

*you're

oh you’re a better woman than me - I would have asked her how her GCSEs are going

@Humiliatedandconfused I'm so sorry. How horribly insensitive. Please don't feel you need to change anything about yourself unless YOU want to. Her ignorant comment says far more about her than it does you. Also 22 And 40 is a huge age gap and a red flag. When I was that age I also dated a 40 year old and looking back on it now it was just creepy. Hope you are doing ok and can do something nice for yourself today

Is your BIL Leonardo DeCaprio by any chance?

I am sure that you are lovely and that the opinion of some random 22 year old stranger is not really that valid. She sounds a bit immature, if you ask me.

I have no advice but I just wanted to say that she is a f*cking bitch.

Why would anyone just come out with this?

I'd say because bil fancies you and has told her you look like x. She's been intimidated by this and relieved when she sees you, she can't see what he says and therefore thinks... great! Actually she's not that pretty! I'm ok I've got a chance.

It's her own insecurity.

Not many people could tell me I'm ugly and I would care. Only certain people would I trust.

You need to work on your own self esteem and not let this sort of thing worry you.

Why the need to destroy anyone's with word,...it's this needs for validation that is the concern