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Original poster

Told that I’m not pretty

139 replies

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:47

Changed username because I don’t want this thread seen by a family member (my side) who is on MN.

We’ve seen a lot of family over the last few days, who hasn’t, it’s Christmas. I thought we’d had a lovely few days, until this evening.

Both DH and I are 43. DH’s brother, my BIL is 40, and he brought his new GF over for the first time. GF is 22 and seemed very nice at first.

I just want to say at this point that I’ve never been keen on DBil, he’s a bit of a show off and when he’s over to see DH, I usually go have a bath and a read upstairs, staying out of their way.

Anyway, today I have to stay downstairs and be sociable as GF is there.

In front of all of us, plus DH’s auntie she says “well, you’re not as pretty as I expected you’d be…oh sorry, I don’t mean it like that (giggle) it’s just that I got told that you looked like (a particular celebrity) and I really don’t think you do.”

One, I have never told anyone that I am pretty and two, I have never compared myself to a celebrity. In any case, I’d agree, I don’t think I look like this person either. I’m just me. 43 year old, slightly podgy me.

It took me by surprise and I felt so embarrassed and belittled in front of my husband. He didn’t say anything either. Everyone just went quiet. To which she said “awkward”.

I finally responded with “well, I’m not sure who was having you on, but I’m sorry to disappoint (forced laugh)” And I offered drinks so I could leave the room.

They’ve gone now, but I feel crap about myself and it’s spoiled the last few days. DH says to ignore it, but it’s was just so personal and appearance focused. I even had a quick google of the cost of some Botox and filler.

I’m also feel angry with DH for minimising and making me feel that I’m the one being silly. His attitude is that she’ll likely be gone in a month or two and her opinion isn’t worth listening to, and he’s reassured me that he thinks I’m gorgeous. But it just keeps going through my head. It’s really unfair, because I never claimed to be anything,I’ve never met her before, but yet I feel really crap now.

Im not sure why I’m posting. I’m not going to do anything. I think I just needed to get it off my chest, or perhaps hear that I’m just being over sensitive.

OP posts:
Oblomov22 · 26/12/2022 23:50

What a nasty twat. 22 and incredibly immature. What's 40 year old bil doing with her anyway? Ignore.

(I'm no beauty, but I scrub up well.)

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:52

Oblomov22 · 26/12/2022 23:50

What a nasty twat. 22 and incredibly immature. What's 40 year old bil doing with her anyway? Ignore.

(I'm no beauty, but I scrub up well.)

He doesn’t date anyone much older than that.

OP posts:
Forgetmenot54 · 26/12/2022 23:53

That is so rude and out of order. I would be so hurt as well even though you don't know her and haven't met her before.
I would be furious also! The only thing I can say is that she's very young amd maybe didn't think first but even when you're 22 , you know what is rude and what isn't. Could she be jealous or feel intimidated somehow? As that's one of the reasons people tend to put others down.
Anyway I'm sorry you had to hear that, it was a really shitty thing for her to say and I don't blame you if you never want her in your house again after that.

Handwringingpearlclutch · 26/12/2022 23:54

It’s Leo, isn’t it?

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:55

Handwringingpearlclutch · 26/12/2022 23:54

It’s Leo, isn’t it?

?

OP posts:
RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2022 23:55

On rinse and repeat op. She's 22 and probably not very bright emotionally intelligent. I'd practise very thoughtfully and carefully "it's lovely to see you again, I was wondering why you haven't got a man closer to your age"

On the flip side op, she's confirmed that some one must have been really bigging you up. In their eyes you are the gorgeous celeb lookalike.

Eatentoomanyroses · 26/12/2022 23:56

What a lovely girl. She’ll go far. Not. I think if she’s dating a 40 year old she’s probably got issues.
I’d be pissed off as well.

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:56

RosesAndHellebores · 26/12/2022 23:55

On rinse and repeat op. She's 22 and probably not very bright emotionally intelligent. I'd practise very thoughtfully and carefully "it's lovely to see you again, I was wondering why you haven't got a man closer to your age"

On the flip side op, she's confirmed that some one must have been really bigging you up. In their eyes you are the gorgeous celeb lookalike.

Probably just MiL. She always says I look nice. But she’s slightly mad.

OP posts:
pictoosh · 26/12/2022 23:57

I'm with your dh.
With kindness, you're being a bit of an egotist in that this has bothered you so much. Why worry?
I think you handled it really well (she was rude) and can dismiss it as a lack of social skill on her part than a reliable critique of your looks.

Delectable · 26/12/2022 23:57

That's very rude. So either your DH or BIL pushed her down to her place?

Lexi868 · 26/12/2022 23:59

Humiliatedandconfused · 26/12/2022 23:47

Changed username because I don’t want this thread seen by a family member (my side) who is on MN.

We’ve seen a lot of family over the last few days, who hasn’t, it’s Christmas. I thought we’d had a lovely few days, until this evening.

Both DH and I are 43. DH’s brother, my BIL is 40, and he brought his new GF over for the first time. GF is 22 and seemed very nice at first.

I just want to say at this point that I’ve never been keen on DBil, he’s a bit of a show off and when he’s over to see DH, I usually go have a bath and a read upstairs, staying out of their way.

Anyway, today I have to stay downstairs and be sociable as GF is there.

In front of all of us, plus DH’s auntie she says “well, you’re not as pretty as I expected you’d be…oh sorry, I don’t mean it like that (giggle) it’s just that I got told that you looked like (a particular celebrity) and I really don’t think you do.”

One, I have never told anyone that I am pretty and two, I have never compared myself to a celebrity. In any case, I’d agree, I don’t think I look like this person either. I’m just me. 43 year old, slightly podgy me.

It took me by surprise and I felt so embarrassed and belittled in front of my husband. He didn’t say anything either. Everyone just went quiet. To which she said “awkward”.

I finally responded with “well, I’m not sure who was having you on, but I’m sorry to disappoint (forced laugh)” And I offered drinks so I could leave the room.

They’ve gone now, but I feel crap about myself and it’s spoiled the last few days. DH says to ignore it, but it’s was just so personal and appearance focused. I even had a quick google of the cost of some Botox and filler.

I’m also feel angry with DH for minimising and making me feel that I’m the one being silly. His attitude is that she’ll likely be gone in a month or two and her opinion isn’t worth listening to, and he’s reassured me that he thinks I’m gorgeous. But it just keeps going through my head. It’s really unfair, because I never claimed to be anything,I’ve never met her before, but yet I feel really crap now.

Im not sure why I’m posting. I’m not going to do anything. I think I just needed to get it off my chest, or perhaps hear that I’m just being over sensitive.

That's shocking she said that! Maybe she is threatened by other women and feels the need to bring you down. It says more about her shallowness and insecurity than you. Don't get botox- age gracefully and ignore that nasty child! ( she is very young and likely more teenage minded)

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:00

pictoosh · 26/12/2022 23:57

I'm with your dh.
With kindness, you're being a bit of an egotist in that this has bothered you so much. Why worry?
I think you handled it really well (she was rude) and can dismiss it as a lack of social skill on her part than a reliable critique of your looks.

I guess. I don’t think I’m a beauty, but I even made a bit of an effort this evening, so to be put down ‘physically’ did hurt my ego. I know that in itself is unreasonable and I should be more mature…but I’m only human.

OP posts:
MadMadMadamMim · 27/12/2022 00:00

I'd have DH text his brother to say "Your new gf is so incredibly immature and rude that she's not welcome here again. Perhaps you could try dating adult women in the future? Or at least ones with a modicum of manners so that they are fit to bring along as guests. She was bitchy to @Humiliatedandconfused who was her host and you owe us an apology. Don't bring her back again."

That's what a DH who had your back would do. His BIL should be apologetic. And stop inflicting a series of silly creatures on his family.

livingfarfromfamily · 27/12/2022 00:00

That’s so rude, I’m embarrassed for her. She made herself look ridiculous. I’d be hurt in your shoes too but try not to let it bother you if you can. She probably thought she was being funny and realised too late that she wasn’t.

I said some pretty stupid things when I was 22 as well, although hopefully nothing as stupid as that.

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:00

Delectable · 26/12/2022 23:57

That's very rude. So either your DH or BIL pushed her down to her place?

No one said anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:02

DH keeps telling me to just forget it.

OP posts:
hugefanofcheese · 27/12/2022 00:03

God how unpleasant.

My feeling here is that BIL sounds a funny one if he only dates very young women so possibly he engages in manipulative behaviour trying to make them feel insecure and stay with him as long as he wants them around. He may have been saying 'my SIL is an absolute knockout. My brother is so lucky. She looks just like [whoever]'. GF has felt intimidated and hurt by this, but has not had the maturity to recognise the behaviour for what it is, and tell him to sod off, instead taking it out on you.

I understand you're disappointed in your husband not sticking up for you, but if he's usually a good guy then I would assume he was just completely taken aback by such rude and odd behaviour and didn't think quickly enough to reply.

PenanceAdair · 27/12/2022 00:04

I'd listen to your DH. For whatever reason she's said it, either deliberately or she's the sort of person who says rude things without meaning to, it should not matter to you what this person thinks.

Please don't go looking for cosmetic surgery off the comment of one random woman, not even if your DH said this. Being '22 and thin' doesn't automatically make someone prettier than '40 year old podgy' you. And even if she is prettier, so what? It doesn't make you ugly either.

Think about what matters to you instead and don't let yourself go down that road.

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 00:04

Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:02

DH keeps telling me to just forget it.

I mean ultimately that's good advice but only after validating your feelings by have a bitch sesh with you about her for at least half an hour...

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 27/12/2022 00:05

Don't let the silly airhead get to you as she sounds rude and stupid and why is he dating someone aged 22 if he is 40plus. You handled yourself well and don't let her get you down. People like that usually put other's down to make themselves feel better. Bet you have lots of lovely things about you and remember that. Am 53 and would be tempted get a little bit of filler around the mouth but then I see all the young ones in their 20's with their weird mouths from too much filler etc and they look vile. Why does he keep bringing these temporary girlfriends over, is he hoping it makes him look younger or more virile. I would love to be 43 so you can swap with me if you like ha!!! Love yourself and never let someone put you down. Can't believe people are so rude...

tinselvestsparklepants · 27/12/2022 00:05

Unfortunately if you don't let this go then the issue will soon be seen as yours rather than hers. She was rude - but probably nervous, and said something stupid. You're understandably fed up, but you need to forget about it now and move on. Don't try to change your looks based on a bad 5 mins, it's ultimately your BIL who needs to change, not you!

Azandme · 27/12/2022 00:05

"The only reason it's awkward is because people are stunned that you are so lacking in social skills. Drink?"

Original poster
Humiliatedandconfused · 27/12/2022 00:06

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 00:04

I mean ultimately that's good advice but only after validating your feelings by have a bitch sesh with you about her for at least half an hour...

Show quote history

I would have appreciated that at least.

OP posts:
BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 27/12/2022 00:07

I think your husband was probably as shocked as you were and sometimes in that situation people are just speechless and only afterwards you think that you should have said something and agree with the other poster 'hugefanofcheese' bet he was saying how lovely you were and trying make her feel insecure so that is why she said that. Now curious as to who you look like..

SleepingStandingUp · 27/12/2022 00:09

Well you MIL clearly loves you, so that's nice. And DH is right, forget the opinion of some shallow 22 yo who's choice in men is someone old enough to be her Dad that you don't like. So speaks volumes for her judgement.
And frankly, your DH declaring you are in fact t the most gorgeous person he's ever snogged, or that you do indeed look like Tess Daly is just adding fuel to the fire for her to make some other stupid comment. It doesn't mean he thinks she's right, just that what DO you say, other than "well that's ride" to which she'd say she wasn't and it's either an awkward silence or an argument

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