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Original poster

Xmas guests stropping off🙈

160 replies

Youwhatnowbiggles · 26/12/2022 23:22

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

OP posts:
jtaeapa · 26/12/2022 23:25

OMFG - next year have a private christmas - no guests!

Lilliflip · 26/12/2022 23:25

It’s two different issues I’m afraid…your DH sounds like he treated them like children ‘telling them off’ and I can see why an adult wouldn’t like that and it would leave a sour taste.
However 15 people for 5 days is a hell of a lot of hosting… you must be a saint for that alone, and everyone should be grateful for that, but it’s completely unconnected to the above issue.

Applecottagetree · 26/12/2022 23:28

15 people for 5 days?! Madness. Was drink involved? Sounds like maybe too much was had and people were tired. At our family meetings we have a few topics which are not to be discussed in order to avoid this kind of drama/arguing!

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Sparklfairy · 26/12/2022 23:31

Oh, let em flounce.

LuluBlakey1 · 26/12/2022 23:32

I can't read past 'I have had 15 people in the house for 5 nights'. That is enough to ensure a complete meltdown in this house. I would not cope. I'd be a wreck with stress, rage, irritation, exhaustion and would have no sense of humour or patience left.

MerryMarigold · 26/12/2022 23:32

Aren't you glad they are finally going?

MelchiorsMistress · 26/12/2022 23:33

It’s pretty rude of your DH to suddenly decide in the middle of a debate that he’s going to shut it down. People don’t like being silenced, even when they have been hosted for days. Presumably you invited them so you can’t hold that against them but you know for next year that visits need to be shorter!

WhatLikeItsHard · 26/12/2022 23:34

Your DH sounds rude, you sound like a martyr, and they sound ungrateful. 15 people in a house for 5 days sounds like madness.

Doyoumind · 26/12/2022 23:41

I don't think your dh was rude. He asked for the debate to stop and they carried on. Then he put an end to it. I think it's fair enough to respect the hosts' wishes. I can't bear flounders. So childish.

Doyoumind · 26/12/2022 23:42

*flouncers! Bloody autocorrect.

SushiGo · 26/12/2022 23:43

I am surprised by people saying it was rude for the host to say they didn't want to discuss a topic any more. If people are getting upset it's totally reasonable for the host to step in and just tell everyone to leave it.

You don't mention if everyone had been drinking. If they were drunk I'd suggest they might sheepishly apologise tomorrow. Don't worry too much until you've talked about it sober.

MerryMarigold · 26/12/2022 23:44

MelchiorsMistress · 26/12/2022 23:33

It’s pretty rude of your DH to suddenly decide in the middle of a debate that he’s going to shut it down. People don’t like being silenced, even when they have been hosted for days. Presumably you invited them so you can’t hold that against them but you know for next year that visits need to be shorter!

Well he did say his wife was getting stressed so it needed to end. The other party didn't want to be polite and generous enough (in someone else's home who has been serving them for 5 days) to say, "ok fine. It's upsetting my host, I didn't realise but I'll stop now." No! They put their 'need' to keep going at the argument above everything else. OP, the only thing I'm confused about is why you're upset they're leaving. I think you're well rid.

hugefanofcheese · 26/12/2022 23:46

DH could have handled it much more graciously. Adults aren't going to like being told 'enough' like children. When the gues carried on he could have said 'all good points but let's leave this discussion here for now, it is a bit of a controversial one! Have you seen XYZ lighthearted news story/ TV programme?'

Separately, that's a huge number of house guests for a long period. Too much for most people to enjoy.

Coffeellama · 26/12/2022 23:46

Your DH handled it poorly and was rude. Just be relieved they are gone. Some people like to debate though, if you don’t you could have just taken the opportunity for some time for yourself and left them to it rather than demanding everyone stopped.

MargotChateau · 26/12/2022 23:50

I disagree with PP. Politics can wind most reasonable people up and it doesn’t matter who started it etc, as soon as OP’s DH said the host (OP) had, had enough, it should have been enough to end the argument and for both sides to realise that it’s bad manners to argue about politics/religion etc at family events.

Let them flounce and don’t invite them again. DH should have shut the conversation down from the get go, but I understand the difficulty if your family and this situation are/was anything like my thick inlaws, their racist, misogynistic views are very hard not to react to. I now just avoid them like the plague to avoid arguments.

Merrilydancing · 26/12/2022 23:51

Complete win win, you get rid of them and don’t need to invite them back.

Life is just too short to worry about rude houseguests.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 27/12/2022 00:23

If that were me, I think I’d be heartily glad that they’ve fucked off, in a strop or not. I certainly wouldn’t invite again any guest bad mannered enough to cause a row.

5 days is too long anyway. As the old Greek saying has it, after 4 days guests and fish stink.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 01:43

Your dh stopped the conversation by positioning himself as the adult and them as the child being told off. It was clumsy, and is unsurprising it was not received well.

That said, unless you live in a mansion, of course people are getting tetchy, it is too many people to squash together for any length of time.

mrsm43s · 27/12/2022 01:55

Yeah, you're DH behaved poorly in the way he talked to the guests. Barking "enough!" at grown adults? Awful behaviour. Please make sure he apologies and clears the air before the leave tomorrow.

MichelleScarn · 27/12/2022 02:25

Urg! Can't stand it when people insist on 'debate' when what they really mean is to pontificate and drone on, or are just looking for a fight!

Hawkins001 · 27/12/2022 02:30

What was the debate about? @Youwhatnowbiggles

Lexi868 · 27/12/2022 02:31

Quite funny how there is an active debate on here over whether it was rude or not for the host to put an end to a debate at Xmas. The need for people to argue their opinions and be right is a bit confusing to me.

I better keep my mouth closed on my opinion on this one 😆 🤣 😂

OriginalUsername2 · 27/12/2022 03:01

Maybe DP came across a bit too strict. As an adult that would sting being made to feel small. A lighter “alright guys, come on now” or your regional equivalent might have been relieved better.

OriginalUsername2 · 27/12/2022 03:02

Received ^

determinedtomakethiswork · 27/12/2022 03:03

Put their bags by the front door.

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