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Original poster

Xmas guests stropping off🙈

160 replies

Youwhatnowbiggles · 26/12/2022 23:22

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

OP posts:
Pussycat22 · 28/12/2022 21:44

There is an old saying that "fish and guests start to smell after three days".

Nagado · 28/12/2022 21:53

I think he handled it really badly. If he was a ‘major protagonist in the debate’ then what did he think would happen when he told your guests to end the debate in the way he did? All he had to say was that he’d have to agree to disagree and end the debate there because it was starting to upset you and after all the hard work you’ve done looking after everyone, upsetting the hostess was bad form. And then change the subject. Job done, nobody upset and everyone parts on friendly terms.

KatherineJaneway · 28/12/2022 22:44

OP?

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Families
gimmepeaceandsky · 28/12/2022 23:05

Hahahahhahaha ! comic!!

I couldn’t past the 15 guests lol
I had one overstating for 5 days and will be very strict with my kindness next year.

Fxxk that !
I thought I was going to rest for 5 days ffs

I feel your pain :(

Mamanyt · 28/12/2022 23:31

Oh, I'd get trampled for stating my opinion. However, OP, in your place, I'd be overjoyed that they are leaving, and I'd be giving my DH a BIG hug...or more.

I have very strong views on people who insist on arguing at the dinner table after being told to stop, especially guests.

sue20 · 29/12/2022 05:23

I think both DH and gusts are wrong and need an etiquette lesson. Presumably these guests are relatives or close friends so continuation of aggro and stand off from both sides is understandably upsetting to OP because DC will feel upset by this and it’s not their fault.

Heyhoitsme · 29/12/2022 06:48

15 guests guests for 5 days!!! I'm surprised there wasn't more than a flounce. Everyone, including your DH must be so stressed. Never ever host them again.

confusedlots · 29/12/2022 08:13

Bit disappointed reading this thread, I only opened it because I thought the title was about Xmas guests stripping off!

Stewball01 · 29/12/2022 08:23

@determinedtomakethiswork . 🤣🤣. Jolly good idea.
I don't think DH was rude. He'd already said OP was getting stressed and to stop the debate. They were rude to ignore this and carried on regardless. I'm sorry the children will be upset but that's adults for you.

ancientgran · 29/12/2022 13:18

Danielle9891 · 28/12/2022 19:33

Maybe OH should have spoken to them like adults. Did he really say 'this debate ends now?' like a school teacher telling off children.
I would have packed my stuff up there and then and left. I wouldn't want to be ordered around like that especially in front of other people or children.
But to be fair on your husband 15 people for 5 days is too stressful. I struggled with 5 extra people for 6 hours on Christmas day.

He said his wife was upset, do you think he should have ignored her needs?

Lennon80 · 29/12/2022 13:21

I think I’d have to know what the argument was about to comment - if you don’t like debates don’t have 15 people over for five days - recipe for disaster!

ancientgran · 29/12/2022 13:34

Lennon80 · 29/12/2022 13:21

I think I’d have to know what the argument was about to comment - if you don’t like debates don’t have 15 people over for five days - recipe for disaster!

Why does it matter what it was about, the hostess was upset and wanted it to stop. Her house, her rules.

Highfivemum · 29/12/2022 14:21

Your DH did the right thing. It could have got worse and it is your home so your rules. Personally I would be glad to see the back of them.
hope you have learnt your lesson for next Christmas. 15 is too many for 5 days

MummyJ36 · 29/12/2022 14:23

Yikes your DH was so rude. Debates happen, it’s not unheard of. Whether you are hosting or not it’s not up to one adult to shout “Enough!” like they’re talking to a group of children.

LlynTegid · 29/12/2022 14:27

I'm with your DH even though would have been better if you had spoken up OP.

Main thing should be not to have 15 people again for five days.

poefaced · 29/12/2022 14:49

I know it’s poor form to describe women as Christmas martyrs but in this thread OP really is one.

ToWhitToWhoo · 29/12/2022 14:53

Well, unless you live in a mansion AND have lots of help, I think YWBU to expect yourself to host 15 people over 5 days in the first place!

But congratulations on managing it!

I would need to know a bit more about the conversation before making a full judgement on who was being U over that. Were people shouting insults at each other, or being racist/ misogynist/ homophobic, or was it just what diplomats call a 'frank exchange of views'? I do think that your dh was being a bit heavy-handed to snap ' Enough!', especially as he had been involved in the debate himself. It might have been more appropriate to say 'This is getting a bit intense for a Christmas meal; let's talk about something else' and bring up a new, less controversial topic. It also sounds a bit rude of the guests to just flounce out without at least thanking you for your hosting. But as I say, I don't know the full story.

butterfliedtwo · 29/12/2022 15:02

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2022 01:43

Your dh stopped the conversation by positioning himself as the adult and them as the child being told off. It was clumsy, and is unsurprising it was not received well.

That said, unless you live in a mansion, of course people are getting tetchy, it is too many people to squash together for any length of time.

Yeah, this.

butterfliedtwo · 29/12/2022 15:06

If he was a ‘major protagonist in the debate’ then what did he think would happen when he told your guests to end the debate in the way he did?

Exactly.

Ericaequites · 29/12/2022 15:15

Guests and fish stink after three days. Your husband was reasonable trying to end strife in the house. Next year, scale down the guests and shorten their visit.

canyoufeelit · 29/12/2022 15:17

Who wants to make a bet on the current affairs topic?

  • Covid measures
  • Gender Recognition Act
  • Brexit (bit passe now)
  • The NHS

I think the second one going by the DH seeing himself as a protagonist.

PrinceHaz · 29/12/2022 15:31

I love that they were leaving first thing in the morning and not immediately. Not so offended that they don’t take advantage of another night.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 29/12/2022 15:33

You’re assuming they had a car - and that, if they did, they hadn’t been drinking (which, given how heated the ‘debate’ was getting, seems unlikely).

Bluekerfuffle · 29/12/2022 15:54

ive had 15 in the house

”I’ve had 15 in the mansion” surely? Can’t imagine having 15 people staying in a mere house for 5 days.

2Rebecca · 29/12/2022 16:16

The OP has stropped off

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