Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Xmas guests stropping off🙈

160 replies

Youwhatnowbiggles · 26/12/2022 23:22

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

OP posts:
Tekkentime · 27/12/2022 08:15

Baconking · 27/12/2022 08:11

OP's DH was also debating.

I think OP should have spoken up to put a stop to it. By getting her DH to do it he took the upper hand in the debate.
I also agree with PP that he treated the guest like a child in how he spoke to them.

Show quote history

Ahhh I didn't realise that he was also "debating", it does take the gloss off OP's DH, not really fair of him.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 08:18

TheCallOfTheMild · 27/12/2022 08:04

Well he was rude. He didn't calmly ask for the debate to stop, he commanded "This debate stops now!" Is he a teacher? Anyway, I imagine after 5 days the spirit of good will had worn very thin on all sides. Perhaps restrict numbers and length of visit to a more bearable level next time.

Agree with this. Nerves are frayed obviously.

rwalker · 27/12/2022 08:19

If you weren’t happy you should of put a stop to debate not DH
guest must a felt very uncomfortable in your house with both host shutting them down

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
rainyskylight · 27/12/2022 08:20

The problem is, if the DH had been a big debater and then suddenly shuts it down, it looks like him saying “I don’t want to listen to you anymore, I know that I’m right and your nonsense can’t convince me otherwise”. He was right to try and wrap it up, but clumsily done.

Perhaps if this is a regular occurrence the OP should learn to use her voice a bit more to stop it herself, as she’s more of a neutral party.

pictoosh · 27/12/2022 08:21

Yep...the "enough" (in no uncertain terms) and "the debate stops now" would get my back up, given he was a lively partipant in the proceedings himself. I'm not 5. He's not my dad. Nor is he OP's.
Go away bossy man.

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2022 08:22

Was it your DH’s father, by any chance? Is that why you’re worried the kids will be upset if grandparents go early?

Honestly - let them leave, non-issue.

However, why get involved in shutting down a ‘debate’ your DH was clearly happy enough to be having? Just leave the table and let them get on with it. Intervening made the problem, and your husband spoke to them rudely. On that score he did ‘behave badly’, I’m afraid.

Don’t host for as long next time.

diddl · 27/12/2022 08:23

Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before.

But if he has made them feel uncomfortable isn't it best that they leave?

Perhaps they will say thank you when they leave?

TheUndoing · 27/12/2022 08:24

I think your DH was a bit rude. It sounded like he shut the conversation down in a pretty patronising way, and it’s always going to frustrate people when a participant in a debate unilaterally shuts it down (usually when they’re not getting their way).

Pipsquiggle · 27/12/2022 08:26

AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 06:45

Be strong, Camilla, and let Andrew fuck off with Sarah.

@AutumnCrow
This made me laugh!

Pipsquiggle · 27/12/2022 08:27

@Youwhatnowbiggles

15 people for 5 nights is ridiculous.

You should have stated 2 or 3 nights max

Parky04 · 27/12/2022 08:31

No sympathy at all. 15 people for 5 nights! I wouldn't have 15 people for 1 night!

Ineedaduvetday · 27/12/2022 08:32

Why didn't you pipe up OP? Why get your DH to do it for you, considering he was part of the debate.

Hellybelly84 · 27/12/2022 08:33

Unless you have a very big house, 15 people together for 5 days over Xmas is always going to end in some kind of disagreement. Could you not have had less guests or some people just come for Xmas day? Theres no way I would let someone host 15 for Xmas.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 27/12/2022 08:51

That's too many people for too long. No wonder it ended in a row.

gettingolderandgrumpier · 27/12/2022 08:53

Let them go 5 days is too long imo , I think they’ve overstayed their welcome . Dh is probably fed up too and possibly went too far as they did. I think after a few days some adults can’t stay on their best behaviour and it slips .
just let them go but next time invite for 2 -3 days.

olympicsrock · 27/12/2022 09:08

I don’t think DH was rude. He said reasonably that the debate should stop because the hostess was upset and wanted it to stop. They ignored so he insisted.

The guests should have had more respect for the hostess who had worked bloody hard .

AngelinaFibres · 27/12/2022 09:09

In our house people come for Christmas eve ,if travelling, and leave Boxing day afternoon at the latest. That's my absolute limit. I don't have family abroad so massive journeys aren't an issue. It makes the inside of my head physically itch if I can't have my house / space back. I can be the absolute host of the year for that period of time but if I am hosting or I am the visitor 2 days is it. We have banned topics ,all the usual ones, and everyone adheres to this. Fifteen for 5 days makes me itch at the thought. Friend of mine had 10 family members for ten days and Christmas. She looked ill at the end of it. She is the queen of Christmas martyrs . I couldn't do it.

EqualFranknessWithYourLadyship · 27/12/2022 09:12

This sort of thing is quite common and a result of the structural problem (too many people for too long).

I would tell the kids just that - you’ve all been cooped up together for too long - it’s just like a play date that’s gone on too long.

AngelinaFibres · 27/12/2022 09:15

If you own a mansion, employ staff and have vast acres of land to run about in then 15 people for 5 nights is probably not too vile. Probably. If you don't then it is always going to end in tears . Too many, too long, too expensive, too many twats.

Jaxinthebox · 27/12/2022 09:16

I think both DH and guests were in the wrong. Delivery by DH could have been better and guest should have changed conversation.

Not sure why you didn't speak up, say something, change the subject etc.

Divebar2021 · 27/12/2022 09:23

You needed a game to play…. We’ve been playing Shots in the Dark which adults and children can play. Your DH needed to learn a more charming way of changing the subject and you both need to remember this experience next time Christmas comes around. I hope everyone has been pitching in with the cooking and tidying

GrinAndVomit · 27/12/2022 09:27

You say your husband was a “protagonist” in the debate. I take that to mean he got his point across clearly. He then shouted at the people with an opposite opinion “debate over” and “enough”.
I’d be annoyed too if I’d had to listen to someone put their own argument across and then silence the rest of the conversation.
How convenient for him that you asked it to stop after he’d finished making his point.

ancientgran · 27/12/2022 09:52

Tekkentime · 27/12/2022 08:15

Ahhh I didn't realise that he was also "debating", it does take the gloss off OP's DH, not really fair of him.

Show quote history

So because he was debating before he knew his wife was upset he shouldn't have asked them to stop when he did know she was upset? Even then it continued with no consideration for their hostess who was probably pretty tired and stresssed.

If you don't want to be treated like a child don't behave like one.

CruCru · 27/12/2022 09:56

Honestly? I don’t know who is in the wrong.

BUT 15 people for 5 days is a lot, even if you have a massive house. Whose idea was it to have so many for so long? If your husband was quarrelling with the houseguests, I assume that those guests were his side of the family (at least I hope so).

Next year you can say how upsetting the whole thing was for you and refuse to host again.

Shodan · 27/12/2022 09:59

Rude guests. High-handed DH. All should've been sent to bed without supper as they're clearly overtired.