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Original poster

Xmas guests stropping off🙈

160 replies

Youwhatnowbiggles · 26/12/2022 23:22

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

OP posts:
SummerHouse · 27/12/2022 11:31

Patiently waiting for the next instalment of "15 guests for 5 nights"....

Apairofsparklingeyes · 27/12/2022 11:31

Did they discuss Brexit?

LakieLady · 27/12/2022 11:32

AutumnCrow · 27/12/2022 06:41

Where do you live, Sandringham?

😂😂😂😂

I don't think I know 15 people I could bear to spend 48 hours with, never mind 5 days.

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Families
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/12/2022 11:33

SummerHouse · 27/12/2022 11:31

Patiently waiting for the next instalment of "15 guests for 5 nights"....

I swear someone could collate these threads and start writing a novel.

James Joyce already did this one: embarrassing Christmas dinner table scene on steroids' and a heated argument about nationalism.

Next up, the SNP ...

GentlemanJay · 27/12/2022 11:36

All because of the perfect Christmas we are all supposed to buy into.

Can't think of anything worse than being stuck in the same place with the same people for that length of time.

RustySprings · 27/12/2022 11:38

Christmas is an unnatural pressure cooker when groups of people gather - especially if they don't normally get together or interact the rest of the year.
Expectations and emotions will inevitably be heightened.

Hosting 15 people for 5 days is a pretty huge task and I am not surprised you are feeling upset. But the fact that your house made it through 5 days with 15 people before anything kicked off is an achievement. Ignore those who have ruffled feathers - it's their spat and issue.
It sounds like you have been a splendid host. I hope you get a chance to put your feet up today.

euff · 27/12/2022 11:43

Please update us with what happened today. Did they flounce off early?

Ramblingnamechanger · 27/12/2022 11:55

And what was the topic?

Figgygal · 27/12/2022 11:57

Your dh sounded like a total twat tbh and I'm sure it looked like it. Whether you've hosted all these people or not he sounds overly rude. Why not agree to disagree rather than yell at people?

Jumbojade · 27/12/2022 12:22

I honestly don’t think the OP’s dh has done anything wrong. OP asked him to put a stop to it. He tried to do this by saying to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. The fact that the other relative tried to continue the argument debate, shows that they would only keep going, despite OP’s discomfort! I would say well done to the dh for saying “enough” and for putting his dw’s feelings before both his and relatives wish to continue arguing debating! Plus, bonus that argumentative relative says they are leaving!

HotChoxs · 27/12/2022 12:23

SummerHouse · 27/12/2022 11:31

Patiently waiting for the next instalment of "15 guests for 5 nights"....

I'm sure there are spin off threads on the forum somewhere 😂

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 27/12/2022 12:55

I don’t blame you for being stressed by the “debate” (all too often a fancy word for a full-on argument), especially after such a high-pressure period. However, I don’t think you did yourself any favours by asking your husband to shut it down when you could have just made it clear yourself that you get uncomfortable. Because he was involved, it could have come across as “I’ve had my say - now you shut up”. The other person involved seems to have made a similar mistake by sending his/her partner in to complain about your husband. Why does everyone need to speak through an intermediary?

The only thing you’re being unreasonable is complaining that they’ve “dumped” your kids. You’ve had an argument; they’ve chosen to go home. Not getting the response you want is the the risk you take when shutting down an argument. You felt uncomfortable and wanted them to stop; now they feel uncomfortable continuing to stay with you. You can’t really complain about them choosing to leave now.

LadyLolaRuben · 27/12/2022 14:55

Waiting for an update Grin

girlmom21 · 27/12/2022 17:56

But when you're asked to stop such discussions by your hosts, in their house, because you're making one of them uncomfortable, you stop. And immediately apologise.

When your host is an instigator of the discussion, and rudely tells you to stop, you apologise for nothing. It could very easily come across as him shutting down the guest inappropriately because he knew he was in the wrong...

KatherineJaneway · 27/12/2022 18:13

LadyLolaRuben · 27/12/2022 14:55

Waiting for an update Grin

Will we get one?

ancientgran · 28/12/2022 17:49

hugefanofcheese · 27/12/2022 10:04

No, it was fine for DH or OP to change the subject/ wind down the debate. It sounds as though he didn't do so in a very good humoured way, and the 'enough!' was very rude. It's about how things are said.

Show quote history

He explained his wife was upset so it needed to stop, stroppy guest ignored him so he got told. Good for DH respecting his wife and supporting her.

GeorgiaLove · 28/12/2022 17:49

Sparklfairy · 26/12/2022 23:31

Oh, let em flounce.

Exactly. The Princess obviously has no idea how to carry on in the presence of company. I'd let her fuck off if she thinks that's a proportionate response.

Zazazoolly · 28/12/2022 18:40

15 people in one house for that length of time is a pressure cooker waiting to blow! One night with 15 in close quarters would be bad enough!

StickofVeg · 28/12/2022 19:24

If they are leaving first thing tomorrow sounds like job done! 15 people for 5 nights? Unless you're in Buck Pal with servants that's bonkers and I personally would be glad to see the back of them!

Danielle9891 · 28/12/2022 19:33

Maybe OH should have spoken to them like adults. Did he really say 'this debate ends now?' like a school teacher telling off children.
I would have packed my stuff up there and then and left. I wouldn't want to be ordered around like that especially in front of other people or children.
But to be fair on your husband 15 people for 5 days is too stressful. I struggled with 5 extra people for 6 hours on Christmas day.

VladmirsPoutine · 28/12/2022 19:38

Do you live on an estate of some kind? A castle even?

PineCone74 · 28/12/2022 19:44

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 27/12/2022 11:29

I beg to differ: it is connected.

There are a sad number of threads this December showing that more than a few people have forgotten how it's acceptable to behave when a guest in someone else's home. (That's aside from being fed, watered and entertained at this couple's expense for days on end).

That old saying about steering clear of religion and politics isn't even the half of it. But when you're asked to stop such discussions by your hosts, in their house, because you're making one of them uncomfortable, you stop. And immediately apologise.

If many of these threads are genuine - and I suspect they are - then far too many people have forgotten basic manners. It just isn't done to carry on like that under someone else's roof, not least flounce when you are (rightly) pulled up on it.

Show quote history

I agree with this. As a guest, being fed, watered, put up etc, there should be a basic decency to act in a certain way, even if this means keeping a lid on opinions you know may upset hosts. We don’t have to be saying what we think all the time, seemingly regardless of other people or surroundings/context. I’m sorry this has happened OP, hope things feel a bit better in the morning.

Pants0nFir3 · 28/12/2022 20:12

Sad to say that some relatives are clearly not worth your kind nature and your hospitality! Fark em off tell them to go now seeing as they behave like children!

Pants0nFir3 · 28/12/2022 20:17

Wow
You all must have been the other guests, right!?

Keepthecat · 28/12/2022 21:34

It's your house, they were asked to stop and didn't. Give them a hand out with their bags in the morning.