Xmas guests stropping off🙈

[Youwhatnowbiggles]

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

Nonsense. He did that after trying to politely end the debate. If they are rude enough to carry on and not care about their host getting stressed they deserve rudeness in return. With people like that blunt and firm is often the only thing they understand and further polite attempts to get them to stop would have gone ignored anyway, just like they ignored the first attempt.

It’s pretty rude of your DH to suddenly decide in the middle of a debate that he’s going to shut it down.

• *i don't think it's rude to end a fruitless argument when noone is agreement. It's ruder to flounce out without (probably?) thanking your hosts for the days you've fed and watered them. Next year OP, keep Christmas to your immediate family only. This sounds a crazy number of guests and days! ** ** **

Well 15 people for 5 days was never going to end well was it!

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights

Ye gods, that sounds like bad case of masochism. 😧

Next year you and DH book yourself into a hotel for a few days and let them all go whistle.

Your house guests have behaved really badly, IMO. Love to know more details of the arguments though.

I can't see that your DH was in the wrong. Made a reasonable statement which was ignored despite him saying explicitly that you were upset. I'd have reacted the same as him.
He's probably had more than enough after 5 days and felt that the guest was truly taking the piss.
Tbh I'm amazed everyone lasted that long before there was a bust up

@BlueSkyAndButterflies I don't think He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. is particularly polite

Where do you live, Sandringham?

I can’t believe people think your DH was being rude!

He asked them to stop as OP was upset, they refused so he put his foot down!

Unbelievably rude for guests to carry on that way, but specially after being hosted for 5 days at Christmas!

You’re well rid and DH does not need to apologise.

@AutumnCrow Where do you live, Sandringham?

😂😂

If you do, there's no Monopoly for you !

Be strong, Camilla, and let Andrew fuck off with Sarah.

I wish there were more people like your DH in the world!

So fed up of people arguing, "debating" and quite frankly obsessing over topics.

Not everyone wants to hear it! I think your DH did the right thing and I think more should do the same. 🙃

I do think the way your dh shut the debate down was rude. He told them off like children, that was never going to go over well. They are adults, not 6 years olds to have 'enough!' barked at them. Plenty of gentler and more respectful ways of closing that sort of conversation down when feelings are high.

I don’t think your dh was very rude. He was a major protagonist and said he was no longer debating as it was causing stress to his wife. Yes, he could have said it in a nicer way. But your guests have completely overreacted. I’d tell your dcs this in an age appropriate way and let the guest flounce.

Have they thanked you for hosting or everything you’ve done op?

Is it warring brothers?

Sounds like you're well rid of them. Can you now get the rest of the guests out and get the house back to yourselves? And make an almighty resolution never to host 15 people again?

15 people for 5 days? Not surprised there's been a bust up.

I do think saying "you need to stop now as my wife is getting upset" is a bit rude and belittling - there are politer ways to end a debate.

I think you're lucky to have a husband who sticks up for you instead of putting his own need to be 'right' over good manners, unlike your rather appalling house guest. I'd focus on the relief of said flouncer leaving, to be honest. How soon can you get rid of the rest of them?

Couldn't you have put a stop to it yourself or said "it's getting too heated now" & walked away?

Tbf I think he behaved badly. You said yourself he was a major part in the debate. But then tried to tell the other person off rather quite rudely as though it was their fault entirely. Trying to shift the blame kind of thing.

I think your DH has major part in this too. He was one of the people driving this discussion, but then he got to decide when it had to be over. I am guessing it was at a particularly heated part of the debate, and perhaps he had managed to get his point across but then denied the other side to counter with their view. I think when you have guests you shouldn’t be egging on a political debate, he should have diverted it in the early stages and not driven it to that point.

None of the participants should be proud of themselves and I can see that your DH tried to do the right thing by shutting it down, but by then he had already taken it too far.

Well he was rude. He didn't calmly ask for the debate to stop, he commanded "This debate stops now!" Is he a teacher? Anyway, I imagine after 5 days the spirit of good will had worn very thin on all sides. Perhaps restrict numbers and length of visit to a more bearable level next time.

OP's DH was also debating.

I think OP should have spoken up to put a stop to it. By getting her DH to do it he took the upper hand in the debate.
I also agree with PP that he treated the guest like a child in how he spoke to them.

Sounds awful OP. We have some passionate debaters in our family and it really is too much sometimes.

Don’t worry about your DC. They’ll be fine. I’m sure a part of them will be relieved.
We occasionally had 13 at our house for Christmas for 2-3 days as kids and my sister and I have never fully recovered and both shy away from huge family gatherings as adults.

15 for 5 days was never going to go well however well your family get along normally. It’s too much compromise, noise, pressure to get meals on the table. I’d guess a lot of alcohol too which accumulatively won’t help matters.