Xmas guests stropping off🙈

[Youwhatnowbiggles]

ive had 15 in the house for 5 nights. This evening a very heated debate about a current affairs topic ensued at the end of supper. I was becoming uncomfortable and asked dh (a major protagonist in the debate) to put a stop to it. He said to other relative that “youwhatnow is getting stressed, debate stops now”. Guest tried to continue, dh reacted by saying “enough” in no uncertain terms. Relative stormed out, sent their other half back in to say that dh had behaved badly and they are leaving first thing tomorrow before the rest of the kids wake up. I am exhausted. Even if they’re pissed off with dh I have spent five fucking days catering, entertaining, cleaning up, notwithstanding the flipping prep in the weeks before. And I am sad for my kids who are old enough to know that they’ve been dumped. Ffs.

No, it was fine for DH or OP to change the subject/ wind down the debate. It sounds as though he didn't do so in a very good humoured way, and the 'enough!' was very rude. It's about how things are said.

Let the ungrateful guests leave, at least you'll be catering for less than 15 next year!

Yes indeed.

The visit was too many for too long.

Why on earth were you hosting that many people and then moan youre exhausted?

Did you provide a murder mystery night, yoga mornings, an orchestra, and a wing for each family darling? If not this is what happens.

So your guests want to flounce off in a huff, but not until tomorrow because its not really convenient to flounce now. Probably after breakfast as well because they don't want to flounce on an empty stomach. Awkward.....

15 guests for 5 nights??? Fuck that shit!

OP you have my sincere sympathies. My Christmas has been ruined by both my DIL's dislike of one another. So I thought I had headed this off by DDil A not coming Xmas day and popping in on Boxing day. DDIl B currently lives with us and can be a very tricky character, up one minute and down the next and can be extremely rude and insulting in just her manner and way of talking to you.
Well Xmas day she wouldn't join us for lunch came down later and very subtley slagged off DDil A to the guests that were there.
Boxing day DDil A arrives and DDIL B starts to needle her this goes on for a while until DDIL A leaves the table and is found sobbing in the TV room!
I wanted to shout at them all, but I don't 'cos I'm old enough to realise it won't achieve anything and will just fan the flames.
All I wanted was a pleasant and relaxing time with good company.
I'm currently looking forward to New Years Eve when MY FRIENDS will be coming around, fortunately we all know how to respect each others different opinions and never fall out!

Please explain how you ended up with 15 people for 5 days? I think my cousin had 15 on Christmas Day, but 5 days is batshit!

there's an old saying "Like fish ,guests go off after 3 days".....

Lol

who hosts 15 and expects there to not be drama?

@HazelBite so DDILB came to your house was treated badly by DDILA who lives under your roof and also treats everyone else badly and DDILB is wrong for taking herself off and sobbing about it? I'm feeling sorry for DDILB, what was she supposed to do just suck it up for your sake? She couldn't react as that would make her bad.

Your dh WAS rude - he was a main protagonist in the debate and then used your "stress" as an excuse to shut it down (was he losing the argument by any chance?) as though he was taking some kind of moral high ground by ordering it to stop.

And you sound like a bit of a wet lettuce OP - it's your house too, put an end to behaviour you don't like yourself!

Also, who on earth agrees to host 15 people for 5 days?

Did dh help out much with all the work involved? (I'm guessing it was his family you hosted?)

15 guests sounds like my idea of hell.
Having a ‘heated debate about current affairs’ sounds like the most UnChristmassy thing someone could do.
Help them pack their car and tell them to bore off and learn the lesson for next year not to invite them again.
Your DH wasn’t being rude.

15 for 5 days, why did you agree to this, surely you knew what it entailed?

secondly why could you not say can we stop the debate please , why did you need to ask your husband to do it for you. And why did he handle it so utterly rudely?

Your ddilB sounds like a nasty cow and you sound like you enable her behaviour for some reason.

So she was a total bitch to your other DDIL in your house and in front of others and you all just sat and allowed it to happen? DDILB sounds like she needs a slap.

No one can choose to have such a huge number of people descend on their house for five days, choose to take on the prep, cooking, tidying singlehandedly, and then whine about it. Like, at no stage was any of that a good choice. If your husband doesn’t function, don’t have house guests. If the guests are slovenly, they don’t stay overnight. No one appreciates a martyr.

No doubt the kids will be relieved to get their house back and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Let them flounce. Don’t invite so many people next time. Job done.

All those people thinking your DH was rude wouldn’t want to come to my house 🤣. If you know them well enough to have them stay for 5 days then you know them well enough to tell them to pipe down. No doubt if your DH hadn’t said anything you’d have had the ‘why didn’t your DH back you up’ line of questioning on here.

How childish of your guests to strop off, you did well not to mention their disrespect of you when they’d been told their debate was stressing you out!

Sounds like your dh was involved initially. He needed to be more diplomatic. He could have said look no one's going to agree on this one. Let's leave it and talk about something else. Change subject. I always avoid politics with my family and if they continue I make my excuses and go to bed.

15 people for 5 days, current affairs are bound to come up! They're not just going to eat mince pies and sing songs!

I'm amazed you all lasted 5 days before an argument

These days everyone needs to be right about everything.

I couldn’t really say who was rudest, but having been a guest in a large home when this sort of thing kicks off, i’ve usually found that when the host draws a line, it’s better for non participant parties to kick in with a new topic, subject, suggestion, observation completely unrelated.

It’s generally better to avoid politics too. On a social club i’m in, we have a no politics rule, but that’s getting harder and harder to keep to: For instance we talk about a movie, and it immediately jumps to revelations or predictions of being awfull and woke.

When we do this with the scottish end of the family, it’s usually 14 against 1 Scottish Nationalist bleating on about independance. It helps if there’s a chorus of groans and ‘not this again’ type comments.

The point is, someone always ends up upset, but the trick is, not overstepping a boundary.

I beg to differ: it is connected.

There are a sad number of threads this December showing that more than a few people have forgotten how it's acceptable to behave when a guest in someone else's home. (That's aside from being fed, watered and entertained at this couple's expense for days on end).

That old saying about steering clear of religion and politics isn't even the half of it. But when you're asked to stop such discussions by your hosts, in their house, because you're making one of them uncomfortable, you stop. And immediately apologise.

If many of these threads are genuine - and I suspect they are - then far too many people have forgotten basic manners. It just isn't done to carry on like that under someone else's roof, not least flounce when you are (rightly) pulled up on it.

Don't have them round again sounds like far too much drama