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Original poster

DH told us all to fuck ourselves over dinner

434 replies

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 15:45

Thought we could make it through the holidays but that crashed and burned today in spectacular style. DH wanted to have the dog in the dining room and I said I'd her her away as she'd been retching and being sick (MIL unintentionally let her eat a whole load of sheep poo) plus she's a puppy which harasses the kids if there's food.

Because I said no and just complained about it he started shouting and telling me to get out of the kitchen but again I said no because I was trying to dish up potato's and veg, bent to pick up some stuffing from the floor so MIL didn't step on it and he went absolutely crazy told me MIL my DF DSis and all DC to fuck ourselves, fuck off, flipped the double finger at us all and took the dog to the pub. Had dinner without him and now he's returned and pretending it never happened in the living room loving on the dog when all he's done is snapped at the children and me today and then blown up.

Happy Christmas everyone!!!

OP posts:
NotToBeOrToBe · 25/12/2022 21:28

Your children deserve better.

fUNNYfACE36 · 25/12/2022 21:29

Who was cooking?

Puppers · 25/12/2022 21:30

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:20

He doesn't do this every day it's quite rare the last time he blew up at the entire family was last Christmas

Oh well that's OK then if he just ruins your kid's childhood Christmases. That definitely won't have any impact on them.

What would be the amount of emotionally abusive behaviour that would be too much for your children to have to tolerate?

You can leave OP. If you need to, you absolutely can. If you call Women's Aid they can give you advice and support so that at least you can make a fully informed decision.

asblindasabat · 25/12/2022 21:35

ok his behaviour was absolutely out of order and he should be apologising but I really don’t know why PP are suggesting OP should leave him? I’m not condoning his actions, but he could have been under a lot of stress or wasn’t feeling good.

just want to reiterate that it wasn’t nice but he could have been feeling a bit overwhelmed about something and just exploded, but yeah, I’d be having words with him and telling him that outburst was not acceptable.

I think PPs are overreacting a bit. Not unless he is violent or is verbally abusive all the time. Can’t excuse that behaviour but I’d be more worried about him if it was a one off.

whynotwhatknot · 25/12/2022 21:37

so why is he carrying on with the sulking and telling everyne to be quiet

hes not even drunk just wants to ruin christmas every year

fUNNYfACE36 · 25/12/2022 21:37

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 16:27

It wouldn't make much sense that he secretly wanted to go to the pub when so much effort went into Christmas and dinner

What us he like the rest of the year? I think people can set the bar so high and put so much pressure on themselves to have the perfect instagrammable Christmas, it is nearly bound to end in tears.
I would let things calm down a bit and give you both a chance to reflect.Then you need to talk about what happened.
Never make a life changing decision ay Christmas. Wait till things get back to normal

grayhairdontcare · 25/12/2022 21:39

The children have 2 shite parents by your response

thenewduchessoflapland · 25/12/2022 21:46

Many fathers would have probably have punched their son in laws had they sworn at their daughters (you&your sister) and their grandchildren in front of them.

If I was your sister ive have told your DH to duck off right back and told you to Chuck him out.He's a vile POS.

Ginger1982 · 25/12/2022 21:47

So every Christmas your kids have this to look forward to?

magma32 · 25/12/2022 21:47

Op doesn’t need to LTB (right away) but at the very least call the shitty behaviour out just like you would a child. Tell him to apologise so the kids know and can feel slightly safer. Surely it’s easier to do so when there are two other adults present. I understand op wants to simply rant but it’s clearly not the first time he’s done this so people are going to get quite frustrated especially as this is on MUMSnet and there are children involved.

Original poster
mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:49

I'm not going to speak to him and risk further shouting arguing and swearing in front of the children and family

OP posts:
HoppingPavlova · 25/12/2022 21:49

I cannot believe his mother hasn’t pulled him up🤨.

Original poster
mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:51

@Miss03852 yes that's right, I have zero financial means to leave

OP posts:
TrimTheTree · 25/12/2022 21:53

You need your children to know that this is not acceptable and you will sort it. Please make sure of this otherwise they will let themselves be treated this way by others and future relationships modelling their behaviour on you thinking it’s something to put up with.

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 25/12/2022 21:54

At the very very least, OP, how about planning to have Christmas without him next year.

I'm not sure if you're saying he's ok usually so you don't want to leave, or you can't leave because of money.

Soothsayer1 · 25/12/2022 21:54

thenewduchessoflapland · 25/12/2022 21:46

Many fathers would have probably have punched their son in laws had they sworn at their daughters (you&your sister) and their grandchildren in front of them.

If I was your sister ive have told your DH to duck off right back and told you to Chuck him out.He's a vile POS.

true, but a man like him wouldnt be with a woman who had that sort of back up...he only behaves like that because he knows there is no-one who will risk confronting him
my other half would punch his lights out too....but if he saw the size of my other half he wouldnt dare kick off in the 1st place

Original poster
mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:55

But how is it better for me to confront a currently emotionally volatile full grown man with my whole family present trying to enjoy their day

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 25/12/2022 21:57

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:55

But how is it better for me to confront a currently emotionally volatile full grown man with my whole family present trying to enjoy their day

The problem is that it's really likely that none of your children are enjoying their day. Like you are not. They're putting on a brave face because all the other adults around them are doing the same and looking at social media of all the other 'happy' Christmasses feeling very lonely in a room full of people.

They have learned from you that you don't speak up and you need to pretend that it's ok.

AnnieSnap · 25/12/2022 21:59

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:20

He doesn't do this every day it's quite rare the last time he blew up at the entire family was last Christmas

It sounds like there is something quite triggering for him about Christmas then. When it’s all over and you’re both feeling calm, with time to talk, I’d suggest you raise with him that this happens at Christmas and is otherwise out of character for him. Ask him what feelings come up for him at Christmas. If he can talk through the feelings and anticipate them next year, he may be able to manage them better.

Shahira78 · 25/12/2022 21:59

You just need to ride this evening out but please, tomorrow morning, start thinking about how you are going to move forward. Ask yourself, would your husband behave this way at work? Probably not. You need to be in a healthy relationship for your sake and for the sake of your children. I've been in your shoes. Leaving was the most liberating thing I ever did. It was very hard but 100% worth it.

LolaMoon · 25/12/2022 22:00

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:55

But how is it better for me to confront a currently emotionally volatile full grown man with my whole family present trying to enjoy their day

Do you think anyone “enjoyed the day” after that though? Having to tiptoe around him walking on eggshells wondering when his next abusive outburst will happen? I wouldn’t enjoy that at all, it sounds horrendous and quite frightening

DinaofCloud9 · 25/12/2022 22:00

I bet the kids can't wait until next Christmas for the next instalment

This is no way to live. Please don't put up with this. Not for you but definitely not for your poor kids.

Soothsayer1 · 25/12/2022 22:01

mourndayclub · 25/12/2022 21:55

But how is it better for me to confront a currently emotionally volatile full grown man with my whole family present trying to enjoy their day

It isnt, you're in a horrible situation where there is nothing you can do, and he knows it, he's a despicable piece of shit.
I hope you can get rid of this blight on your and your children's lives🙏

PrinnyPree · 25/12/2022 22:02

I am incredibly sorry this has happened to you, if I was in your position I would be trying to get my affairs in order so I wasn't around the abusive arsehole next Christmas.

My parents divorcing when I was a kid was a relief, living with my Dad was far more traumatic, although my brothers were adults by the time my Mum left my Dad and weren't dependents
so she only needed to house the two of us, I imagine having 4 children to support really limits your options so my heart goes out to you. Xx

Soothsayer1 · 25/12/2022 22:03

Ask him what feelings come up for him at Christmas
oh come on, this is a cave man

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