DH told us all to fuck ourselves over dinner

[mourndayclub]

Thought we could make it through the holidays but that crashed and burned today in spectacular style. DH wanted to have the dog in the dining room and I said I'd her her away as she'd been retching and being sick (MIL unintentionally let her eat a whole load of sheep poo) plus she's a puppy which harasses the kids if there's food.

Because I said no and just complained about it he started shouting and telling me to get out of the kitchen but again I said no because I was trying to dish up potato's and veg, bent to pick up some stuffing from the floor so MIL didn't step on it and he went absolutely crazy told me MIL my DF DSis and all DC to fuck ourselves, fuck off, flipped the double finger at us all and took the dog to the pub. Had dinner without him and now he's returned and pretending it never happened in the living room loving on the dog when all he's done is snapped at the children and me today and then blown up.

Happy Christmas everyone!!!

So he did it last year and you’re still with him because…..

My dad is extremely non confrontational and my mil also wouldn't confront him but yes a full grown man in a temper like that is quite something

What are you actually going to do about this?

Flicking the finger at you…….?

Putting aside what the PP said - which is that that is beyond cringeworthy (how embarrassing for him) - he really hates you, doesn’t he, OP?

And you, surely, really hate him.

Does that seem right to you? The two of you absolutely loathing each other?

Is he like this when it’s not Xmas?

why are you with him?

I've read so many posts like this. Why are so many men such twats! My husband had also been a bit of a nob.

So it is learnt behaviour from you to be quiet and out up with it. So what will your children do?

I sincerely hope this is the last Christmas together this is disgusting behaviour it really is. What next more bad language getting worse as the children grow up.

I would be telling him To stay elsewhere tonight Are the rest of the family staying over or if they are going home and there is room I would be packing up and going with them for a few days. Do not let him off the hook. It is abuse and is by the sounds of it normal for him to behave like a total shit. Open the door and boot him out snd start a fresh new safe happy life without him in 2023

You know he's abusive and that you and your kids deserve better, right?

I think what is more pathetic is three grown adults witnessing this but meekly accepting it and not calling it out. Of course he is going to get worse, you’re giving him full permission to. Your poor kids.

Maybe some are, but lots aren’t - it’s not normal and it’s not OK for one half of a partnership to be like this, and there is better out there.

The many, many of us with kind, decent, thoughtful, generous, helpful DH just don’t post about them.

Again - partnering up with, living and parenting with someone you don’t like, and who doesn’t like you, is not normal, and it shouldn’t be OK.

Fucking hell he's a horrible person. You're all doing the very British thing of pretending nothing's happened and sitting round a board game whilst secretly being all churned up inside.
It's so hard OP but please try to break the pattern and open your mouth and talk about this!
Every time you sweep this crap under the rug you're just setting yourselves up for another basinful. I imagine you're all on eggshells.
He's counting on this. There are two other adults there with you at that table and you're all mutely accepting this poisonous treatment.
Your kids' memories of this Christmas will be awful. And nobody is taking steps to make sure they see that this isn't right.
You know you need to get shot of this wanker. I hope you find your courage.

How long gave you been will this dick head?

He sure loves that dog 😄

I grew up with an uncle like this. Ok for us, we cut off contact before I was in secondary school. My cousins' lives have been coloured by his rage and unpredictability. They could never relax or feel safe, and were really frightened of him.

Please don't continue to put your children through this.

See the thing is OP. What TF do you want us to say? You are the one tolerating this shit. You are the one who's allowing you kids to put up with it.

What.are.you.going.to.do.about.it?

I await your thread next year where it's escalated and your kids are that little bit closer to being traumatised. Good luck.

Then is there any point in staying together? Your DC not wanting to be near their dad on Christmas Day is really bad and will stay with them forever. Maybe time to rethink your future ?

If my husband spoke to me like that, he'd have an ear bashing from me. Behind me would be his mother and father, his sister and my family too who would also tell him. I'd have also locked the door and left the key in so he couldn't return!

If noone is going to say anything properly in front of your children about that behaviour then you need to quietly when he is out of sight and earshot. They can't think it's acceptable to just sit around and take that, or to do that to other people.

Sorry what I meant above is that it would be helpful to say something about how dad acted earlier and that it's not OK to behave like that.

Your poor kids. No one is protecting them from this shithead. They don't stand a chance.

value yourself higher than others and most importantly make sure you’re happy along with your children.

Excellent advice from @Sundayvibes . This is the crux of it, OP, regain your self respect and insist that he treats you and your children the way you want to be treated. If he won’t, he’ll lost his family.

Years ago, my DH called me out on some unacceptable behavior (no temper-related, something else that I’m ashamed of) and basically said that he wasn’t going to tolerate it anymore. If I wanted to remain with him, I had to stop. It shocked me into realizing that I needed to change and we’ve had a much happier marriage since.

Sometimes you need to lay it on the line, OP. It’s hard, but both you and your children deserve better. 💐

For the sake of yourself and kids. Please don’t brush this under the carpet and move forward just because it’s Xmas.

it needs addressing- he’s either got underlying mental health issues which he needs to talk about or he’s damn right rude and disrespectful and doesn’t deserve you