Husband hasn't come home

[blackandwhitecat123]

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

Hi OP. This is something my DP would do and happen to. Sometimes there are no bad reasons why weird events occur. People shouldn't be suspicious or expect bad reasons for everything. He sounds lovely. Hope you're all OK.

I have ADHD (non medicated), phone always dead, car gets locked in places.. (or I lose it !!)it's exactly the sort of thing I'd do... people are scaremongering you too much, OP!

FML, some of the posts on this thread are just nuts.

@blackandwhitecat123 - you’ve taken this thread in good stride. Am sure you’ve got “strategies” to consider going forward, but hopefully you won’t need to come back to this thread again. There’s only so many times you can be told that WA still rings when phones are dead, that taxis are available to be flagged down everywhere, that it doesn’t take long to walk the equivalent of a 45 minute drive, etc.

Hope you all have a lovely Christmas.

Why didn’t he ring his wife, the OP straight away then in the car? You don’t have to wait all night to charge a phone to make a call. A little bit of power would do that.
Waiting in a car all night for a locked car park in December isn’t a very practical solution. Once in his car, he could have rang a taxi atleast. Or his wife. I’m sure she’d rather get up and pick him up rather than leave him stranded in a car all night.

How have you totally failed to comprehend what happened?

You haven't read the updates have you? Maybe you should...all the answers are there.

This is a horrible post. I'd likely do the same in that situation (and have "additional needs") but also hold down a job, live alone and support myself. Your comment is really upsetting.

Not everyone is the same. I'm an almost middle aged woman and there's almost no situation on earth that would induce me to ask to use a stranger's phone or use a phone in a shop or something (even though as a woman I feel like people would be less likely to perceive me as a threat and thus more likely to say yes; if I were a man like OP's DH I'd be even less likely to ask).

As for the crying - it's a stressful situation. Why wouldn't you expect someone to cry if they had been out for 6 hours unable to access their car or contact you? Does being a certain age mean you can't cry anymore?

See my earlier comment on why trying to convince a taxi driver to let you pay at home would be as terrifying as asking to borrow someone's phone. I think it's "bizarre" that you seem to think everyone would react like you. I'm a "grown woman" and would have reacted very similarly to OP's DH. So many posts on this thread have been very upsetting about how people who don't seem to react like "the expected norm" (with all the "why didn't he just...") are really perceived.

I’m surprised and quite saddened by the people saying they’d sit outside in the dark in an isolated area alone all night in winter rather than try ti find a solution or ask to use a phone, then phone their partners crying about what they have done as they’d be so traumatised by their own behaviour .😔

I believe DHs story

However it must be very challenging being in a relationship with someone so childlike and in need of so much direction and advice

This situation is clearly very out of the ordinary for him, as OP has explained. It's unlikely he finds his usual daily life as stressful as this.

@blackandwhitecat123 hopefully you are all feeling better today.

From what you have described I am not sure what he could have done differently once he was in the situation of having no phone, car or money. Looking at the positives he was dressed sensibly and without a skinfull of alcohol he was far less vulnerable to hypothermia.

Obviously, he can put things in place to not be in that situation again. But don't make more of it than it needs.

Merry Christmas!

Gosh, I do need to leave this thread.
Half the women here think he's having an affair, and now if he's not, someone thinks people with "additional needs" should not be let out unsupervised.

What a horrible horrible thing to say.

Agree with you, there's been a few awful comments about people with sn, the poster who called sn people the R word was disgusting plus these comments about not letting 'them' out. It breaks my heart when I see such bile being spouted out, I get so annoyed reading such hate for people with disabilities on here.

OP I hope you and your husband are feeling better today and I am actually thankful that there is kind hearted and understanding people like you in this world who give people with additional needs a chance, it's always a worry to me that my eldest son will meet people with such hate and vile thoughts like some of the sn haters on here.

Every single detail, every point made, has somehow passed you by hasn't it? Bizarre.

Sure. I understand that. I was just thinking what it must be like to be with a guy who can't deal with life's smallest curve balls. I'm not sure I'd be as patient as the OP is. Surely it'd be like being married to a child?

Good thing he married her not you, then.

Because the OPs husband had the confidence to presumably asks her to marry him. Have kids together. Apply and hold down a job.
I don’t see why asking someone late at night for help, such as a late night shop would be such a thing.
If he’s really lacking in confidence like that, I’m amazed he gets on in normal like. If he was wandering the streets for 6 hours due to his anxiety, I think he should seek some help and advice from a doctor.

As a person who is like this, this thread is so horribly upsetting. It's like a glimpse into what NT people REALLY think about neurodiverse people, when they don't think we can hear (or don't care). Some of the comments have actually made me cry. Please think about who might be reading before you post.

Ignore them. This thread has really brought out spite and malice in huge quantities. Ironic really, when this is supposed to be the season of good will. These nasty comments don’t reflect what the vast majority of us think.

Hang 0n, you can’t be diagnosing this man on the internet. Proclaiming him to be nd. He has no diagnosis. He could have many things going on.

How many times does it need to be said?

• not everywhere has late night facilities

I live in a town in the midlands. Once pubs & restaurants have kicked out there is nothing. No coffee shops, police stations, taxi ranks, petrol stations, public phones.

Because there is nothing open there is no one to ask.

Like many places the assumption is that people have mobile phones to access services. No mobile phone then no access.

• not everywhere is like everywhere else

When we talk about poor reading comprehension skills, it’s posts like this that highlight it!

@FloydPepper I don't think it is simply reading comprehension (or lack thereof). It is an inability to understand that anything can be different from their own narrow experience.

There have been a number of posts implying that if OP's DH had been more 'normal' and tried a bit harder that the problem could have been solved.

How having a different personality could have magiced up taxi/public phone/place to charge phone/keyholder for secured car park I don't know.

I'm not diagnosing him. I'm talking about the comments about "people like this", castigating a "grown man" for not being able to deal with this situation in the way posters would want and for crying, views that people with "additional needs" shouldn't be allowed out unsupervised, and so on. Generalised posts about people "like that".